jendaas

Persecution & Suffering

2011-10-09T14:47:00.000-07:00

Listened to a tremendous radio program today....blunt and provoking. Todd Friel :) Very timely for me, as I've been being stirred by sermons at church back to boldness. My heart thrives when I get into discussions about the Savior ....even if the other person does not know him nor love him.

There were a few clips from pastors saying very bold things.......about the gospel...not about their legalistic points of view. I forget the pastor's name who was throwing down, but he was dead on. One of them said "Be prepared to be called arrogant." the other said "You want to suffer? Go share the Christ with every person on your street and press it to the point where they know that they will go straight to hell if they leave this world without Christ. You'll suffer. You want to suffer? Call up all the apostate pastors in your area that aren't preaching the gospel of Christ and tell them to get with the biblical program; You'll suffer."

WOW.

How lazy have we been? Our love does not make us bold enough for those we claim to love. Instead we preserve our comfort and our 'likability" by being cowards. I am convicted by this small snip it and encouraged tremendously.

The other part of the show he spent discussing how frothy 'christian' music is. I don't even think you can call MOST of it Christian.....it's so grey....and so....unbiblical. it takes no courage to write songs about life.....I am not a musician, but if I were, I guess I just can't fathom how any artist can say "I'm a Christian, but we are not a Christian band." What in the world? How in the? If you are saved, and you love Christ, He permeates EVERY area of your life, and I would think ESPECIALLY your art that is pouring out lyrics from your heart? I dunno....anyhow. Todd went on, and I whole heartedly agree with him that there are so many talented BIBLICAL Christian Rap artists who are so much more bible saturated that a believer's heart can be lifted up into praise much more than by what they play on the 'christian radio'. I've been to churches that have a fire in their eyes and almost a condemnation in their tone about 'christian rap'. They have no idea what they are doing when they speak against much of it........perhaps they are so removed from the culture that they are clueless as to how HUGE rap and hip hop are in my neighborhood and the young adults? It's absurd even from the point of being a missionary to the USA. Since, if we were going to go to Africa or to Asia, we would learn the culture, we would worship God with their instruments and in their special way....we would not force them to sing old school hymns and buy a piano or a super out dated ORGAN!!!

I'm rambling....just had to get this off my chest..........I know that I have been de-friended on Facebook by many people lately for a link to a pro life deal by Ray Comfort. As long as I tell the truth in love, and am pure in my intentions to see my dear family and friends embrace the truth.....God going with me, I assume I am about to lose a great deal more than facebook friends.

Up out for now,
JB

Another great day.....

2011-08-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

I get to spend time with my dear friend Jamie Ski tonight.....somehow, we always end up meeting older people (we're in our early 30s and meet people in their 80s) It's odd....and phenomenal.....it's a blast! Might talk her into going to a pub tonight. I want to see God open doors with unbelievers....I want to see the lost sheep saved. Gotta go to lost sheep places to find lost sheep hank....there's no way around it. Burst that Christian bubble and start small. Go to Perkins and start a conversation with someone you don't know. I go to Perkins by myself sometimes just to read/ clear my head. (and enjoy their coffee) And there is ALWAYS someone there by themselves too. I'm just sayin.

How will they call upon Him unless they have heard of him?
How will they hear if no one tells them?
How will someone tell them......oh, they will obey the joyful commission. What a rush.
Lord willing, I will remember to blog tomorrow.......and, more often.
I have a ton going on in my life/mind lately and am going to have to do the whole blog organizing thing.....categorizing the posts so that you don't need to read about my kids/diet/personal thoughts/theology if you don't want to....then again, you could always just click on the close button........hmmm....

too much coffee this morning.......

Up out,
jen2

A timely book......"God Space"

2011-06-05T20:32:00.000-07:00

I'm reading a book right now called God Space...it's been very encouraging and convicting at the same time.....well, those two usually go hand in hand so whatever. The book is about having real conversations with real people, uninhibited by awkwardness - about spiritual things....about truth.
People that know me know that I love the Lord.....I am pretty vocal about my faith; Until the last few years though, I didn't really care if I weirded people out by what I said, and I was completely unaware of them many times when I jumped on my soapbox to tell them what they NEED to know. My intentions were always right, but sadly, I didn't consider who I was talking to and how to help them feel comfortable talking to me about such things. In my ignorance, I was not quick to listen and slow to speak.....I was quick to speak and to my shame, I alienated many people that I love very much. I have felt deep down that the door is closed with many of them.....and I have a feeling they are grateful that I don't bring up spiritual things, (and they certainly won't be bringing them up with me)
In recent years, I've spent some time with some believers who make ME feel uncomfortable as a believer when they share the gospel with random people. Sure, the people I speak of have the right motive of lovingly telling the truth as often as they can - but again, they don't consider the PERSON that they are talking to.....I know this because you can actually see the person flush and feel awkward and put off by how the conversation is going down. They are caught off guard by an awkward transition, asked very little if ANY questions about their thoughts/ideas/life experiences and then are TOLD what is true in a very bold masterly way.
My skin kinda crawls thinking about it now. I don't want to be that kind of Christian. I want to be real, yes. I want to tell the truth in love....but how is it love if you show no interest in the person you're talking to before you start a rant?

There is a chapter that I will get to this week that talks about rebuilding bridges that you've burned down....agh, i can't wait.

If you have been struggling with how to do evangelism in natural ways - avoiding awkwardness and really want to communicate to the person you're talking to that you love them.......check this book out.....it's been pretty great...then again, I'm on chapter 2 still.......will have more reviews as it goes on.....and, Lord willing.......some experiences to share about putting it into practice.

Love from above,
jenb

Shoot the wolves, Rebuke the swine and love the sheep.

2011-01-11T14:18:00.001-08:00

I used the caption from Mark Driscoll above to point out what I am about to do. I need to openly reveal a wolf in sheep's clothing....which is not an easy thing to do.

I will not go into a ton of detail here until the cases are settled.
This is just a blog to get the attention of anyone who has done business with:

Robert (Bob) Feland of Burnsville, MN
dba
Principal Reduction Corp

I am working with the MN Attorney General and the MN Dept of Commerce with the charges I am alleging against this man. If you feel that you have been wronged by him as well. I urge you to also contact the proper business authorities. The more evidence the better.

MN Dept of Commerce 651-296-6319
MN Attorney General's office 651-296-3353

You can and should also file a complaint on the Better Business Bureau website.
Thank you for taking a stand.

The purpose of grief and pain is 'relationship'

2010-05-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

This past week I was blessed to spend time with a dear sister in the Lord....this friend inspires me every time I hang out with her....the funniest thing is that she basically has no idea just how much she affects others simply by being herself.

I got to see her mothering and we talked about a shared struggle of which we both have yet to be victors......and it's been on my mind just how closely parenting our children and being a child of God are related.
(DUH)

I saw her calmly tell her daughter that there were going to be consequences for her when they got home because when we were out and about, she disobeyed. Her sweet little 3 year old cried and pleaded "mommy, I will obey you, I will obey you mommy"
because she did not want any sort of discipline. My friend is a very very good mother....when we got home she reminded her of the consequence and her little one began bawling again and mom hugged her and showed her compassion, and yet still followed through with the discipline.
This hit me, because little kids who go unpunished grow up to be adults who never apologize for their actions, they see no need to confront the wrongs they have done to others, and they never want to admit fault. I've worked with many people (and am guilty of it myself, sad to say) that tend to blame shift.......whatever it was that went wrong could "NEVER be their fault"
They want to get the light that is beaming at their wrongdoing shifted off of them quickly so that the issue can be swept under the rug by some distraction, and life can continue with a peaceful calm. Such people have a hard time believing that God will judge their wickedness too......but sadly, God will not tolerate blame shifting....check out Genesis when Adam blamed God by blaming the woman "that God gave him, because SHE tempted me and I ate" and the woman blamed the serpent for her sin.......it's human nature to want to hide from blame.....which is why little children hope that mom forgets the pending discipline by the child's plea to now be compliant.
I remember this EXACT scenario when I was young. My dad had told me that I was going to get a discipline for lying.......and that was when we had just left the house and were going to be out and about for the day. I had it in the back of my mind that maybe if I'm good all day, he'll forget, or change his mind.
He didn't.

The goal of parents (should be) in discipline should be to repair the relationship between parent and child. When a child disobeys, the relationship is thrown because the roles are rocked. When a child is trusting their parents directions are for their good and obey their parents because they trust their parents love them and want what is best for them.....the relationship flourishes. The parent is filled with joy at knowing their child's trust, and the child feels loved and secure in their parent's care.

When it comes to the Lord and his discipline of us, whether it be - allowing us to continue on in certain sins AS the disclipline because we are choosing it (get your mind around this- Jesus predicted that Peter would deny him Luk 22:34, and Peter was powerless to do anything BUT sin by denying Jesus those 3 times........but Jesus did not let him fall UTTERLY....when Peter sinned against Jesus the first and second time by denying him, it did not hit him......but the third time he said "I do not know him" - His heart broke in half and he wept over his sin, obviously he was not given over to unbelief, but God restored him)
OR if the Lord gives us flat out blatent consequences for sin - (ie...if someone gave into lust and contracted an STD)

The Lord KNOWS how to discipline each one of his children to get their attention......to draw them back to trusting in Him, and faith that what he has commanded is good for us thereby repairing the relationship.

I have a friend who has 3 little ones. The youngest one who has down syndrome didn't get a time out or consequences like the older two......all that the parents had to do to get the child to recognize their error was look at them directly in the eyes and say with a bold tone "that's a NO" - the child's spirit was broken, they cried and wanted to be made right with their parents immediately - and showed it by reaching for a hug with all their might.

So, with some of God's sheep He knows he only needs to have them get in a fender bender to show them their idolatry of their car.......for others, he may let them go on a skid ....and humiliate them in front of other people to humble them.....for others, he might just prick their hearts as they read his word. He loves HIs children immensely and knows them intimately as we are to know our children.....and how to REACH their hearts to pursue the mending of relationship with them.

We want them to know the kindness of God, and how God pursues his children even if he needs to cause them pain - whatever it takes - to bring them back to lovingly trust in Him. I've heard discipline referred to as God setting up "roadblocks to hell"
Blessed are those who heed instruction and set their face toward God and hear him say "you are forgiven" and "I've called you by name and you are MINE"

"The Lord disciplines those whom he loves and a Father does a son in whom he delights"

May we love our children enough to get to their hearts that they may see the love of the Father in our parenting.
in Jesus Name,
AMEN

BASIC Christianity.......

2010-04-18T13:06:00.000-07:00

In light of my favorite 'Christian' artist coming out of the closet announcing her homosexuality my heart is grieved and discussions with unbelievers are pretty much fruitless.

To get past the fact that Jennifer Knapp's sin is homosexuality to the heart of the issue is what I hope to do with this post.
It is not that her sin is any more wicked than any of the sins that I'VE committed in the last 24 hours....it comes down to agreeing with God when it comes to right and wrong. He created us, he knows our tendencies to certain sinful ways......for some they may be inclined to lust and rent pornography, for others, they might tell white lies or cheat on their taxes, and some may just hate people in their hearts, which God says is the same as murder.

All sin is wicked.

To lie to your boss about a 'sick day' and think that you will tell God that you were somehow 'right' in doing what you were doing is foolishness. He has FLAT out commanded humans to not lie......so just because you had a much needed day off, and got much done around the house, does not justify the means you used to get what you wanted.

There is a Godly woman that I know that I met on a cruise ship 2 years ago. She was a homosexual Christian for about 20 years. She struggled SO hard with the reality that she was more attracted to women and that she loved the Lord.
So, she attended a church that made provision for her flesh....a church that told her that God would not have made her this way if it was a sin. This lady, by God's kindness in opening her eyes, saw through the myriad of lies and dismissing of scripture and repented to God. With God's help she hasn't struggled with thoughts towards women in over 27 years and she's been happily married for over 22.

Hearing her struggle with her sexuality gave me great compassion for others who might be in the same boat........with love we must discuss these things.....not with signs that say "God hates fags" (my heart breaks thinking that someone who is in the position my friend was in might drive by that sign and weep their eyes out for despair with all the confusion)

"Love your neighbor as yourself."
Love your homosexual neighbor......love your lying neighbor, love your selfish neighbor........because your sin is just as ugly.

Love them enough to tell them the truth........that Christ paid for their sinfulness, not just their homosexual lusts, but for their lying, their hatred, their stealing, and their not loving Him first and trusting Him to supply all their needs.
Love them enough to be vocal about the cruel hypocrites standing with signs saying horrible hateful things.

and love your brothers and sisters in Christ enough to cease fellowship with them if they continue to choose that which God hates, be on your knees for them, in tears for them, pleading that God would soften their hearts.

I feel as though I have known Jennifer Knapp. Her music has been a huge means of grace for me, and she was one of the first Christian artists I had listened to after being saved in 2000.
I wrote this to challenge my own heart to not be wrathful toward her, but to let my heart be broken over her sin as I thought she was my sister. I will pray for her.....may the Lord do what seems best to him.

in Christ,
jennifer

Do only really bad people go to hell??

2010-04-05T20:02:00.001-07:00

Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the whole, "I'm a good person, I don't steal, or cheat on my wife or blah blah blah" or "I've never murdered anyone"

It makes me think of something one of my friends said when an employee of his wanted kudos for showing up to work on time and for doing certain tasks that are a part of his job description. (both are guys)
He said "so, what do you want nancy - you get a paycheck every two weeks for that! You sound like one of those people on Maury Povich who says "I take care of MY KIDS, I pay MY BILLS" - ----you're SUPPOSED to do those things!!!"
hahaha

All joking aside though, God is not mocked, and he knows every detail of every person's deeds....and it starts in the thought life as Jesus made clear "You have heard it said "Thou shalt not commit adultery" but I say to you whoever looks upon a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

GUILTY.
Friends, God does not judge on a curve, he has set the bar.

Yes, ONE and only one sin against a HOLY God will send you to hell.
Why? Because the punishment for the crime is in direct proportion to the one offended by your crime.
Example: If you step on a thousand ants......no one will blink an eye.
If you are involved in dog fighting circuts,...or even just abuse a dog or cat, you're going to have to pay a fine.
If you kill a person, you get the death penalty.
If you sin against a HOLY God -(HIS value is INFINITELY more than any human being you could sin against).....therefore the punishment is infinite.

It is written that if you've broken one, you may as well have broken them all, and you will pay the just penalty for your sin....God will not let you go.

Except that someone pay your debt to Him FOR you.
God died on the cross 2010 years ago - to save you from his own just wrath against you.
Repent and trust in what Christ Jesus has accomplished, and you will be saved. Hide yourself from the gavel, it's a comin

To Christ Jesus be the glory in HIs church.
Unashamed,
sheep #2,192,284,217,124

Real Believers have REAL love

2010-03-31T22:22:00.001-07:00

I was prompted to write this blog post, sadly, from grief.....and joyfully from the hope of the truth found in scripture that when we believers hearts are exposed by the light of truth, we CAN then choose to walk in the light all the more.

What makes us love one another.....what is HOLY love lived out?
Does it mean that we spend time with those whom we have a natural inclination to love ONLY and be 'cordial' to those others in the church with whom we disagree? (either about politics or small personal convictions regarding food or alcohol, or child rearing)

So, then I got to thinking,
What does Jesus command of us believers regarding love, and where do we get that power to obey Him?

I'm saddened by the lack of love that i naturally am without for certain people.....just because I don't 'get them' or we 'don't click'......it's not that I have hatred for them, but would I go out of my way for their good? Some yes, and some no....and I think that that is something the Lord wishes to change about me.

The word says to me (loud and clear)
Jennifer, love your ENEMIES and do good to them, pray for those who persecute you. Overcome evil with good.
Jennifer, if you say you love God but you do not love your brother or sister in Christ, you are a liar.
Jennifer, if you love only those who love you, what reward is there in that?

I naturally love people.....they are interesting to me......but my love for people stops typically at a general appreciation for spending time with them.....rarely do I seek to bless or encourage on purpose. This is my grief lately......sure, I'm black and white....a very blunt girl......but I do not season my words with love so that it will edify those who hear what I'm saying.
So now, here at the end of March, I found my New Years resolution........to learn what God's design for love is through His word, and to be affected - MOVED to love as He loves his sheep.

Love like that is only powered by His own divine Holy Spirit.....

Lord have mercy on me in my failed attempts and make me wise from your word and teach my stupid heart to consider my neighbors first, especially your sheep. In Jesus Name, Amen.

up out for the night
jen

Shocked by lack of fear

2009-10-23T06:32:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have been living in a infamous part of Minneapolis for about a year now.....it's reputation is so well known that people get an expression on their faces like "why would you move there?" pretty much every time we tell them where we live.
I have perfected the speech that follows their expression, and have sometimes thought about what it would be like to say I live in a more rural part of town, surely the stigmas that go along with Coon Rapids (the town that I grew up in) can not furrow the eyebrow like saying "we live in North Minneapolis" can.

The truth is, though I didn't necessarily feel "called" to minister or evangelize in the neighborhood where we decided to buy a home, the smallest little jabs of temptation to fret from Satan haven't really taken root in my heart and bore fruit. Perhaps it is the Lord's kindness in having me worship at Bethlehem Baptist for 4 years that trained my heart to think about bullets the right way...that God controls everything, the demons OBEY him. (Jesus cast out demons, and they had no choice where they went and they knew it, so they begged Jesus to let them go into pigs....which ran off a cliff and drowned.) Demons obey, the wind and waves obey, and bullets obey the living Christ.

I've heard gunshots only 2 times over the last year, which is way better than I anticipated.
Then, last night, at 3:30am I was awakened to the sound of a heated confrontation that sounded like it was right in front of my bedroom window. I woke Brent up and we called the police, then, looked around to see where it was coming from...

Right in front of our home, in the middle of the street.
4 men, who seemed to know each other well, because the one who was yelling at the top of his lungs and shoving another guy didn't assault him much more than the violent shoving. But he was so incredibly angry at the guy he was pushing & shouting obscenities at. He threatened to 'burn him' (slang for shooting him) and the brother of the guy being assulted was pleading "please, just leave my brother alone man, just leave him alone, please"

After about 5 minutes, the one being pushed got on his knees in front of the guy with the gun, and made a posture as if praying, and said, "JUST DO IT, BURN ME MAN!"
My heart was in my throat, praying the entire time for the lives of these men......that they wouldn't kill each other before they had had a chance to hear the Gospel just one more time, that they would repent....both the victim and the suspects.

The police came around the corner shortly after that (but it SEEMED like hours) flashed their lights and drove down to meet the guys. I don't know what happened after that, but Brent and I just got into bed and thanked the Lord for sparing their lives this morning......prayed that God would send one of his children to bear witness about His Son to them before they leave this world and face the judgement.
I can't think about it too much this morning, because I just keep weeping for them.....I thought that blogging about it would help the grief....I'm grieving for walking dead people. They are alive in the flesh but dead men walking without Christ....I don't want them to go to hell. I am not afraid for my life, and this may sound horrible, but I do not fear for Brent or our baby either.....

I fear for those whose sins are not covered, whose sin is not forgiven....
THAT is my fear of North Minneapolis....my fear FOR North Minneapolis.

God please be merciful, send your light and your truth. Give us boldness, fearlessness to speak the words our neighbors need to hear....and to love them with nothing held back as you loved us. In Jesus Name, AMEN

Being AMAZED by the God of the Bible.......

2009-10-21T06:45:00.001-07:00

Pastor Piper one time was speaking about how it is a sin to preach a sermon about the God of the bible in a boring way....I couldn't agree more. :)
He spoke about the amazement of little children and how they NEVER tire of hearing the same stories OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.......being altogether caught up in the situation that their imagination creates. He talked about how Adam and Eve must have been just blown away by the day to day faithfulness of the God they walked with....suggesting a picture of Eve rising early in the morning and shoving Adam with excitement in her voice saying "Get up Adam, get up!!! Look, the sun is here - HE DID IT AGAIN!!!" :)

Who God is -IS what He does. He is kind to the just and the unjust in the common graces of life....how else does a sinful unbeliever profess Atheism and yet finds that they can walk and talk and kiss a baby's face and enjoy a sunset and have health and food to eat that doesn't poison them???? selah.

Yet, He judges some with justice and gives others mercy, Moses AND Pharaoh had both committed murder. One was brought through the water to safety, the other was destroyed by the wrath of God for his sin.
Psalm 115:3
"Our God is in the heavens;
he does all that he pleases"

With all of life's ups and downs - joys and trials.....the Lord has been faithful - always. Going into the new phase of being a parent, with all of the unknowns.....with jobs, finances, locations, etc.....could make the average person, who knows nothing about the God of the universe tremble. But rich or poor, eating bread or eating steak.....we must struggle to see the kindness of the Lord- and with thankful hearts praise Him for WHO he is.

"I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy."
~ jars of clay

Basic daily obedience is better worship than all the songs in all the world.

2009-08-05T10:29:00.001-07:00

Perhaps I'm the only one, but I'd thought I'd throw this out there anyway.

You ever notice how hard it is to sing worship songs to God when you KNOW that you have been stubborn and hard hearted against the Spirit's nudging you to do the right things throughout your days? Singing is the LAST thing I want to do....no matter how much I love the songs about the Lord!

I feel like a hypocrite, because I am one. I'm singing about how much I love the Lord and how mighty He is to save and to help me live uprightly, when all the recent days have been lived as though that were not true at all.

The smallest obedience, how EVER difficult it may be- keeps open the heartfelt, honest and humble enjoyment of fellowship with the Lord God. That I forget that it is SO worth it to obey to be able to move easily into prayer and songs of worship is a sad reality.

I'm in love with this song by Sovereign Grace and am memorizing it lately to be able to sing songs of praise to my Father in heaven with the child that Brent and I are expecting.
Which is how I came to realize that the impact of the words on my heart are different; If I am walking uprightly, the words are sweet enough to make me weep with gratitude. If I have been disobedient, I still weep, but it's more due to the grief of what I still am in the flesh.
Thank God for Jesus.

O great God of highest heaven
Occupy my lowly heart
Own it all and reign supreme
Conquer every rebel power
Let no vice or sin remain
That resists Your holy war
You have loved and purchased me
Make me Yours forevermore

I was blinded by my sin
Had no ears to hear Your voice
Did not know Your love within
Had no taste for heaven’s joys
Then Your Spirit gave me life
Opened up Your Word to me
Through the gospel of Your Son
Gave me endless hope and peace

Help me now to live a life
That’s dependent on Your grace
Keep my heart and guard my soul
From the evils that I face
You are worthy to be praised
With my every thought and deed
O great God of highest heaven
Glorify Your Name through me

To Repent or not to Repent - Is that even a question?

2009-05-15T06:58:00.000-07:00

Bear with me here.....
Did you ever notice how easy it is to see clearly an opportunity for someone else to live what they believe - yet if you were in the same position, you would never see it?

The crux of the matter is that there is a person that I know, let's call them Pat* for their anonymity.
So, Pat tells me this story of an acquaintance, an unbelieving acquaintance, who just railed them.
Pat had gone to the retail place of employment of the unbeliever and was having polite conversation, when out of nowhere the unbeliever works themselves up into a lather about some issue, of which Pat has no knowledge of and proceeds to yell at Pat.

Pat is dumbfounded......and as Pat tells me this story, I can see the 'I'm right and what was done to me was wrong here and I'm clinging to my rights" type attitude in everything coming out of this person's lips. (this does not say much about me, since it truly DOES take one to know one, and I wouldn't recognize this sin, unless I was guilty of it myself from time to time - thank GOD for my little brother who lovingly gets in my face about my hardness of heart and appeals to me with the Love of God in Christ Jesus)

Sum it up - Pat, I believe had done nothing wrong....BUT this unbeliever accused Pat in front of Pat's spouse and the unbeliever's spouse unjustly.

What does Pat do here? The flesh and the world would say "write this unbeliever off, you don't want friends like that anyway." Sadly, Pat is avoiding this unbeliever and doesn't feel the need to go to them in humility and say, "However I have offended you, I want you to know that I am very sorry and I wanted to know if you'd let me do what it takes to make it right."
(seriously, the hardest thing to do is apologize when you haven't any idea that you have done anything worth apologizing........but how much humility does it take to do such a thing? = A lot.)

But who else was wrongly accused and assaulted, spit on, and murdered for the false accusations?
Our precious Christ was..........and he says to our unsettled hearts that are trying to cling to our 'rights' - "Pick up your cross daily, and follow me, this is the Calvary road, the narrow way that leads to life"

WHAT glory would be to the Lamb of God - if we walked in his footsteps.
How many unbelievers would be quieted in their angry rages and false accusations to pay attention to the good news, if we who bear his Name - acted like we belonged to him?

Oh, great God - change our hearts....we are foolish and stubborn of heart. Please remove the blind spots where our sin hides and keep us from being tricked by our American freedom mentality that forsakes those who sin against us.........because YOU never forsake us stupid sinful sheep. Break our hearts Father, for the sake of your Name.

In Christ Jesus Name.

laters,
jenb

Forgetting the Blessing of Blogging?

2009-05-15T06:16:00.000-07:00

So, I had a conversation last night with our small group leader about blogging......and I forget how helpful it is in getting my heart to the crux of the matter..........to aid in articulating thoughts and emotions so that I can discern what God might be doing.

Truth is, that I've been struggling with so much randomness that it's hard to narrow down to one topic. Some of it is just sorting through my current struggle to be a better wife. I want to be the homemaker....to have the home neat and in order always, and to be able to have time to cook and search out healthy recipes and etc. But the season I'm in doesn't really allow for that. I work my tail off at work, and keeping up with bills and budgeting, our social calendar and working out. The things that SEEM most critical. Then, I relax and/or read in my free time.
But, should there BE FREE TIME??
My sister in law is very admirable. She's the most organized woman I know. Her home is huge, and yet ALWAYS clean. She was over last weekend, and I just asked her some questions about how she does it with 3 small children.......she makes it sound so easy...but also tells me that she gets up at 6am and doesn't sit down until 9pm. dood.

The sermon last Sunday was about the Prov 31 woman....how she stays awake late into the night working, and yet rises before her household to prepare for the day.
HOW DOES THIS PROVERBS CHICK do it??
I know that if I'm training (working out) as hard as I have been, the studies I've read show that I NEED 8hours of sleep to help my body recoup. That means, bed by 10pm, up at 6am.

So where do I get this time that I need to devote to my home from?
Do I forsake spending time with people during the week to tend to chores and my household for the sake of my husband? Is THAT most honoring to my Father?
Is this what God asks of me as my PRIORITY??

I think so......though I'm not on the CONVICTION side of it yet.

That's HARD for me, because I love people so very much and would look for any reason to get out to spend time with them. (especially some who are a tremendous blessing - as we have REAL fellowship and a burden for the lost)

I've been fighting it a bit....though I had so looked forward to being a blessing to my husband......it's hard to be all things at once.

I will seek the Lord in this. He will supply all that I need to be what He requires and desires from me.

up out,
jenb

It is Finished

2009-04-10T11:23:00.000-07:00

No More My God, I boast no more
Of all the duties I have done
I quit the hopes I held before,
To trust the merits of Thy Son

No more my God
No more my God
No more my God
I boast no more

Now, for the loss I bear his name,
What was my gain I count my loss
My former pride I call my shame
And nail my glory to His cross

Yes, and I must, I will esteem
All things but loss for Jesus' sake
O may my soul be found in Him
And of His righteousness partake
Amen, amen

The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne
But faith can answer Thy demands
By pleading what my Lord has done

********************

Forget Self-esteem

2009-04-03T06:58:00.000-07:00

If you are one of the many people who struggle with 'old english' style writing from the puritans John Owen and Jonathan Edwards....I highly recommend the book 'The Enemy Within"

My husband and I are reading it currently, and it's filled with texts that cut to the heart.......as God's word was intended to. You have to get low to get high, as Christ will lift you up.

"He who is bowed down is speedily released."
"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."

Admitting our own 'good deeds' as being mostly self serving will heat up the luke warm, coasting style love for others into what we are truly called to.
I mean that 'love' that is offered in place of the sacrifical love that is required of us, that pours out of a broken hearted love for what Jesus has done for such pathetic wretches.

Kris Lundgaard wrote the book.......using today's terminology and up to date examples to hit us where we need it most - the heart.
I don't have much time to go into it, but the one piece that is sticking with me today is what he said about how loves differ. (I forget the exact quote but it was something like this)

"Buying a birthday gift for a friend is a bit like 'choking down' a double fudge brownie sundae, but letting a homeless person sleep in our homeis more like eating gravel."

This thought pricks my heart in that area that I guard and call 'wisdom' .......love and compassion and the law is summed up by this - that you love your neighbor as yourself.

How disturbing this should be for those who are 'in the church' who find it hard to EVEN love those who love them.....yikes..........How is love for enemies ever to manifest itself -if the basic love for brothers and sisters isn't there? (total sidenote.....see 1 John, as this isn't possible....)

May God get us out of our worship of self and comfort and ease and give us devotion to Him that can affect hearts for eternity.

Love in Truth,
jen2

Long Time, No Post.

2009-03-26T07:19:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure what to make of the place I'm in lately.
I'm really happy........and really ready for whatever is next.......and I can't sit still.

Things are going well, a little too well.........
This may sound crazy, but it seems like without trials we (humans) get a bit too comfortable with this life......

So, speaking of comfortable - today marks the first day that I've heard gun shots fired outside my home. God didn't even let my pulse raise......I know that this is WHY we're here.
I called 911 to report it, as it sounded like it was in my backyard.....and then text my husband to let him know. 6:18am; Seems to be the time when the night crawlers get ready to head to bed.
(my husband lovingly reminded me who controls bullets, though I was already peaced out about it :)

If you don't know or haven't heard, we bought a home in North Minneapolis, and have recently started to pursue membership at a local congregation here; The people in this congregation have a tremendous love and drive to reach the gang members and drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes in the area. They even just recently did an outreach last Sunday and spoke with about 48 gangsters...sharing the need to turn from sin and be reconciled to God before God pulls their card. My husband is involved in the ministry to the poor in the community via the food donations distribution, but is hoping to get involved on the front lines with the gang bangers.

As of right now, I try not to think about what could happen if he goes onto gang turf at night and meets some gangster who has a gun and doesn't want to hear the gospel. "What would I do without my husband?" comes into my mind often.....but the fear that gets stirred up is destroyed by the truth very quickly by God's grace.

These people are killing each other, many are within weeks/months of standing before a Holy God. I fear for them much more than for my husband, who soul was ransomed by God over 10 years ago. What a legacy he would leave, loving those who hate him, risking his life to tell them of the good news that God has every right to send us to hell, but has made a way of escape.

Jesus

My prayer now is that my husband would be ever more distracted by eternal things.......seeing thugs as eternal beings, in need of mercy, just like the rest of us. My co-workers and friends and family are no different....their sin is just different. Jesus said that Lust is the same as Adultery, and Hatred is the same as Murder......that the sin of the heart is what God sees, and our OWN consciences will accuse us on judgment day. We know we do wrong, but we shhh our conscience ....just like taking the battery out of the smoke detector, so that it quits annoying us.

Today is the day. God said that the first time Jesus came, he came NOT to condemn the world but to save it. NEXT time he comes however, he will be angry with those who have spurned the blood of the covenant, either by believing that they can EARN his favor, or by their rejecting His provision of the substitutionary bleeder.

"The best obedience of my hands,
Dares not appear before Thy throne.
But Faith can lift, Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done."

Boasting and hoping ONLY in the cross of my Savior,
jen2

When the Love of a Sinner reflects their Savior.........

2009-01-22T09:06:00.000-08:00

I feel so foolish so often.....seeing my behavior not line up with the truth that I subscribe to.
One of my good friends described being appalled by her own behavior as somehow being outside of herself watching herself speak cruel words to her husband and thinking "wow, you're really mean"

The need for self reflection time was provoked by a dear sister from my former church who said quite bluntly "your sin looks so very wicked when committed by someone else"

owie.

If I was a girl who knew me......who saw how blessed I was to have the husband I have, I'd feel the weight of the scripture MORE I think. SAD. What applies to how a woman is to love and respect her husband in the hard times? AND what am I believing about my FATHER's giving me to such a man?

All in all, my husband is a man who strives......he has come to rescue me from my pathetic self too many times to count when I've been trapped inside my own mind by lies that threaten to define my reality and destroy my marriage.

I don't deserve him.
Him, who is not perfect either....who has his own struggles......continues to lay aside his own concerns and hopes to come and get low with me in my muck.
My heart melts every time by the sincere love in his voice......he reflects Jesus much more than I ever give him credit for.

So, we're studying Hosea for my bible study...his character, his life's purpose.....and I see my husband's role in my life..............and his. He is getting a better understanding of what it is like to love an imperfect bride, what God's love is REALLY like for his church......the height and depth and breadth......and I'm learning how humbling it really is to be loved by such a one.

Covenant love is such a peculiar thing.

I have some issue, some idolatry of some expectation of some sort that is not met....and I give myself over to my idolatry ....by being so hurt and so discontent that my marriage isn't this or that, and in a BIG way reflect the harlotry of Gomer.......she continues to run from a man who loves her....and her husband goes to find her, in the midst of her worldly pursuits (her prostitution) and he brings her back to himself.

This is the love of the Father......the love of His Son for his Bride, the church.
"Never will I leave you nor forsake you."

Ramble ramble.
I love him......Christ Jesus. and I love seeing him in my dear husband, Brent.
To God be the glory in his church.

up out,

Publish Post

jen2

Seeking the Lost to Win.....

2009-01-07T13:23:00.000-08:00

Wellp.

Here I am......getting mocked again. :)
I'm pretty sure that God moves me around into different positions and etc for two reasons, one: to sanctify me by making clear just how rebellious and wicked my heart is so that he can change me and two: the LOST sheep are here somewhere. (always)

I'm not thinking on the human idea of "Success" as being only when people come to trust in Christ.........but the questions being more like -
Did I represent Him well? Was I faithful? Was I a coward?
Did I count Christ as my treasure ABOVE the praises of people, ABOVE my job security?
That is where the battle is for us and it sometimes discourages me when I hear people saying that they guard what they say at work and call it "wisdom"

Back in 2000, I worked for UsBank as a lender.......the security guard OVERHEARD a conversation about Jesus that I had with a client and went to my supervisor and said she was offended. So, I got written up for it.
Shortly after that, another situation....this time with a professing believer co-worker of mine, one whom I had had fellowship with, but was a bit skeptical of her conversion.......my doubt was semi-confirmed when she begun dating a muslim man and having him sleep over in her bed with her 3 small children home. He moved in with her and though I was a baby Christian, I knew the word well enough to know that that was 'off'. I wrote her a letter from the grief of my heart and mailed it to her home. (knowing that it wasn't something to discuss at work, as it was pretty sensitive stuff) Well, she brought it to work, and though it was worded in the most kind way........she was so ANGRY with me and gave it to my supervisor.....and then I was written up again. (now I know that I could have pursued the bank and required a transfer due to freedom of speech laws, but then, I was just worn out from it all....so I quit a couple months later)
The moral of this story.......I didn't fire back insults at her.....but told her that I cared which resulted in her cursing me out and that was that.

The SAME SUN that melts the ice - hardened the clay.
The same truth will affect different hearts - differently. To some we are a fearful smell of death and judgement.....to others, a life giving perfume.

To M&I bank I went.....in 2003.
Enter, banker training, sit in the front row to minimize my distractions.....and 1 minute before class starts, a nice young man walks in and sits in the seat next to me. He has NO idea what he's in for. Lunch break after lunch break that entire week, we discussed the things of the Lord, and he had questions like no one I'd ever talked to before.....
I shared ONLY the law with him, because he didn't see the NEED for a Savior.......also, I gave him a disciple CD (GREAT God fearing band) and invited him to the concert that was that weekend. They shared the gospel and he repented in tears.....the fruit that came from that brother immediately was like nothing I'd ever seen before.....and though he struggles like all of us, he continues to bear fruit today.

To North Star Resource Group as an executive assistant to a very difficult couple of men.
The Lord put me there for a few reasons I think.....one, to quiet me down, to slow me down in my responses to people who deal harshly....because it was a very harsh and arrogant environment where people who are higher up look at you as though you're nothing but the one who washes their toilet. (which is GOOD for someone who wants to take on the character and form of a servant)
Anycrux, I met a guy there, who was a good friend of mine......but who mocked me and scoffed at my faith and my thoughts of sin - which was especially hard, because this person knew me very very well and SAW my sin.....some of the worst of me.....and for the longest time, I thought my testimony was destroyed and he'd never see Jesus if he was looking at me in the filth of my sin.
(I actually lost my patience with him a number of times - so not cool)
Moral of that story - I learned that Christ is MIGHTY to save - that guy came to know Christ about a year or so later, and he called me up and asked me to lunch....where he apologized for mocking me and said that he understood now the severity of sin and told me that he had been saved by grace. God used me despite.....me. I could weep just thinking about that.

Fast forward to today.........I work at a small credit union.....
I LOVE my co-workers as if they were my own family......there are 14 or so of us....the president is a wonderful God fearing man who prays for his employees often. The two guys in my dept are like brothers to me......I feel like I've known them forever......and it's like a repeat of my experiences to see them mock and scoff at God, the same ways that other NOW believers did.

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders;

Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished;

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished.

Sigh. I am not offended, but knowing the one who is offended, terrifies me for them if they do not take refuge in the one who gave them life.........
(please pray for these if you would)

let us never forget that our purpose in life is NOT to have a purpose in THIS life.
Let goods and kindred go - this mortal life also, the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still.
HIS KINGDOM IS FOREVER!!!

Those around you are eternal beings......they will go to one of two places.......and if we are not faithful to tell them that the King is returning for His faithful - we are cruel indeed.

Ez 33:1
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.'"

For the sake of the Name,
jennifer

Faith and Prayer

2008-12-16T11:31:00.000-08:00

Has anyone ever asked you for prayer - and yet they ask with an air that there is no hope ??
I only noticed this recently, because the people who I pray with and for lately have a true heart that God is going to provide for us what we ask in His Name.

I LOVE this! The faith to trust His reply is so precious and I've personally had some huge answers to prayer lately..........

I hope to grow much in the area of asking with the faith of a child.

Peace to you in Christ ~

jb

Conversations with a .....gulp.... Calvinist

2008-11-18T19:59:00.000-08:00

Before you assume that you are not Calvinistic in your doctrine., I would ask you what do you do when your child dies?

I say this, not to provoke sympathy, since I know my God reigns......I only ask to see where our doctrine comes into play?

One sunny fall evening after church at Bethlehem, and after wrestling for a few months about a guy that I had been dating - who was a phenomenal man, a wonderful brother in Christ, who happened to have a strong belief in keeping faith simple and believed that free will was the only explanation to evil in this world.

But, if I remember right, Jesus COMMANDED the demons who possessed people and they OBEYED the living God. Natural evil like weather - "who is this that the wind and the waves OBEY him???"

Anycrux, yeah, I was wrestling - because why date someone if you can't marry them ?

So.....back to the story....after church service, Pastor Piper always invites people forward if they should need to pray. I felt like I couldn't resolve this, and so I got in line.

He is the most kind man I've ever met......the depth of love for the flock in this pastor's eyes is what I will never forget.....I FELT like a sheep!

I explained my dilemma about dating a Godly, yet doctrinally different fellow - and his counsel was so straight forward and so ambiguous that I felt comforted and knew what to do, but he didn't tell me explicitly......

odd?

yep

I broke it off with the guy......(and by God's grace married the wonderful man who is pretty much IDENTICALLY minded - scripture and values wise - what a blessing!)

What was the counsel from my pastor?

That I consider 2 things:

1) That the true believers talk very much like calvinists when trials come........

2) To consider if I could submit to a man as the head of the house with the strong conviction that I had of the things I see in the Word.

I didn't get what he was saying about the 'true believers talk like calvinists thing' till one day I met a dear sister in Christ for coffee. She is a true believer if I've ever met one.....we have the same heart beat for Jesus practically. (one of those kind of solid where you KNOW and feel the other persons affections for God)

Anyhow, she is an arminian, not because she calls herself one, she just doesn't accept that God is ALL Sovereign and ALL powerful. She main argument is that "God could, but doesn't control every little detail, because then he would be to blame for evil and he is not the author of evil"

I can see her desire to get God off the hook, but God doesn't take Himself off the hook.

The talking like a calvinist thing comes into play when she expressed to me, in tears, how she was doing spiritually. She was praying that God would let her glorify Him and obey Him with a cheerful heart at work, but she was not able to do so.

So, from my calvinistic view of God's Sovereignty over ALL things, including my friend's ability to OBEY God.......I offered up a few suggestions for her consideration:

God lets his children go on a skid....for their own good, the source of humility is evangelical humiliation....ie...true repentance. Since, if you do not fail from time to time, you could be in danger of living on your own righteousness and not trusting in Christ as your only hope......as Edwards would say "glistering in your own eyes and thinking that God is impressed with you too" a deadly pharisee way to think.....God Almighty knows you better than you know yourself - and he knows how to keep you until the day of Salvation.......if "He needs to give you cancer, he'll give you cancer." Since God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble, let us not scoff at those things which come into our lives which are humbling. No obedience, no faith, no devotion, NO GOOD ever comes from man, but only from God.....that no human being may boast in His sight.

Soooo many texts to put up for this point I'm trying to make.........

but it is very late.....

I'll proof read, edit and add all the texts floating around in my little mind tomorrow.

nighty night!

jen

Why do some Repent - Part I

2008-10-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

So many confusions of categories in the faith.
Did God ordain who's going where?

Um, yeah.

Is a person responsible for what they do and morally culpable?

YEP.

What the?

Why are non-believers struggling LESS with this thought than believers is beyond me. I struggled with it hard core. Hated it even.......until I submitted to the word of God.

The whole issue needs to begin and end with Scripture, not our human understanding. Taking to heart the words "lean NOT on your own understanding" is sooo critical to getting to the crux of the matter of faith in a Sovereign God.

The text that cannot be skated around AND no matter how you slice it, or dissect it in Greek, is Romans 9:10 & f.
"Not only that, but Rebekah's children had one and the same father, our father Isaac.
Yet, before the twins were born or had done anything good or bad—in order that God's purpose in election might stand: 12not by works but by him who calls—she was told, "The older will serve the younger." Just as it is written: "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses,
"I will have mercy on whom I have mercy,
and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion."

It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? As he says in Hosea:
"I will call them 'my people' who are not my people;
and I will call her 'my loved one' who is not my loved one," and,
"It will happen that in the very place where it was said to them,
'You are not my people,'
they will be called 'sons of the living God.' "

Isaiah cries out concerning Israel:
"Though the number of the Israelites be like the sand by the sea,
only the remnant will be saved.
For the Lord will carry out
his sentence on earth with speed and finality."

It is just as Isaiah said previously:
"Unless the Lord Almighty
had left us descendants,
we would have become like Sodom,
we would have been like Gomorrah."

I don't really feel the need to highlight the parts that SCREAM out God's choosing who will not be hardened against Him. To my dear Arminian brothers and sisters (whom I know are God's)
what then do we do with this verse?

In Christ,
jen

The Great Exchange

2008-10-23T19:55:00.001-07:00

In a conversation with a brother in the Lord recently....he said something pretty blunt about Facebook.....he hates it.

And though I enjoy seeing my friends photos and what they are up to and chatting via msgs that way........I see his point....his main point.

That facebook and especially it's ever more VAIN counterpart Myspace.....are "all about me"......well, isn't that just the easiest thing to sell to America.

"The land of the ME" is more like it.

I'm seeing it everywhere.....testing - in everything I do. Sure, I won't be dropping off facebook anytime soon perhaps........but you know.....I think we have to ask ourselves.....in all of life.....our words, our workout, our relationships - what is our ultimate goal with it? Is it God honoring and others focused? Do we use it as a means of blessing others or do we simply use it to bolster up that stupid soul of ours with vain pretenses that we are humble and yet desire to be envied?

ack.......

Seriously, if I see myspace ever again, i might have to yak. The girls trying SO hard to be sexy and lusty.....it's just so sad. They want love and use this sensual draw card (which is sad enough) to attract loser guys who only think about ONE thing...who use "love claims" to get what they want. And the cycle continues. I've been removed from the world for so long that I had forgotten the system....

Anycrux, The problem sadly, isn't JUST the world.....the draw of living 'empowered lives' is pulling sheep in. (real sheep ? that's debatable) *** by 'empowered lives' I mean girls who use their attractiveness as a means of getting what they want.

The worship of self is SO denied by those of us in the church, let alone unbelievers.

Though today while looking for a new workout video, I stumbled across a website of a girl named Jennifer Nicole Lee (brothers, beware and take heed to my warning not to go there if you be loyal to Christ)

This chick goes on and on for oh, 10 minutes about self love being the most powerful love there is and she FLAT out says "we women, should be worshipped"

I was like.......WHAT !!?

I know women who act that way, but NEVER had I ever actually heard anyone say that.....out. loud.

All in all, she uses "happiness" and "empowerment" as draw cards fpr her religion - self worship. DOOD. what is this girl gonna do as she ages. She is human, she is an eternal soul in a body of dust.....she will face THE God to whom she will have to give an account of all of her demands for worship, all of the sin in men's hearts that SHE caused........idol words.....yikes..

Romans 1:25

"They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshipped and served the things created rather than the Creator, who is forever praised."

This all comes together......hang in there with me.

ALL of life is a battle against loving self more than God. Believers too....actually, we're probably the ONLY ones engaged in a battle against self love. Paul Tripp wrote a book called the War of Words, which my husband has been tremendously blessed by and has been sharing HUGE heart themes with me that have caused me some internal turmoil. (in a good way)

Paul quotes James 4 in the book........and I would tend to agree (knowing my own sinful heart) that our own desires - which are self focused - cause our external sin....words, actions etc.

So that if I'm driving down the road and someone cuts me off and I'm upset.......it's because in my world - they should know that I HATE that and not do it.

(As my dad used to say "the world REVOLVES around me")

Completely wicked.

Our communication issues, our butt hurt - all of it is not the OTHER person.....or the circumstances.....it is our own self focused "ME first and you better not get in the way of what I want or ELSE there will be consequences" mentality. It's absolutely sneaky, and it's absolutely in the hearts of all men and women.

Look for it in your heart.....watch where your feelings get hurt....it is self love.

Because love for others - "covers an offense" and "overlooks wrong" and "rejoices in the truth"

Watch where you get frustrated with people you don't know

(Paul Tripp used the example) - "I want to drive down a road alone that other citizens paid for"

Or at work....thinking you're so great that everyone should admire you....but what do you have, that you did not receive from the Father?......including gifts, intellect, ability, comprehension, health - that you are even ABLE to work?

Christ is to live in us, and for that to happen we must be crucified, and reckon ourselves dead to sin.

CrossMovement said it best when they said

" My Self will lie, in a coffin, often, self does try,

to let greed creep in and be like "just get by"

That's a lie though, cuz I dive LOW to get high oh~

Cuz he lift me up like hydro - EASY."

That Christ may be all in all.

jen2

ramble ramble.....

Haha.......well, where else you gonna find a quote from a Christian author, a fitness model, and Cross movement? :)

Trembling words

2008-10-15T20:59:00.000-07:00

So, I can't sleep.....

I started writing this at 11pm Wednesday night...who knows when it'll get done....but I cannot get these thoughts out of my head lately.

My husband has been reading a book called The War of Words by Paul Tripp.....with much profit.

He shares the truth from the texts brought up in that book with me just as a "hey, I'm learning this" type thing.....but the effects are much more potent than he realizes.

The power of the tongue is huge..and I see the negative side so much more clearly lately that i have less and less to say......mostly because of the deadly poison I see coming out of my own mouth. Talking of things that I should not, and rude and self seeking words to my husband when he's trying to talk rationally with me. My heart is just broken. I have nothing to say for myself....and the questions that come lately (if I don't try to numb them away) are something like "am I really a believer?"

To fail this much in my heart and to claim that it is regenerate seems peculiar. I almost don't even like people talking to me as if I AM a believer.....because I am not yet convinced that I am.

But lo and behold, by the mercy and kindness of God....my younger brother, saved just 5 months after I was 8 years ago, is going through a very similar stage of the faith.

It seems as though God is kicking me out of the nest a bit by removing some of His enabling graces to do and think and rejoice in righteousness....sort of giving me a glimpse of what I am without Him.....I tend to agree with my brother - that one of the main reasons that God lets believers fail is to remind them that their righteousness is an alien righteousness. Sure, we wear it, it is our only hope, but it has never been OF US. All that comes from us is hate and greed and self exaltation and wickedness.

I also think that the Father does this to me so that I would read the promises such as "you will find me when you seek me jennifer, if you seek me with your whole heart"

with great encouragement.

No more crying as loud as I can until daddy comes and pick me up and scolds the ones who were picking on me. It's time to grow up a bit, to let my roots go deep down in the soil of the word that I would not be blown over by these trials of this temporary life.

DOING the word is much much much different than I thought. I love to learn doctrine and I think that it is very necessary....VERY.......it is a foundation to acting rightly, since how can you have discernment of right and wrong - based on nothing?

sigh. that's a whole other blog topic for you doctrine haters out there.....I hope to convince you that knowledge is precious......but MORE than that - to convince those who are too knowledgeable for their own good that DOING the word from the heart - with the love of Christ........is much more precious than knowing so much. Sadly, i have met many people that emphasis TOO much one point and belittle the other......they are either 'relationships' or 'doctrine' people. Agh.....enough rambling...I'm sleepy.

As my husband has taught me when we pray - trials? I welcome them, they are for my good, and though I am still weary.........I thank God for Jesus.

Grace for help in time of need, and mercy - sheer mercy to not be crushed for our sin like we deserve.

Here we go. Year 8.

By His grace I've come thus far, and by grace alone, i will get home.

In Christ Jesus,

jen2

The latest trial

2008-10-01T06:23:00.000-07:00

So I'm getting crammed into this place where the Lord is definitely trying to give me understanding in something. Though it seems ambiguous yet.....and that is very hard for me.
I've been through this before, where I have ways about me, or attitudes of heart and I have an idea that they are not in line with God's word, but a text will not cut my heart to release the pressure that has been building up for sometime. I long to know what it is that I need to repent of, but it is just out of reach for now......

and so I wait.
and watch.
and listen.

Perhaps this sounds nuts, but I've been here before......the numbness of life and the stagnancy of my heart just cause me to read the word more to find out what it is that is lacking in my thinking - because I'm lacking the right affections. (hatred for sin, love for God that is overflowing and love for my family in the Lord)

So odd.....so normal. If you're there too, hang with me and watch...
Waiting for my deliverer........He will come as surely as the spring rains that water the earth,
jen2

A need for repentance ~

2008-09-28T20:34:00.000-07:00

I spent the day alone today.....as my husband was out fishing with a dear brother in the Lord.....
Normally I love being alone..and have great joy in the Lord and through His word am encouraged.....but not today.
Today was one of those days of shutting up with no excuses to offer the Lord for my behavior or for my attitudes.....just nothing.
I live blocks away from the place where my church held the national Desiring God conference, but since my husband and I have a bid on a house....we were not able to afford to go this year......but thanks to one of the FEW righteous uses of the internet and DG, the sermons were posted so that we could listen to the preaching just hours after it was recorded live.

The sermon I posted earlier pierced me.....and it hurts still and I don't believe it will go away any time soon. The rebukes that came from pastor Mark Driscoll were so dead on and I continued in shock as I went about my day -almost as a zombie to the world. The rubukes came in just the right tone at just the right time, by God's grace.....
I've been wrestling with wanting to be a more compassionate person.....to be more "winsome' as some of my anonymous critics have said........wondering how can it be possible to not mince God's words - but to speak with love AND truth?
On top of that I had been just caught up with cares of this life......(and his rebuke to women who just indulge in comforts and pleasures and possessions and sit around doing nothing and expecting everything to be done for them was a great warning)

Back to using words wisely............words that cut and offend....... The crux of the matter that I've come to ......is that if I use the sword correctly, people will and should get cut. Better to be injured in pride and ego now and saved through the pain, than to be coddled now and go to hell. Pastor Driscoll mentioned that in some seminaries people are being told to sugar coat their preaching so they don't offend or get hurt......to which he replied "well, yeah, the guy who wrote the bible was murdered, I'm pretty sure we know how this is going to go down."

So, I asked myself if I am willing to love, to tell the truth and to be hated without cause - can I rejoice?
I repent of my passivity for the sake of gaining acceptance......of my silence amongst those whom I love in Christ, lest I should speak up and not be invited to spend time with them again. What is this fear of men?

Truth is precious....and God's word cuts deep........
Lord give us grace to yield to your word. Without you we cannot....we will remain foolish and self seeking.

I have yet to develop thoughts on this............as I am in the midst of dealing with a situation that involves someone whom I've told the truth......a person whom I love in Christ.......but this person seems emotionally driven..(and i KNOW all too well the workings of lies on one's emotions)...and does not like to hear truth....I believe that they would rather just sit and wallow in their sinful pity party and shaking their fist at God than to see what God says about their situation / attitude and what His mind and heart say about the trials that they are facing.
It is a dangerous thing to have a hard heart. I've dealt with others who've gone down the path of no repentance and emotionalism who say that I've been a bad friend because I tell them the truth. Though I talk to them with love and sincerity, sometimes with tears; My heart is completely engaged in seeking their good. But they do not want to 'get preached at' but would rather I sit and listen to them spew out things contrary to scripture. That is their definition of a 'good friend'
Now surely, a good friend loves at all times.....but better are wounds from a friend than kisses from an enemy.
A true friend does not want to see their friends held captive in the lies of satan or the cares of this life.......a real friend wants to remind their friend of their freedom....of their Father.....of their Highest hope.
I do not know where this will end, and I pray with sorrow and hope.

May God bring us all back to REAL fellowship where we listen and encourage and rebuke and admonish one another freely - with love and boldness that we may be sanctified.

In Christ Jesus,
jennifer

Bluntness IS loving in a postmodern world......

2008-09-27T18:05:00.001-07:00

Thank God for thoughts from pastor Mark Driscoll.....

If you profess to know Christ, and you say you believe the bible.......I dare you to listen to this sermon.

I've gotten lost a bit in the grey area.........in our culture to be accused of being "harsh" and to be known as the blunt one.....I'm coming back to who God has designed US all to be....if we really belong to Christ .....(I agree with Driscoll)

We are to love the sheep, rebuke the swine (those who claim to be sheep but their fruit is COMPLETELY contrary) and shoot the wolves......(heretics who pervert the truth of the gospel)

Starting October 2008......or....right now........heaven and hell at stake everyday....I'm going to be delicate...but intense.

http://www.desiringgod.org/resourcelibrary/conferencemessages/byconference/41/

click on MARK DRISCOLL'S MESSAGE........

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/41/

(click on Mark Driscolls message)

A Heart to Obey is at the Broken Heart of Every Believer

2008-09-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Deep down anyway. Sometimes we weak-in-the-knees, easily-distracted-by-shiny-things -type people need to be reminded of our first love and what He desires from us.

The mercy of God becomes dim and unexciting and unamazing at times for all of us if we let the world (and Oprah) distract us and believe their lies about what is important.
Self seeks to elevate itself above everything. The bluntness of my last post I need to admit, is due to seeing deception in the heart of another - knowing that I WAS IN THE MIDST OF BEING DECEIVED by the same thing - and then being terrified.
It was so incredibly subtle how I was trying to excuse myself from obeying the Lord.
'But, but, but....' was my line of the month.

Recently, my husband and I were at a meeting with the sweetest lady from my church and her husband, they are probably 30-40 years older than me, and the wife had gone through some pretty long-term deception herself. She's been married for about 45 years or so ......and I was super interested in her insights into long term covenant keeping with a fellow sinner.
She told me of a time when she was deceived/distracted from God by her emotions. She was legally separated from her husband after 18-20 years of what she and HE describe as a miserable marriage. Somehow (I'm not sure exactly) her heart began to break before the Lord's words (commands) of what He had done for her (in taking the penalty of the wrath of God) and what he commanded of her as his child. She went back to live with him after 2 years apart, as hard as it was living with a man like him, she hoped to love as Christ loves us.
She and her husband sat across from my husband and he nearly wept as he spoke of how selfish a man he was and how he hurt his wife by being distant and not caring for her as Christ would have had him. But they are a tremendous testimony to the Covenant keeping blessing of marriage that God has given us to show unbelievers by our lives how God keeps his promises - because His children do too......even if it costs us our comforts, our pleasures - even our lives.

I sat stunned. I have felt like this is whole "dying to self" was just too far beyond me that I was unable to do it.

That encouraging story came into my life shortly after a woman in my bible study (let's call her 'Mary') had shared her testimony of God's amazing grace in her marriage. She had been married 16 years and with sorrow on her face for her disbelief in God - she pulled no punches saying "I was in sin, I hated my husband and I felt like there was no hope"

But the Lord did as he had done with the lady I mentioned before....He opened up the word to 'Mary' - not showing her what her husband was doing wrong, but what SHE was doing that was disobedient, and something in her broke.
She sought prayer from other sisters and counsel on how to RENEW her mind......since she was convinced that it doesn't just "happen" by reading a verse here and there and enjoy a light and frothy Christian song once in awhile.....but by a conscious effort to change a sinful habit. (her sin was her responses to her husband in pretty much everything)
Doing what God requires of us starts is tremendously different than I thought - with blessings to my soul that are beyond my wildest dreams.
It starts with our thinking rightly about our own sin as BEFORE the Lord....since what others do to us will be irrelevant when we go to the judgement.

There will be NO "But he did..."
God will say to me, "That is not your concern, What did YOU do in response to being treated unfairly Jennifer"

Anyhow, back to the story....'Mary' was determined to obey God and seek first His Kingdom....to get into a right relationship with God, you cannot ignore your sin.
So, first thing she did when her husband talked to her in a way that would have provoked her to snap back - was to remain silent. No reply is better than a wicked reply. She would go into the other room to pray to the Father to love her then enemy and keep her covenant.
After making a practice of not responding to his short attitude, she then started to go back into the room with a kind word to him. She laughed as she remembered how shocked he was when she not only didn't fire something back, but talked sweetly to him, in a way that showed love and a care for what he was talking about...trying to look past his attitude and sin - right into his heart.....to win him over by love that is not shaken.

She teared up as she spoke about how her husband is now her very best friend, and how week by week, month by month - he has been becoming more and more of a Godly man in his speech and conduct and has been in the word leading their marriage as God had commanded him.

Sisters, she is fulfilling God's design for us by being a helpmate for her husband, that he might become the man God wants him to be. (by our being the women that God wants us to be) God has blessed her 1000 times over in her marriage for her obedience and seeking to live rightly related to Jesus in righteousness.

"In your presence there is fullness of joy"

Anycrux,
THIS is the reason for my last post.
I'm desperate for Christ and I want to bear fruit that proves that I'm connected to the vine. That He would get the glory and I would get the joy from being rightly related to Him in all of the details of my life.

I want to change regardless of what my husband does. (though- Praise the LORD I have a wonderful man, who reflects Christ more and more every day.....I'm incredibly blessed to have a man who desires to change too)

In an effort to not be so harsh I ended up re-writing my reply to the comments on the last post. Knowing that I'm conversing with people NOT just thought patterns has been helpful to consider.

Please, no more 'anonymous' or 'nameless' comments. If you disagree, be accountable for what you say too. (my friends rebuke me for things that are too harsh, and I am thankful for their insights)

With love from above,
jen2

Taste....see......and Fear

2008-08-27T11:06:00.000-07:00

1 Peter 2:1-3
"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

So I've only been married for 10 short months....and one of most sorrowful blessings I've received has been hearing of the failings of the marriages of friends of mine...or the falling away from the faith of professing believers that I've known since my conversion in 2000.

Having been present at some of the weddings adds something to the grief I think.....but those who have had the blessed meditations on the covenant keeping love of Christ Jesus will feel a pang hearing of professing believers getting divorced even if we've never known them personally.

Those who know me will hopefully forgive my bluntness.....but divorce is not a gray area whatsoever. The scripture (not your shrink) says that the only reason that it IS biblical (though still not the ideal) is in the case of adultery. And honestly, I'm sick of hearing women say "he was having an affair with his work, he loved it more than me" blah blah rotten blah.

Then there are those who will dare to go toe to toe with scripture and say "well, what if he's physically abusive to her and his children!!!"

Um...she should not remain in the same household, certainly not. And a redemptive separation may be the action taken, but not divorce friends. Please stop elevating human reason over the Word of God. Be there for our sisters who go through such things, but dare them to love their enemies as Jesus loved us wicked ones.
Even in the cases of adultery, the Lord gives us a picture of His covenant keeping love by loving an adultress / idolatrous nation - see Hosea....showing us what it means to keep a sacred vow.
The light and breezy marriage talk has no place among believers. And though marriage is not without it's difficulties, you can endure it. The Lord will never give you more than you can endure. If God is truly your Father, you have indeed been CALLED to suffer while doing good.

1 Peter 2:20
"But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps."

All this is just on my heart lately, as a recently had a client in my office ...(on a day when I was struggling with how much work marriage is)
He had to move some things around because his wife of 5 months divorced him and left him with nothing. He said she was a believer......and that he was just baffled that she had no desire to work on the marriage and was oblivious to her own faults from the day she walked down the aisle. Refusing to go to counseling, she left feeling as though he was just a mistake.
This guy said to me something that just encouraged me and made me so very thankful.
He said "everyday that you are married to a spouse who has not quit trying to be better is a day to be very thankful for.....a willing heart to grow in an imperfect person is a miracle."

A miracle - truly.....only the regenerate can go day in and day out being convicted, needing to apologize, seeking forgiveness and HAVING the supernatural strength to say "whether my spouse changes/loves me/fill in the blank - or not, I will obey the Lord and seek their good"

Today is the day to start again....as long as you have another breath, let thankfulness to God come out that you still have opportunity to keep your vows to Him......and to live out your love for Him by obeying Him in your marriage.

Today is a good day.......I'm pretty fortunate as I think back. I almost married a make-believer.....but God graciously let that relationship die....and sadly, the Lord gave him over to his sin, and led me to the man of my dreams just 3 months later.

I fear being given over to my hard heart every day. Not quite enough....but it's there.....and if you think about those who CONVINCED us that they were our kindred and were no where near regenerate......you might find yourself crying out more often for mercy and faith.

May God break our hearts, our bodies - whatever it takes to keep us near Him.
And give us grace and peace in His presence - whatever comes.
In Jesus Name,
Amen.

love and bluntness, because I can't help it,
jen2

When sin becomes bitter, Mercy becomes sweet

2008-06-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

So, though ambiguous, it's pretty plain that I have not had the ease of the fairytale marriage right off the bat. I've had better than a fairy tale. In fairy tales, the women are always portrayed as lovely and the "damsel in distress" - when that is SO not the case in real life.
Women do not sleep in evening gowns, nor wake up smiling with sweet breath and perfect red lipstick on only to rush to the window to sing and have the birds come and sit by, just to listen to her voice that's like an angel.

If fairy tales were a reality series - it'd be more like.............
well, her name would be Sin-derella for starters......and she would probably have a princess complex and demand that the man who saves the day also do 1/2 the housework.....she may even want to kick a bird or a puppy every now and again. We are sinful women and men who are the bride of Christ. Self-seeking......arrogant, demanding and hate authority by nature.
And if the knight in shining armor was portrayed in truth - IE......our King of Kings and not some fruity prince who is befuddled by the vain external beauty of the damsel........what a picture!!
Some sinful wretch cast aside, not in an elegant tower, but in a prison, like on death row....she has committed treason against this King of Kings and served the master called SIN............this damsel who is broken and knows her worthlessness....knows that she deserves the death penalty for her crimes against heaven. She would be unable to find an attorney even.....the evidence is stacked against her that no loophole could be found for her escape. She has no plea, no appeal, no hope.........

Then.....

This Sovereign King who rules the world, and everything in it, whom all authority on heaven and earth has been given.........who rules the world in righteousness and loves justice........
Comes to this one damsel who is weeping.....not because she got caught....but because she knows that the King is a merciful man and she is overwhelmed with grief for her crimes.....but the penalty remains. This King would compromise his throne if he just let her go free.
He calls the guards and whispers in one of their ears......and filled with love and compassion and the desire to uphold his Reputation as the Just, He plans to pay her fine Himself.
He will pay what justice demands himself and continue to Reign from the electric chair. As he is led into the chambers he is mocked and scorned by the other criminals, human judges and the law enforcement in their self righteousness.
But this is one of the most beautiful pictures of love the world has ever seen. The innocent and upright, perfect in justice, love and humility, the ruler of the universe who could condemn and be RIGHT in his judgment, instead endures the scorn for this unworthy sinner who has lived in ways that would make you think she HATED him.......All so that she could be free, and thus become His wife.

She looks upon him, almost in disbelief that THIS is reality. This is the love of God in Christ Jesus.

MY NAME IS GRAVEN ON HIS HANDS, MY NAME IS WRITTEN ON HIS HEART
I KNOW THAT WHILE IN HEAVEN HE STANDS, NO TONGUE CAN BID ME THENCE DEPART.

The reality and foundation that is Christ and His church worked out in two sinners who both desperately want to honor their Savior and reflect the attribute of his glory - sanctified love.

Sanctified love is more precious than gold - to know Christ's love for us and to know it through your own heart towards other people will rock your soul and leave you blessed and without words. well, for awhile anyways. :) then you blog about it. heh.

My husband is the dearest man I know......seeing him in Christ and not as someone above sin, but forgiven just like me has made our marriage sweeter than honey.....through trials and whatever over the last couple months, Christ has faithfully kept us......

Better than I could have ever imagined. No eye has seen no ear has heard what God has prepared for those who love him - indeed.

This precious song is in my heart today.............
Hope that you get time to get alone before this King to remember

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, I will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow,
For I will be with thee, thy trials to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace all-sufficient shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

"The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake!"

AMEN
jen2

Self-less-ness

2008-05-21T09:16:00.000-07:00

Seriously, seeing a Christian living selfless is so rare that I had to blog about it..........I'm not saying that I'm good at it......nor that I do it with a right heart all the time (cuz sometimes, obligation isn't fun)
It's not that I am unhappy doing things for the people I love.....and I really WANT to do those things that cost me (time, exertion, money, whatever) sacrificial love type deal.
BUT then when the time comes, very few are able to do that in return. Grace happens....

Praise the Lord, there are some exceptions to this rule....my friend Huey. (minnesota mom)

I have been shocked recently by her willingness to rise early (very early) on a Saturday morning to help me with something that is pretty important to me..........(despite the fact that her sleep is pretty precious, as she has a young child) her contribution of time and using her gifts and resources ------- I still don't know what to think about it......except my afterthought of ..."wow"

Then, my other friend Ski, came over to my house to get me out for something to drink and a great conversation that I really needed..........all the while, I could sorta tell she was sleepy.....but she did it anyway.

So, I consider myself blessed to see such a friend...let alone 2 who are doing what I am struggling to do in seeking the joy and edification of others. My prayers to have those type of friends has been answered; Now, Lord willing, I will BE more and more one of those kind of friends.....ie - a more genuine Christian.

"Do nothing from rivalry or selfish ambition, but in humility consider others more significant than yourselves." phil 2:3

Jamie doesn't read my blog.....but Huey......God used you huge in my life the other day........and I did and consistently thank Him for you.

in Christ,
jen2

MYANMAR- easy to solve "who dunnit?"

2008-05-12T20:20:00.000-07:00

Tragedy by a Sovereignty who is jealous for His Name's sake.....

Many people in the 'christian' community deny the Holy wrath of God Almighty as displayed in the old testament because they wish to protect God's character..(his attribute of Mercy).........when His whole character - his HOLINESS is what needs NOT to be hidden from those of the world. (twas grace that taught my heart to fear - what?............................. Just Wrath) God is the same yesterday today and forever.....can I get an AMEN? :) heh...always wanted to type that.

It doesn't take long to search the scripture to find that the Lord God is a jealous God......he overthrows kingdoms and destroys peoples........and He is doing no one any wrong in taking back what he has given. Life.

I cut and pasted this news article online about Myanmar's religious culture and priorites:

"In 1999 they (they Myanmar military) regilded the spire of the Shwedagon Pagoda, which now glitters with 53 tons of gold and 4,341 diamonds on the crowning orb."

Forgive my frankness.........and perhaps some insensitivity........but it takes circumstances this tragic to find out what we REALLY believe about the God of the Bible.

So many rise to defend him and to say that Satan is the ultimate power in the universe and causes all these things.....but ahh........here's some texts that shed some light on the ultimate power in the universe:

Is 31:2

"And yet He is wise and brings disaster; he does not call back his words, but will arise against the house of evildoers and against the helpers of those who work iniquity."

Amos 3:6

"Is a trumpet blown in a city, and the people are not afraid? Does disaster come to a city unless the LORD has done it ? "

If you have a minute and doubt like Thomas the wrath of a Holy God.....please take a minute and go to biblegateway.com and search the word 'disaster'......the LORD is the one who's purposes are made known....whether he doesn't bring it or if he destroys many people.....it is a part of WHO HE IS.

WHICH is why we call it "being saved" John MacArthur gave a simple wonderful explanation

"People are pretty surprised to find out that they need to be saved BY God FROM God"

If you have never trembled before a Holy God.......take in the images from CNN.com on Myanmar and now China. Primarily Burmese devout Buddhists.....and remember......our idols are just different....perhaps they aren't made of gold.....but they're going down regardless.

"God the Son the only one, with a plan to redeem.

Stronger than the Army, Navy, Airforce and the Marines.

Elohim the A to Z and all that's in between,

the Supreme who could've let us fall - but he intervened.

So Hail the King, Priest and Prophet,

the inexhaustible topic,

the person of God you can peep with your optic."

- crossmovement

love in truth,

jen2

I'll edit tomorrow....I'm sleepy.

MORE on God's glory with a subordinate end of losing weight

2008-04-20T17:17:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I'm encouraged that I'm not alone. Thank you sisters for your notes and emails and comments ........and I've been thinking more about this......because food is a daily activity that God has deemed fit to keep me thinking on Him.......he's a creative creator isn't He....infinitely wise and all?

My latest thoughts are sort of ambiguous....but come from conversations from some friends and a husband who happen to be very .....'task oriented' people. (thank God for them, seriously, because without them this world would be chaos)

But when it comes to my heart before the Lord on this matter.....it's......not a 'list' anymore....to me it can't be........

In a recent discussion with my patient husband.....(because I am an external processor)

I discovered that the reason that I dislike strict weight loss / weight training regimens is because it takes the freedom out of it.....the joy and the reality of being utterly dependant on Christ for help moment by moment. For me, it is SO EXTREMELY freeing to know that I am no longer a SLAVE to sin to obey it's lusts, but that I am free to live for Christ.

I have the freedom to NOT obey my flesh. DUDE!

That............., just makes me want to skip. brb :)

Seriously though.....if you think about how you have the choice to disobey God, and think of all that He has done for your wicked self.....and then to look at an orange and be just dumbfounded by it's construction. (threads of juicy goodness if you look close enough) Or a banana.....I've heard someone talk about it as just genius and it's true. Comes in a wrapper that is bio degradable that also tells you when the fruit is ready to be eaten.....fits nicely into most human hands.

Compare that to trying to rejoice in God through eating riboflavin or maltodextrin!!

He's removed the wrath from our heads, freed us from the curse of the law and given us amazing foods that grow out of the ground to eat and be thankful and rejoice in the GIVER of all good things.

My skin is the only thing keeping me from going everywhere at once here..........legalism is dead.....God reigns and loves and provides.......

All I'm saying ....again....is that it's a GOD thing. Life is a GOD thing.....and changes and the unexpected happen....and learning to roll with the punches ...(to gain a disposition that loves righteousness and will choose it over sin at the drop of a hat) is my hearts GOAL.

My discussion with the dearest detailed friends of mine.....I've learned that they tend to be very routine in most things they do. Routine is good, don't get me wrong.....but there is a danger as Ozzie Chambers says when he speaks about our devotions. Quiet times are at certain times of day, for a certain extended amount of time, reading a certain amount of scripture, and praying in a methodical order.

Order is good, as my husband reminded me, but my point is that if we have our quiet time just to 'check off' on our list that we've accomplished it....BUT it has NOT made us more tender more lovingly obedient (joy) and more in love with Jesus, than WHAT IS THE POINT!!!???

none.

It gets dangerous when your quiet time is not quality time to meet with Jesus, it is your hour with your habit. Hence, relationships are spontaneous...and spring from love and desire.

Don't desire God ? I know a great book for you..........that may be where to start for some.

So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do.....do all for the Glory of God.

My goal is God Himself, at any cost, my dear Lord.

May He be our peace.

Up out,

JB2

Whatever you Eat, and Whatever you drink, and Whatever you do, do ALL for the Glory of God.

2008-04-03T10:38:00.001-07:00

Lose Weight for the what??? The sake of my witness?
Now there's motivation!!!

I'm only posting about this due to the ever so cautious inquiries of sisters in the Lord in the last few months about how much weight I have lost in the last year.
I found it REALLY odd that no one ever asks me the HOW or the WHY questions.
(though I tell them anyway....cuz that's how i roll)
It seems that weight or looks, etc is a 'shallow' thing to talk about in the Christian circle because no one wants to be "that guy" (or girl) - you know...the 'vain one' who cares too much about the 'outside of the cup'

In December 2006, I found myself in this dilemma.........
On one hand, I was fine being the size I was, though, sure I felt that I could lose some weight......I just kept saying to myself "one day"
The war in my mind that went from being "geared up to do something about my weight"
TO
"Well, who cares - It's vain to think that I have to look like this or that"

The WHY ----- AKA the CRUX of the matter ~
That was the battle for 3-4 months.......more than anything because I KNEW without a doubt that the ways I was eating was not at all with the purpose to glorify God. Since as a baptist, we don't believe in transubstantiation......there is NO way that praying for my bacon cheeseburger or french fries was going to turn them into vegetables once they got past my taste buds!!! I felt like a hypocrite praying for God to "bless this food to my body" when I was eating low-nutrition - high fat / sugar foods.

BAM ~
Then, I read the text in Gal 5:22-23 and the last fruit jumped out at me.........
"self control"....the 9th fruit of the Spirit.
Food was on my mind often....as a reward for my doing something well, as a comfort for when I felt sad, as something to do to excite my chubby little heart when I felt bored......passively, controlling me.

The HOW ~

Simple 3 words that I saw come across my screen late one night in December 06'
Decide. Commit. Succeed.

Make a choice and make a plan to choose to be contented, but not stuffed......don't wait for the moments of decision to make the decision. Decide, "at this get together tonight, I will order a chicken breast" so that when you're there you look forward to it.
Then, you won't say, "well, maybe just tonight I'll let myself cheat"
(because - you will cheat every time if you are like me)

Don't take detours and don't excuse yourself from your commitments, let your YES be YES and your NO be NO. This is an integrity issue. Keep your word to yourself and to God in your commitment to what you eat, and what activities you commit to doing.

PRAY for help with the above- Ask the Lord to help you have integrity, ask Him to give you light and a sensitive conscience in this area as you walk into where you're having lunch even.
This is good, since we should be seeking His face always, and only then will we have joy that is not based on things that are passing away.

Set goals for activity levels, NOT for "pounds lost" and don't get on the scale every day.
I did turbo jam, and highly recommend it. You can find the first 5 workouts on ebay.....for
$8-20. I paid $75 back in 06 and it has been worth every penny. The workouts are super fun you can do it in your own home.....and the trainer says the right things at the right time to motivate you......haha, I guess I'm like pavlov's dog....cuz it works for me every time I know that it's COMING Up in the video. haha..

Set goals BASED ON eternal things - not for vain (empty) ambitions.......not to look better, although your husband will be pleased, surely, this is a subordinate end ;)

So now I guess, I'm hoping to connect with other sisters who have this same battle......
I'm determined to drop the last 15 stubborn pounds.......and I'm sort of blogging about it as a means of accountability for myself to not get flippant about it.........
The last few lbs as the first 35 were a bi-end to my seeking to honor the Lord and walk uprightly in things as menial as eating and drinking TO HIS GLORY.

I hope to blog more about this.........the white elephant and I will be eating 1/2 a chipotle burrito for lunch .....perhaps after we get back?
:)

love in Christ,
jen

Dang.......

2008-03-31T12:40:00.000-07:00

You need to watch this video..........Praise the Lord for her fearless faithfulness!

92 and Unafraid

Pascal's thoughts

2008-03-31T11:27:00.000-07:00

My husband and I went for a drive yesterday to Stillwater just to putz around and get some fresh air and exercise. (we're antsy for the nice weather)
To our surprise we spent about 4 hours looking around at antiques and things.......sooo odd....I never thought we'd be the "type" to do that.....and .......enjoy it ?
The best part was this OLD bookstore. They had books from the 1800's....and one that I found in the philosophy section was by Pascal just simply titled "thoughts"

It was the guys journal........and some of the thoughts were hilariously off......but some were reverent and RIGHT ON. Real life experience and scripture = BAM!

(I've enjoyed reading his writings and have most recently been inspired by this post from my friend "me" - it's tremendous)

In the command that Jesus gave to His disciples when they accompanied him to the garden of Gethsemane, Pascal clarified the implication of Christ's command to them.

Matt 12:41
"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation."

Pascal - "one falls into temptation because they pray not"

nuff said
yikes.

His mercies NEW every morning

2008-03-27T07:49:00.000-07:00

How do you get a thankful heart ???
I'm thinking.......by paying attention to all that the Sovereign God orchestrates.

I've noticed that though I love my husband more than anyone........I still struggle in the mornings when we've gone to bed after an argument or misunderstanding EVEN though we've hugged and communicated to each other forgiveness and love.

This morning was one of those mornings. Both he and I have been wrestling with direction regarding our current employment....I drive too far for work and am somewhat unhappy with my current position.......and he has a commerical drivers license and had gotten a ticket over a mistake and he shared this info with his boss about 3 weeks ago......
Since then, we've just been waiting to hear what would come of it.
(commerical DL's you have super strict rules with points, etc for insurance reasons)

Well, within the last 24 hours, we've gone up and down in grace so rapidly you'd think that we were on a roller coaster. Seriously, I need a yak bucket when considering my inconsistent heart.
We went from love and encouragement one minute to impatience with each other at the Library - then home and did our devotional time together and had a blessed conversation about the Lord........then BAM - selfishness and confusion -RIGHT BEFORE we're about to go to sleep!

We were given enough grace to remind each other of the love for the other, but then this morning - I woke up crabby and all confused and have to work through the events of yesterday and make war on my flesh to not be bitter at him.....WHAT THE CRAP !!??

So, God in His mercy this morning brought about some great news that my husband texted me. His job is secure.......but he's still going to finish re-vamping his resume with a view in mind that he would make enough to support both of us so that I could stay home with our children when the comes. (what a man!) By God's grace, I've won the battle this morning.......in seeing the mercy of God to us, in the midst of my struggle.
I have to say though, mercy is not usually SO EVIDENT. Oftentimes, thoughts of how much I don't deserve my next breath will be the only way that I can get focused on Mercy. Oh, the western brain, so full of entitlement. I love Johnny Mac's (MacArthur) comment on a sermon series I have about the Love of God: "the question is what kind of God lets any sinner LIVE??"
This the God we're dealing with here......."the fact that a sinner doesn't get what the sinner deserves, when the sinner deserves it tells us something about the love of God doesn't it?"
Um....more than somewhat.

Anycrux, it's evident that Mercy has been my meditation lately......and the few texts that came to my heart this morning were:

Lam 3:22-26
"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end;
They are new every morning; GREAT is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD."

Matthew 5:7
"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."

Matthew 9:13
"But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.'
For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

God's mercy is new every morning.....and He desires that we would give freely what we've been given. Matthew 10:8 "Freely you have received, Freely give."

"Thorn tips, flesh ripped for the heathen; A purple robe they smacked on him; Psalm 22, the Father turned His Holy back on Him" Selah. ~ Cross Movement

When we cry out for mercy Father, remind us that it is not a gift to be hoarded, but to be given continuously and freely to others, as you renew your mercy every morning with such a people as us. Inconsistent in love, conditional in our forgiveness and pride filled, self seeking and imperfect even in our deeds of love.

In Jesus Name for His Sake ~

J2B

A WARNING about Mercy

2008-03-18T09:34:00.001-07:00

I know.....warning? What?

I'm reading this book lately which is blowing my mind.....my heart has been exposed by God's word both through the book and my husbands devotional time with me.

There are 2 people who come to my mind when I think of my hardest tests of love in which I FAILED miserably........I walked away from both of them......one, a former step-mother. The other a former roommate. Both are pretty much out of my life, but the ending of those relationships looms over my heart like a dark cloud.
"I've forgiven them" I have said. "I just don't care to see them again"
But I hadn't thought about how just saying the words "I forgive you" nor mustering up some moment of NOT feeling ill will towards them is NOT forgiveness.
(when 2 days later if someone were to bring either name up, I'd feel bitterness all over again)

I've been reading about me (sinners)......and there is this 3 word sentence that is plaguing me in all areas of my life. Past and present (in my marriage)

The words are "Suspect Yourself First"

It is the nitty gritty of the battle that rages within. In our minds, we bring someone to court, as the prosecuting attorney, the judge and the jury......and within 30 seconds, we will have all of the evidence examined, and come back with the verdict "guilty" everytime.
For the LONGEST time, I was in denial about my sins against people. Denial and perhaps IGNORANCE that unforgiveness of others is dangerous to my soul.........it got a bit too easy to be quick to point out others failings....especially when it was a sin against me. I wanted them to 'pay' for their wrongs against me via my giving them the silent treatment or a sharp/sarcastic word here and there........or just plain distance......withholding forgiveness was my punishment of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The warnings are from the mouth of the Son of God
Matt 6:14-15
"For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Oh, to take this verse to heart ..............
Now, in marriage, so much makes sense to me. In the past, when there was someone who was "causing me to sin" I would just get away from that person, rather than look within at my own sin. I have been as the wicked servant in the parable: (notice Peter thinks of it as I did....just an external obedience to the law "how many times must I....?" agh......)
I filled my name in, as I sometimes do...to help me feel the weight of the verse, as it is directed to all of us believers - personally, as a warning.

Matt 18:21-34
"Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

"Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, Jennifer was brought to him, and she owed him ten thousand talents. And since she could not pay, her master ordered her to be sold, with her spouse and children and all that she had, and payment to be made.
So the servant fell on her knees, imploring him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.' And out of pity for Jennifer, the master of that servant released her and forgave her the debt. But when that same servant went out, she found one of her fellow servants who owed her a hundred denarii, and seizing them, she began to choke him, saying, 'Pay what you owe.' So her fellow servant fell down and pleaded with her, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' She refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When her fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then her master summoned her and said to her, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger her master delivered her to the jailers, until she should pay all her debt. (ie..Hell) So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart."

Oh, Lord, fix my heart....heal this wickedness that holds onto wrongs.....in a sense holding someone to 'pay what they owe' by not forgiving the wrong done against me.
AS IF I have not been set free from my debt against you.
Help me to see my wickedness and to seek their forgiveness for the wrongs that I deny or dismiss or excuse away in my flesh.
Save my soul from this evil, and all my beloved friends who love your Name as I do.
In Jesus Name,

Jen2

Nowhere to run........

2008-03-05T12:19:00.000-08:00

So...our huge sailing ship is docked here in Costa Rica......even though we´re on land, it feels like the ground is rocking....it´s the most odd feeling ever........well, for Jamie and I....the other passengers......it´s probably meeting two blonde girls who are not at all what they probably assumed...

There are more crew members than passengers....the food is superb.....and being served is very hard as a believer. You just know deep down that you should not be treated so well......as a sinner.

Yep....God has opened the door for the word....awkward as it is....it´s a tremendous blesssing.
Yesterday at breakfast, in an effort to dig for my juice plus in my windstar bag....I took my bible out and set it on the table. THAT seemed to be the HUGE invite for people to come and talk with us about ¨what they believe and don´t believe about God¨
I´m amazed at the pluralism that permeates people EVEN in their 40s and 50s.
So much ¨believe this or that, whatever is ´right´for you¨ crap.
Yak.
Praise the Lord for the grace to meet them in their heresy and gently offer the alternative......black and white OBJECTIVE truth about the I AM who says ¨I AM WHO I AM¨ not I am who you want me to be. One man was broken over the question of all questions and seemed to be searching my face for an answer........He wept as he told us of how his dear friend had passed away at a young age of cancer, leaving a wife and children behind. I was feeling his grief in some way I never have before felt for someone I didn´t know.....I even wanted to hug him as if he was my grandpa......
Instead of potentially weirding him out, I prayed as I set my heart to assure him that God does what he pleases for His glory, and that He feels complex emotions even as he ordains things such as this. Jesus wept over Jerusalem, even though he spoke of how not all Jews would believe because they were not of His sheep. He loves and He is Sovereign. Both.
¨God takes no pleasure in the death of the wicked¨
¨Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His Saints.¨
It may sound as a harsh truth to share in that moment....but Jamie is my witness....God gave me compassion in how I said it - Thanks be to Christ !

During THIS conversation, other people........seemed to be lingering. One of the crew members was a believer.....and came up to us refreshed and excited.....turns out he is the only Christian on the whole crew.......all of the others were either Muslim or Catholic.

Also, we met a tremendous couple who know God´s amazing grace so well that you can SEE it in their eyes as they talk about the Savior. They have been married for 20 years - BOTH were formerly living in the gay lifestyle. (She a lesbian, he was gay)
Their tenderness and compassion for broken sinners was absolutely beautiful. I´ll probably commit a whole post to our dinner with them last night on the ship......OH the Love of our God.....His steadfast love to those who live for Him and love His Son is endless.

After sharing the gospel with a few people that day, the savoring of it myself was increased about 100 fold. I went to the front of the ship....looking for a place to watch the ocean that my God had parted all those years ago.......to just kneel in adoration of His power and love and kindness and mercy.........but there were people everywhere.

It so odd when you share the gospel.....you realize just how wretched you are and how far away from Holy you are.......and you long to get lower before God....for Him to change your wicked heart to feel and act rightly.

It´s only Wednesday.........so far, no persecution....just a bit of awkwardness as the word has spread that we are lovers of Jesus throughout the entire ship - crew and passengers.
Lord willing, Jamie and I will be faithful to His word.....regardless of the outcome.

May the Lord be glorified through us worthless clay pots that are holding this most precious treasure.
Christ crucified. Risen. Reigning. Please pray for us family in the Lord - to see fruit.

Jesus, you are everything to me.
your sheep,
jennifer

QUORUM DEO

2008-02-28T07:50:00.000-08:00

Okay.......so 3 weeks ago, I was blessed with Influenza.......then, just this last weekend, as I was recovered to about 85%, I got sucker punched by the stomach virus (which I lovingly shared with my husband)

I can't remember a time of illness where it was just like a viral machine gun aimed at me........but this morning on my way into work, still a bit queasy.....I was listening to Crossmovement.....and feel as though God has used the illness to re-fix my gaze and refine my heart.
I heard Pastor Sproul preaching the other day on the ministry morning the words "Quorom Deo" which means something to the affect of "the awareness of living the life constantly before the Lord."

That simple hearted desire hit me this morning. I've been hard hearted & defensive, quick to point out circumstances that are 'causing' my hard heart in an effort to stifle my conscience that was pretty seared. You know you're not walking in the light when you are quickly discerning how your spouse should be living and you're not the least bit concerned about your own transgressions before the Lord. Agh.

Praise the Lord - I get some time to focus.......tomorrow afternoon, Lord willing, I leave for Costa Rica with a dear sister in Christ.
10 days away from the cares and concerns and temptation to control (thanks to Eve)
I'm exhausted from that sinful disposition....and I hate it.
Thank God that I have a loving and forgiving husband who doesn't give up on me, but keeps reminding me of the life giving word of God....and how important it is to be meditating on truth.

So, while I'm still adamant in my desire for brothers and sisters in Christ to know and love Jesus for who He really is......KING UNELECTED, and completely Sovereign. (as in, He didn't create the universe and then step back "hoping we'll chose him" but He HIMSELF converts the heart of His sheep that He knew before the foundation of the world)
I have to say that living life in the nitty gritty, day to day - humility in the presence of the Lord.....with a desire to commune with Him in all things -even the mundane.....is of tremendous priority.

Back to the Sovereignty issue.........
I don't want motives to be questioned about my efforts to promote the precious doctrines of grace.........(for those of you who might hear of it, and perhaps who still really dislike the thought that God saves some and leaves others to choose their own demise, because they would never choose Christ if left without grace to believe)
I suggest that when hard times strike....and the tough questions come..........a light and lofty idea of who God is will not work in these circumstances.........and the foundation will be rocked.

In a recent conversation I had with a dear sister who rejects God's Sovereignty over evil in the sense that He ordains evil be FOR GOOD AND HOLY PURPOSES and yet is not the actor of it, so that He cannot contradict His hatred of it. She accepted the doctrine on the level of her human experience, but the thought of God's ordaining evil to be unbiblical.
Which I believe happens with all true believers.....though they might struggle to look ahead at sin and say that God might ordain evil happen to them or through them........it sounds as though a human is blaming God for the evil - but THAT, I would say is blasphemy. The human is still the actor of the wickedness, since they REALLY did choose to do evil rather than good.

The fact that God does not give some humans grace to obey does NOT mean that He is blameworthy for their sin...therefore, arminians need not get "God off the hook" via 'free will' theology.

This sister spoke to me of how she prayed and prayed to honor God in her dealings with unbelievers and of how she failed.....repeatedly.....and I could see her internal battle raging.......how she was beating herself up.
Her conscience bearing witness of her inability to obey God in her "OWN FREE WILL"
Okay, this is a professing believer in Christ Jesus....whom I believe (based on much fruit) to be a true sister in the Lord......especially how her eyes welled up with tears as she spoke of her disappointment in herself to do what she wanted to do to honor God.

Along the lines of my understanding of God's purposes in the universe - in all things.....
I said to her something to the affect of "You know friend, when you pray earnestly for strength to obey, and your hearts desire is bent that way and all that is in you longs to be faithful and you still fail......the Lord is communicating something to you......He's reminding you of the Gospel. That you are incapable of meeting His Holy standard, He is pointing you back to the cross. It is Him. He wants you to cling closer to Christ, to love Him more than ever, and not trust in your own merit.
Since, if you were to have obeyed, God knows that that might not have been what is best for your heart.....perhaps you would (not verbally) but internally boost up your heart in self righteousness and the cross wouldn't be the focal point of your salvation? Who knows but God.
He lets His children fail to obey (go on a skid) with the end in mind that they will run to Him for mercy." BAM - God manifests His Glory in His mercy toward His beloved children.

Her heart seemed to receive the doctrine as it made sense to her in her circumstances......but shortly after that, in a discussion about God's control over evil, the question of all questions "well, are you saying that God ordains the molesting of little children?"
This question is hard because it seems insensitive to answer with sensitivity.....but "yes."
God is not after our temporal joy in having a life here and now free from sin......and if He is after our highest joys....than redemption from sin and forgiveness in light of the Gospel are more the question than the purposes of human wickedness.
Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery.........which ended up being means of the preservation of Israel. Gen 50:20 "As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today."

God ordains evil.......for the ultimate good.....
The word "meant" in greek means "purpose, end, goal"
God is not responsible for our sin, we are....Human responsibility is a true doctrine.
God is the giver of the ability to obey....again, a true doctrine.

I choose to live with the beautiful tension of these truths......it's not either/or it's both/and -
And let me tell you - going to bed at night - I sleep like a Calvinist. :)

I love conversations about this very controversial topic.........

Wellp.....up out for now......and perhaps the next 10 days. Heh....not sure that I'll have Internet in Costa Rica.

Love in Christ,
jen2

Sickness and the Sovereignty of God

2008-02-13T11:00:00.000-08:00

Psalm 41:1-4
"How blessed is he who considers the helpless;
The LORD will deliver him in a day of trouble.
The LORD will protect him and keep him alive,
And he shall be called blessed upon the earth;
And not give him over to the desire of his enemies.
The LORD will sustain him upon his sickbed;
In his illness, You restore him to health.

As for me, I said, "O LORD, be gracious to me;
Heal my soul, for I have sinned against You."

Being sick but perhaps once a year isn't enough...it's good for the soul if you let it slow you down.
In the midst of my wrestlings, I haven't found the time to just be still.........whether it is myself keeping myself busy with my 'to-do list' or doing what others expect of me.....
It is a blessed thing to land on your face with illness......since that is the right frame and posture of one desperately sick with sin, you are enabled to seek the physican of your soul without any distraction.
You can't work because people at work don't want to catch what you're throwin,
You can't go out and have 'fun' cuz.....um...it hurts to breathe cold air when your throat hurts - You have to cancel plans with friends.......and let chores wait.
Nothing tastes as good, nothing smells as good, feels as good - and the cares of this life that matter SO MUCH when you're well.......just don't matter at all.

IT IS A BLESSING......and perhaps a discipline....
If I'm reading the verse above correctly.
To the ones who regard the helpless, God promises to do and be for them all of those powerful things: to deliver him in the day of trouble, to protect him and keep him alive, to NOT give him over to the desires of his enemies (the greatest enemy of believers is not human, it's Satan)
To sustain him on his sickbed and to restore him to health.

The psalmist speaks all of those things of God's character so affirmatively, and then says, "As for me, I need grace, for I have sinned against you, please heal me"
which I would naturally think means that the psalmist didn't regard the helpless, and is asking for forgiveness and grace and mercy in spite of their failures to do what pleases the Father.
It is a plea to God.....and one would have to know the Father's character and trust His lovingkindness to even dare to approach when they have disobeyed the commands.

By Christ we come Lord, and we know that you shall not turn us away, and that you love us for the sake of Your Name - our only Hope.

Heading to my couch soon Lord willing,
Jen2

Though a wife, I'm still a sheep.

2008-02-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

Ez 34:1-24
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy, and say to them, even to the shepherds, Thus says the Lord GOD: Ah, shepherds of Israel who have been feeding yourselves! Should not shepherds feed the sheep? You eat the fat, you clothe yourselves with the wool, you slaughter the fat ones, but you do not feed the sheep. The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them. So they were scattered, because there was no shepherd, and they became food for all the wild beasts. My sheep were scattered; they wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. My sheep were scattered over all the face of the earth, with none to search or seek for them.
"Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: As I live, declares the Lord GOD, surely because my sheep have become a prey, and my sheep have become food for all the wild beasts, since there was no shepherd, and because my shepherds have not searched for my sheep, but the shepherds have fed themselves, and have not fed my sheep, therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the LORD: Thus says the Lord GOD, Behold, I am against the shepherds, and I will require my sheep at their hand and put a stop to their feeding the sheep. No longer shall the shepherds feed themselves. I will rescue my sheep from their mouths, that they may not be food for them.
The Lord GOD Will Seek Them Out "For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness. And I will bring them out from the peoples and gather them from the countries, and will bring them into their own land. And I will feed them on the mountains of Israel, by the ravines, and in all the inhabited places of the country. I will feed them with good pasture, and on the mountain heights of Israel shall be their grazing land. There they shall lie down in good grazing land, and on rich pasture they shall feed on the mountains of Israel. I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord GOD. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice.
"As for you, my flock, thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I judge between sheep and sheep, between rams and male goats. Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture, that you must tread down with your feet the rest of your pasture; and to drink of clear water, that you must muddy the rest of the water with your feet? And must my sheep eat what you have trodden with your feet, and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
"Therefore, thus says the Lord GOD to them: Behold, I, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. Because you push with side and shoulder, and thrust at all the weak with your horns, till you have scattered them abroad, I will rescue my flock; they shall no longer be a prey. And I will judge between sheep and sheep. And I will set up over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he shall feed them: he shall feed them and be their shepherd. And I, the LORD, will be their God, and my servant David shall be prince among them. I am the LORD; I have spoken."

What a precious, beautiful picture. ~~~~~~~~~

I've always loved being a sheep......and yes, I know that they are foolish animals. I just love the thought of being a sheep with a big smile on my face skipping and singing as I follow behind Jesus....just knowing that I am safe and loved. He is patient with me beyond human capacity......always seeking me when I run, even in my running away because I'm hurting over not feeling worthy enough to be following Him with all the other sheep. Sure, it's sin....to have a pity party I mean.....but He always comes and scoops up my stupid broken little heart and tells me that all is NOT lost and that He will put the pieces back together with me. He helps me sort through it, how ever long it takes, all the while, gently convicting me by His steadfast love.
His love for his sheep has a power that breaks through the hardest of hearts when it is seen and known in the perseverence - it's magnitude is unspeakable.

Perhaps the trials that I'm finding myself in lately, in which I've found no comfort nor compassion from beloved brothers and sisters, but only somewhat harsh and open rubuke.....is meant to bombard my heart to change how I myself meet with a broken hearted sinner.
Surely, someone who is broken and struggling with something does not need to be smacked upside the head with the LAW and told that even their struggle with sin is sin, but to be reminded of the tenderness and supernatural love of the Good Shepherd....
Praise God that there is forgiveness for the failures of men and that I know that the Lord is Sovereign even over the lack of compassion and help and comfort given............and that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt - that He is using this grief to mold MY heart - to get me desperate for Him alone, who perfectly loves.
After all, I've begged the Lord SO many times for Him to shape me into a loving and compassionate friend, wife and especially - a mother. (one day)
My own mother was an unbeliever, harsh and unfeeling and never comforted me when I was crying........(Her mother was the same with her).........and my plea to God has been that I would break this cycle for the next generation, and love and lead and nurture my children, telling them the truth, and grieving with them, and most of all - demonstrating the kind of love that Christ has shown to me. It seems that I'm feeling what I desire to prevent, without this experience, I don't think that I would know how NOT to approach a broken hearted sinner.

Knowing when and how to speak truth is just as important as being bold enough to speak truth. This is a huge theme in Proverbs, and anyone who knows me, knows that oftentimes I've been so black and white about a sin issue and pressed down on that without so much as a thought to weep with those who weep. This trial is a precious gift from God.
To my dearest friends who have suffered through my lack of compassion when you needed it most, I am so terribly sorry.

Praise the Lord for the trials we meet with, they are an answer to the prayer of Jesus, that we would be sanctified.

Love from the repair shop,
Jennifer

Confessions

2008-01-31T15:31:00.001-08:00

Okay, I'm not about to blog my deepest darkest sins on the internet.....but I will confess that I've found the ways of the world are still so deeply embedded in my flesh that to rid myself of them.....would leave me in a pile of scrappy skin and bones.

My heart is motivated more by the desires of the flesh sometimes rather than a heartfelt pursuit of pleasing the Lord.

ie....I love to excercise when I think about how good I will feel with more muscle in my body......

"oh, THEN" I say "I will be able to focus more on the Lord, when I have more energy."

OR - my incessant list making......sure, being an organized wife will be a blessing to my husband....but when was the last time I rose early to get chores done so that my evening could be spent reading the scriptures - so instead of being in God's presence as my motive......my desire to feel like I've accomplished much (though ignored the word) is my 'goal'

I miss Him.

"He who gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is He whose trust is in the Lord."

No need to tell Him 'hi' for me....I'm going to pay a visit tonight. :)

Press on for the prize friends ~

up out,

jen

2008-01-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

Question my salvation ? YES
If FEAR is the beginning of wisdom.....

What do we say about the light and breezy services happening at so many churches.
Yes, I'm still a bit perturbed about Osteen, and others like him who think that the Gospel is some self-esteem "have heaven now" garbage....but over and above that even.

Wrestling MUCH when I was first saved in 2000 - over this "fear of the Lord" I went around asking people what they thought that it meant. MOST people said "reverence" or "awe of God" with a smile on their face and a pretended profoundness. Okay well, I was a baby Christian asking other baby Christians what it means to "fear Him who can cast soul and body into Hell"
When we had just had the wrath removed from our heads - it really didn't make sense that a believer should fear the God their Father..........none of us could grasp this concept it seemed.

Well, in March of 2005....I found myself paralyzed after a sermon called "The present effects at trembling at the wrath of God." http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2005/

I sat in the pew for about an hour that night after he finished speaking.........in shock that I feared the one whom I love and pray to......and the fear was mingled with joy to be on this side of his wrath.......comforted also, by the words of my pastor :
"I said a few moments ago, If you know God for who he really is in the greatness of his holiness and justice and wrath and grace, you will tremble in his presence. And this is not something you will grow out of. In fact the immature must grow into it."

Three facets of knowledge have contributed to produce joyful fear and trembling in my life and the lives of many dear brothers and sisters that I know and love.

* The more we know truly- what we deserve, due to our inability forsake sin without the grace of God and to do righteousness

* The more we know GOD himself, His CHARACTER and HOLINESS.......that we've sinned against the one who deserves infinitely and absolutely, our obedience and loyalty and love, the more we realize how much we deserve hell.

* The more we understand the WAYS of God and the foreshadows He has given to show us that the cross was where He was headed throughout the entire course of history.....the more we understand the IMMENSENESS of the meaning and reasons and precious beauty of Calvary.

Sidenote:
I HIGHLY recommend checking out the YouTube posted on this blog called
"ARE YOU SAVED?"-
http://denyyourselfdaily.blogspot.com/

Every believer should examine themselves........regularly.
RC Sproul said yesterday on the radio broadcast, reiterating the command to "make our calling and election sure"
That many will say "LORD, LORD" to Jesus.......implying a personal relationship with him......just as there are some people who walk around after a one time meeting a celebrity and act as though they are intimate friends with them. So also, many professors of Christianity have 'met' Jesus and think that on judgement day simply saying "Jesus died for my sins" is some sort of password that will remove the wrath of God and excuse them of the wicked and lukewarm life they lived here on earth.

Press on to know and love and fear the Lord our God......

"Listen to the way the Bible says it so paradoxically, and yet, all true saints know what these words mean.
Psalm 2:11, “Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling.”
This fear is shot through with joy.
Isaiah 11:3, “And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord.”
This fear is full of delight.
Nehemiah 1:11, “O Lord, let your ear be attentive to the prayer . . . of your servants who delight to fear your name.”
This fear is what the saints delight to experience."

We thank God for your ministry of His word Pastor Piper.
In Christ Jesus by His merciful doing,
Jen2

2008-01-15T09:15:00.000-08:00

Proverbs 11:25
"The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed."

Man, Solomon was wise.......(by God's granting his prayer for it. :)
It is so true that when you share truth with a brother or sister in the Lord to encourage and refresh them - God blesses YOU with what comes out of your mouth........so oddly phenomenal !

The tongue being a powerful thing......can do damage as well.........much.........
Which leads me to my second ramble..........Um.....Joel Osteen. Sigh.......surely a bit ignorant, and thus, why is he deemed "America's Pastor" ???????

I almost had to yak as I listened Joel being interviewed on his thoughts about the Rep. candidate for the presidency - Romney. Stating that "Romney says that Jesus is his lord and I would say that yes, he is a Christian" (check it out for yourself at http://www.equip.org/ Jan 14th broadcast of Hank Hannagraff)

So on my little pink blog, I plead - Pastor Osteen, brother - you are accountable to God - more than a lay person for what you say......you have a responsibility to your flock and to all of the vulnerable people fumbling around in the dark who watch your television 'evangelism' - TO KNOW SOLID DOCTRINE.
I'm not saying Joel isn't a believer, but I'd say that he's playing with fire. Bad doctrine hurts people. And I'm just a 7 year old believer and even I know that Mormons / Latter day saints - ARE not Christians.
They have a different Jesus..........period.

So, then I got to thinking.................we've got a racial supremecist (could be just a rumor) an unbelieving woman, and a mormon in the running for the presidency....it's looking like THE true Christ is preparing our country for the final judgement. I don't pretend to know the day or the hour.......only fools do that.
But when you consider the sins of our country.......murdering babies as the wicked countries that were judged by God previously.......the homosexuality AND the heterosexual immorality and sensuality......greed......despising authority..........heartlessness, foolishness......false religions and 'new age' thoughts.......coming from "PROFESSING" believers !
Our country is a smoke in God's nose....................I'm ashamed of what we've become..........the USA. We have so many precious freedoms........gifts of God........democracy, local fire depts and police - hospitals with excellent technology and physicians with wisdom from God......food abounds........heat in the winter, air conditioning in the summer..........oh, the time is drawing near.

To any who do not know this Jesus, I recommend that you prepare for the day of reckoning - it's coming. Forget the world, and everything in it, it's all going to perish.......as will all who do not repent. It is SHEER mercy that there IS STILL TIME TO REPENT......

"The spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the Gospel to the poor, sent me to heal the broken hearted. Bring freedom to the captive, sight to the blind, break the chains of the oppressed - for this is the YEAR OF THE LORD.
First time he came - we ripped his beard and beat his back up
Next time he comes - he'll have a flaming sword with eyes on fire!
First time he came - we pierced his hands and feet and hung him up -
But the next time he comes - he'll be on a white horse and I'LL BE WITH HIM !"
~ lyrics by Disciple, inspired by God's Holy Word. Praise the Lord!

In the Lord - brothers and sisters - we need to keep our gaze upward.......so that we don't turn to the right or the left.....but hope in GOD who is mighty to save those who cast themselves on mercy ONLY through what Jesus has accomplished. For "He himself bore our sins in His body on a tree."

Burdened, lightly - thanks be to Christ,
jen2

2008-01-02T15:07:00.000-08:00

Lessons of the law

Is it just me or are traffic tickets encouraging ?

It's not that some other round-head wasn't speeding right past you doing at least 10 miles over your speed - and that HE SHOULD HAVE been the one who got the ticket....it's much more like.......well, I was speeding too.....and......it really doesn't matter what 'dude' was doing...I know I'M guilty........and whew.....I'M getting disciplined for it.

It's a matter of God's amazing kindness in his Sovereignty and Fatherhood.......I guess the shepherd analogy works here too.....I remember my pastor saying something that stayed with me - that back in the day - if a shepherd had one sheep that just kept running away....he'd break it's leg to keep it from being able to run. He'd cause PAIN in it's life to keep it ultimately safe....close to himself where no wolves would dare try to snatch that precious little sheep, stupid though he be.

But when God disciplines*........He ONLY disciplines His OWN children (Prov 3:12) so that "we will not be condemned along with the world" 1 Cor 11:32
WHAT A sorrowful joyful thing it is to be chastised by our Father.....it is surely one way to know that we are His own. Deep down, we do not want to displease Him......and he will smack our back side until we GET IT......that something we're doing wrong we are not examining closely enough....not taking into account the Name we're dragging through the mud.
All the while our Father is saying "THIS. HERE. This area I need you to take heed to change, and regard my Name as HOLY in this area of your life that has not yet been brought under submission."

Think of the bum deal it is for those who go their whole lives in blissful sin and consequence free debauchery and never know the firm hand of Fatherly love.

This is how we rejoice in the trial of being disciplined. Though we were in the wrong, He does not forsake us. He will not tell us that what we did was okay, but He will say "I love you too much not to use the rod. You are mine, and I want you to be Holy."

To know the Father's character is better than life.........
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
Is 26:3

"When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply.
The flames shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

* I believe discipline and punishment are different......though I have NO scripture to back that up yet. :) Punishment is final is seems and discipline is for those whom God wishes not to punish for eternity. This is totally a random slice....and I'll need to look at my concordance.
brb....in 3 days er so

2007-12-31T10:54:00.001-08:00

Not So Easily Encouraged ~ Yet I am today!!!

Hey hey......I wish that I had more circumstances to speak of that are truly inspiring. But I guess it's probably the mediocrity that we've all settled for that makes Christianity so hum drum and as if heaven and hell aren't at stake in everything we do.
That, or perhaps the fact that people are quiet about what the Lord has been up to in their lives.......so the things I can't see...I don't hear about either.....

Anycrux,
All that just to say how amazingly encouraged I have been by a dear sister from the Rock lately.......Seeing the hope there was for her in obeying the Lord (by obeying your husband) and trusting her Father in Heaven to provide for them and for her if she would obey -
THEN it seemed that the joy she had was magnified because of the trust that was there all along. I long to obey my God as she does in this area.......For Christ's Name and for my husband's good. She didn't submit begrudgingly........but trusted the Lord with expectation, knowing that her Father knows all her needs :)
ROCK ON !
AGH - I can't tell you how what a blessing that was my dear friend.
Thanks AT....I love you and I thank God for your example of faith and love.
May the Lord bless you even more with grace to obey and joy in seeing Him fulfill his promises to those who do.

In Christ Jesus,
JenB

2007-12-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

2 Timothy 2:19
But God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: "The Lord knows those who are his," and, "Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity."

2007-12-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

Matt 1:21
"And you shall call His name Jesus, for He shall save his people from their sins."

One of my most favorite texts in the scripture.
(Second favorite is Song of Solomon 1:16 "Our couch is green.")

In all seriousness though......as we savor Christmas.....the incarnation with the end being that we may enter the presence of Almighty God.....
We should look at each other (those who know Him who was and is and is to come) and be refreshed and amazed that we have been redeemed.......
Micah 7:18
"Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love."

May the Lord renew our hearts to pass over the transgressions of those who have hurt us that we might delight with our Father in steadfast love, since while we were yet enemies - Christ died for us.

Your Saints adore you O Christ, our King, our High Priest and Prophet.
You are the temple where we worship, our Sabbath rest, and through you, the sacrifice by which God deems our filthy "good deeds" acceptable in his sight.......

Unto us has been born - the Savior of the world !!

love,
a sheep.

2007-12-18T05:23:00.000-08:00

God's Poem written by my loving husband Brent.
Knowing how edifying this was for me, I asked Brent if I could post it on my blog. (He hesitantly agreed)
May the Lord encourage your heart as he did mine - with a view of gospel love in marriage.
The Lord (and Brent) knew that I was beginning to realize that everything natural in me needs to be crucified as I un-learn our culture's ways and low view of marriage.......and that I was absolutely desperate for Christ's help.

"My wife so gently graven, your name written…saven…
On divine's own incarnate breast you lie,
As the old bows down and learns to die. Rest awaits your swollen heart to a promise…
grace imparts -
Arms widely stretched, bleeding hands - shows to all, what love commands."

Strengthened in my weakness,
JenB

2007-12-11T07:18:00.000-08:00

Blessed Reminder of the Faithfulness of Our Great God:
If we're saved - the hard road is not a joyless road

Yep, I'm a hedonist....I believe that pursuing joy in God is commanded; That it is the reason for obedience and the only way to obey him truly.....(is if you do what is commanded with joy and not murmuring)....as are other emotions such as gratitude and hope and grief (over sin)

But if and when all of the commands in the scriptures - HIT you with the force that they were intended to. It is a terrifying thing.

Lately, even though Brent has been given so much amazing grace as he has begun to lead me........and love me......for some reason, God's demand for my submission to him has become so real and has left me paralyzed for the last few days.
I met with my mentor last night (Praise the LORD for her....she does not let me get away with anything, but is so sweet and gentle - continually saying to me, "but Jennifer, what does the word say?")

I have to admit that I went home discouraged somewhat.....the only reason being fear.
Fear that what if I submit and am walked all over and taken for granted and my thoughts and heart are cast off to the side....then what?
Well, thanks to Ann's teaching....reminding me that those emotions are not based on God's truth but the world......and the world is living out the curse that started in the garden.

Women dominate most of the relationships in our world. You can see it all over television. Weak men who are arrogant and lazy and women who wear the pants in the family, make the decisions and belittle their husbands.

I haven't fully gripped the "how" to submit in the sense of doing it whole heartedly - with joyful dependence and trust in the God of my husband who is his head......but I do know that Christ died to free us from the curse, by becoming the curse for us. So now, I am able to live out what is commanded, because I am not bound as a slave to my flesh.
The crux is that even though my heart agrees fully with God's law and commands of me in this area.....I was still a bit rattled and worried about my own ability to tear my household down with my mouth. I want my husband to become all that God has designed him to be.....a bold and loving leader. Lionhearted and Lamblike. (pastor Piper definition)

So in my desperation.....I prayed last night.

Waking in the morning to God's blessing - my husband text me this morning with the sweetest poem. It was like a fresh spring of water that refreshed my heart and made me realize that he doesn't have to love me just as I don't have to submit to him. It is by faith that we obey the Lord in the marriage arena.......and surely we hope that the other one will seek Christ's strength.
I'm guessing that my sweet submission will bless him just as tremendously as his loving and very well thought out words have me this morning.
Surely the poem was written by God and presented through my wonderful husband as an answer to my prayer for help in submission last night.

Anyhow...I've got much reading and praying ahead of me yet......and God has promised to be faithful to help me for His name's sake.

Still blessed and amazed.
JenB

2007-12-04T08:51:00.000-08:00

The Law and the Gospel

The court system in Minnesota is very interesting -
Being called for jury duty last week was a very worthwhile experience......one of those things that you learn in a text book, but to really know how it works - you need to experience it.

I had plenty of time to think (if you've ever been summoned - you know what I mean)
The ways of our nation are a tremendous blessing since they follow closely the text of the Old Testament. (The facts that witnesses are crucial, and breaking the law is a serious matter and the burden of proof rests on the accusers - make our justice system so great)

I sat on the jury for a gentleman accused of assault and disorderly conduct.
I can't tell you how weird it was to transition from being in a position where my opinions DON'T matter whatsoever, to a place where I am accountable to judge circumstance, and essentially a person's innocence or guiltiness. The weight that that carried hit me like a ton of bricks.
I mean, God is omnipotent, he knows everything, every secret motive, every private conversation as well as the actions - he perceives them exactly as they are in truth - He is truth.

But me, even saved - I'm still a fallible, sinful fallen human to be set to judge something based on the minimal amount of information given and with the testimony of fallible fallen, sinful humans.....this is a very sobering thing.

In the end I would not yield to what I was convinced of by the evidence.....that we didn't have enough to convict the defendant of assault. In the process....the other 5 jurors and I bonded a bit, and after the verdict was read, we were sent back to the jury pool - (the assembly room) and sat together at a small table.
God gave much grace that day.......I shared how the law, the hennepin county court system and judges are as God Almighty....except that He is Holy and all his judgments are just and that no one will escape punishment but by someone else paying their debt. We're debtors to wrath.
No good that any defendant would plead would excuse them in court. Period.
How muslims do not get this is beyond me. God would be UNRIGHTEOUS to just let sinners go. A hennepin county judge wouldn't ever even do that!!!

Anycrux, it was a tremendous blessing for my own soul to be reminded of the reality of why Christ was born - He was born to ransom us from the wrath of God.

"Hereby perceive we the love of God, because He laid down His life for us."
1 John 3:16

2007-11-23T09:07:00.000-08:00

How do we convince ourselves and others -
that the gospel is not about SELF ESTEEM ??

So, yesterday I found myself being challenged to submit to the Lord through the most simple things that Brent asked me to do.......Oh, sure I did what he asked me to, but not without making it known that I was not happy about it.
Thank God for grace that he has extended to me through my loving husband......but after forgiveness, HOW am I supposed to overcome such a stubborn disposition??

Any texts that come to your mind??......please post :)
Any challenges that you women have faced and by God's grace were able to overcome - to be meek and gentle AND joyful in their submission to authority would be a great blessing.

Listening to a sermon today on "submitting to one another in marriage" was helpful somewhat......knowing that submitting is what Christ Jesus did for us.....he 'got under us to lift us up to God' - demonstrated by his prayer in Gethsemane that he would not have to drink of the cup of wrath, but that he would if it be God's will......that he would do and suffer what was required to save His beloved bride. Also demonstrated in his getting on the ground to wash the dirty stinky feet of sinful humans (his disciples) to show us what real leadership looks like.
I get it - that it takes a strong and intelligent and self controlled woman to submit - it is NOT easy to go against the flesh.....but by the Grace of God.

Can't get this song out of my heart these last few days -

"So I come into your chambers, and I dance at your feet Lord.
You are my Savior, and I'm at your mercy.
All that has been in my life up till now.....
Belongs to you. You are still Holy."

Starting now, God give us meekness that is bold enough to love as you have.
Cast out fear and strengthen our hearts in the Joy of fellowship with you Father.

love,
your sheep.

2007-11-21T12:05:00.000-08:00

The Unpredictable God ...... WHO NEVER CHANGES

God is the same yesterday today and forever, and yet His ways with His children are so incredibly different that it's a wonder to think about how he fashions our lives so that we grasp the fact that relationship to Him is unique, though He is the Father of all of the adopted in Christ.

Some people meet their spouse and both know it within a week, and with honor they proceed into engagement within 3-6 months and get married with all the bliss and happiness of a fairytale.....even their first years are not as horrid as some other marrieds have warned against.........

Others date for their 1 year, check it off their list and proceed as sweetly as a nostalgic Kenney Chesney song.

Just reflecting today on how "not like that" the road has been for Brent and I-
4 years of heart turmoil and sorrow.......the off and on again of God's keeping Brent in my life, even moving us to the same church without the other's knowledge - and the entire time He was teaching me to love the person I love the MOST in this life, LESS than Christ.
He has mercifully crucified my affections for Brent.......my heart had never been so broken and so strong as it was on Feb 18th 2007 http://jendaas.blogspot.com/2007/02/state-of-peaceful-closure.html
But unbeknownst to me - the Lord was fashioning Brent to be my husband, and he returned for me just 3 months later. 2007 was the worst - and best - year of my life.

It's all coming together ~
The most plainly seen of all of the reasons for God's putting our relationship through the fire as He did - seems to be so that we would not seek our ultimate joy and satisfaction from each other. My heart is still in need of more understanding in this.....but I've let go of much of the grasping for life-giving hope from a temporal source, even my own husband.
Something in my heart is surrendering just today.......as I read the text in Luke 8 - the parable of the seeds. I don't want the seed to be choked out by the cares of this life.........and no matter how many years we are in the faith, this could include us....

ramblings -
jenB

2007-11-19T09:25:00.000-08:00

True Believers - Never settle..........

If our merciful God has given us life and breath and all of the comforts we have in America in addition to salvation........why do we still compromise in day to day life? Between my often getting peeved while driving to hearing foul talk and dirty jokes come from professing believers ----- it all just makes me shudder.

A great sermon this past Sunday on 'regeneration' and how flippantly the word is used
(together with the term "born again")
Our pastor brought statistics to the pulpit this weekend - to debunk them essentially......

The Barna group says that 45% of Americans are "born again" pffftt
Meaning that they at some point in their live "made a commitment to Christ and it still matters to them today" and etc.
Supposedly the stats among this people group state that 'born again believers' have the same amount of divorces, the same amount of teens losing their virginity and etc.

This, my pastor says is completely the opposite of how the new testament speaks of "born again converted peoples" and how they live. It's not that there are regenerate people who live in constant patterns of sin....but that there are false believers among the real believers - and it warns us about the wolves. But believers who have been given new hearts ought to be set apart- radically different. Sacrificially sticking with their marriage vows by putting to death selfishness........not spending money on more and more comforts than are necessary for living day to day - but giving away their money and time and lives to seeking to love the lost as much as they listen to the Christian radio / sermons/ CD that encourage them to stop listening and start acting.
IT MATTERS that we bear the name of Christ. In all we say and do.

1 John 2:9
"Whoever says he is in the light and hates his brother is still in darkness. Whoever loves his brother abides in the light, and in him there is no cause for stumbling. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes."

1 John 3:4
"Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.
You know that he appeared to take away sins, and in him there is no sin. No one who abides in him keeps on sinning; no one who keeps on sinning has either seen him or known him. Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning.
The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.
No one born of God makes a practice of sinning, for God’s seed abides in him, and he cannot keep on sinning because he has been born of God.
By this it is evident who are the children of God, and who are the children of the devil: whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is the one who does not love his brother."

To not fall into perfectionism, our pastor will surely be speaking of how believers aren't perfect, but that their bent is toward holiness, they hate their sin, not seeing small sins as small but as INFINITELY worthy of hell because of the ONE sinned against.

God has given us every reason to obey him cheerfully - and we fail to trust Him....to walk in his ways for the joy set before us - in Heaven with Him

This rant is just from mine and my husband's meditations on where the rubber is going to meet the road in our faith and marriage and as a ministry couple. We have been restless...discontent with merely living a 'moral' life........and the sermon shook us up even more.
Tired of just doing the minimum integrity things.......even listening to music and watching movies that aren't 'sinful' but don't push us toward Christ - but leave the heart void and thirsty.

Brent had great opportunity to ride along with our dear brother James (North minneapolis missionary) in his neighborhood - sharing "words from the Lord" (scriptures)
with prostitues and their pimps this past weekend. By God's grace Brent's heart has been changing toward the broken and hurting people......seeing them receive the tract and the verse, dropping their heads, seemingly in shame for what they were doing......has a way of breaking your heart, if you have the Holy Spirit bending your heart so that your affections line up with Christ's.

Leaves the heart wanting more.......more love, more joy more passion for Christ.........

To the best Shepherd who is Himself a Lamb ~
Humble us so that you can Teach us so that you will be Well pleased with us Father ~
In love with you still,
your daughter

2007-10-30T07:12:00.000-07:00

3 days and counting........................

There is an unsettled feeling about committing the rest of your life in faithfulness to a human being - when you don't know the future.......
But OH - is it amazing to watch the Lord change your heart.....and to truly know the perfect love that casts out fear.
"Fear not, I am with you, oh, be not dismayed for I am your God and will still give you aid.
I will strengthen you, help you and cause you to stand, upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand."

In Christ Alone my hope is found.........and Brent is a great blessing in my life to conform me to my Savior.
sigh.
Random, I know.

2007-10-16T10:06:00.001-07:00

IN Response to : Opinion Exchange, published in the Star Tribune Oct 15, 2007

I write much on my blog……..hardly about politics nor ‘rights’ to this or that (religion and state) but I wonder if you have to be hard core liberal to have an opinion worth printing in our city paper…..before ever attempting that....I thought I’d write on my blog first.

Specifically I’m responding to the articles from Monday Oct 15th.
Constantly - I see people raging against our leadership – democrats and republicans alike.
The ‘cry’ of so many people (some in my own family) is to “end the war” and that “war doesn’t solve anything” blah blah rotten blah.

Ignorance and arrogance go completely hand in hand typically and this opinion is no exception
and sadly - it is rampant.
I’m near ill whenever I see the rebellion against the leadership of our nation.
Do they not know that a city divided against itself is sure to fall???

I have to say that no matter who gets elected, we as Americans (especially believers in a God who puts leaders in place -Romans 13:1) need to trust that they will be doing what is best with the information that they have…..as in – PRIVILEGED information.
It’s funny to me how we are on a 'need to know basis', and for our security, we know very little……and the freedom of speech, being taken WAY too far by people who have a lack of understanding, not to mention NO respect for authority, has people bold enough to try to tell the president how to do this or thus....when all the while he knows far more than we do about our national security. Protesting by pouring their own blood on themselves and the flag to prove some point about hating war?

The truth is, that there ARE many muslims living among us (as mentioned in a tasteless way by a man whom I will not name in the same paper)
While we do know that we are to love all people.....absolutely....we cannot be ignorant for the sake of not making waves. As I've been learning little by little.......being made more aware of what their religion teaches through bios of former hard core muslims.....makes me trust our actions in the mid-east and our president's decisions more every day.

While the president stated that all religions are the "same" and I was disappointed.......
I do remember that he is leading a nation that is trying to pursue racial harmony and demolish discrimination against any people group, has a tremendously sensitive duty laid upon himself to pursue a certain religiously / ethnically affiliated group of people who are dead set on turning us to Islam OR wiping us off the face of the earth.
They are not obligated under their religion to tell you us the truth.
They are allowed to deny their faith in their god (it is not a sin in their religion) if it will save their necks. The Qu'ran DOES tell them that we, the "people of the book" are not to be taken as friends. I'm still reading their book, and can't tell you how haunting it is that 1/2 of the book is about their god, and half of it is about how to be/what to do around the Jews and Christians.
Guard your heart against hate with all your might, but let us not be foolish in our understanding of what sort of war this really is. I know so very little, and the little I know causes me to tremble at what may come in the next days/years.

In the meantime, as the sinfilled agendas are being pushed by a small group of liberals who claim their being discriminated against because what they deem as marriage is 'not so from the beginning' - let us remember and act ~

"All that needs to be done for evil to prevail is that good men do nothing"
~ Luther

I can't let my life be wasted......and am thinking of getting politically involved.....in little ways first. Anyone in Mpls involved....please post ideas of how to be engaged in our communities.
I know of a few ways:

The Susan G Komen Breast Cancer fund ? Yeah, might want to look into that before donating.
When last I investigated (couple years ago, prior to being a part of the 3 day) they were giving 50% of their proceeds to Planned Parenthood.
So........."save lives" on one hand and "kill babies" on the other. Truly not letting their right hand know what their left hand is doing.

FORD - ack....just go to the AFA website. If they continue in their pro-homosexual agenda, they will be closing plants left and right. Continue to boycott until they remove their support of the numerous gay activist groups and events. Neutral is better than being FOR wickedness.

And though my opinions come across as strong......because well, I'm opinionated.
Without love for the human beings that are held captive by sin, I am noisy gong or a clanging symbol. Suffer reproach for Christ - but whatever we do, let us not be lukewarm.

All sing to the only acceptable offering - all things reconciled by his death on the cross
To Christ be the glory and loyalty of His church.

Heartily,
Jen 2

2007-10-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I've realized that this blog has turned out to be a cyber diary......that's got to quit......because it's annoying when people think that their life is so important that people actually care to read every little detail.

It'll be about a month before I'll have 2 minutes to think about anything besides wedding plans.......so in the meantime, I'll just read all of your blogs :)

See you in a few ~ er whatever.

Jen 2

2007-09-21T15:17:00.000-07:00

Meditations of a Christian Hedonist Bride to be ~

Happy as a clam today, filled with joy in thinking on the goodness of God in the picture of Christ and His church in marriage. The parallels make my little heart feel the weight of what I'm heading into.
Driving down the road running work errands and attending closings, I was listening to one of my favorite bands Barlow Girl.........and my desire to be with Jesus, the Great Bridegroom, just flooded my heart. The song "I love you" by BG made me think of Brent and Jesus.....and how I get to rehearse Jesus' coming back for me - in my vows to Brent.

"I love you. My heart is yours, all yours.
I long to give you all of me, my everything."

We long to give and be given in marriage........it is a tremendous desire of the human soul....to be united to our beloved. (even single, wondering who that might be......the desire is there and it's God-given........"as the deer pants for the water, so my soul pants for you oh God".....and if we could just direct our longings God-ward........oh, we'd be satisfied....why I didn't understand that a year and a half ago......no idea)

As I sent out the invitations, I was just thinking about how we are given the great commission to invite others to the "Wedding feast of the Lamb" and those who are invited are blessed.
Many will be busy and rsvp regrets.... saying the journey is too far, or they have work to tend to or this or that. (please don't think that I'm ripping on those who can't make it.....I'm not, and that's not what I'm getting at here)

Then thinking about why I am wearing a veil......(again) That now, we see in a mirror dimly, but then, face to face. We will know as we are fully known....and we shall see Jesus as He is.

Then in thinking about how we women long to be desired by our husbands.....we care that he finds us beautiful, ravishing even.....and so we workout and eat well and do all that we can so that he will be pleased to look at us.
Well, God says in 1 Peter 3:3-5
"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening."

My new thought on that is......do I LONG and work at being beautiful and ravishing to my eternally betrothed - my precious Jesus? OH for Him to find my heart absolutely beautiful - that He would wash my heart with His word to make me beautified by Grace!!!
I want Jesus to desire my heart...I want my bridegroom to rejoice over me......both of them.
And so, the temporary (physical) and the eternal (soul) need tending to.
Lord give me grace to workout and to hide His word in my heart that I might cease to sin more day by day.

Lord, prepare me, to be a sanctuary, pure and Holy, tried and true.
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living, sanctuary, for you.

In love with my Savior, my Lord and the husband he's given me,
Jen Daas

2007-09-11T07:46:00.000-07:00

HILARIOUS story from the Wright / Berg Merger :)

A bit o'background:
Brent and Ted are going to be living as bachelors for a couple months as wedding preparations are still in progress. (Ted - Oct 14, Brent Nov 2)
Well, by God's kindness, Brent is living in our (to-be) first residence, just below, occupying the first to-be Wright residence is Ted.

The funny thing is......
Last night when Brent and I were filling out our wedding invites........we heard the sound of water running.......inside the apartment. I said "Brent, do you hear that?" he just shrugged and said "yeah, sounds like someone is taking a shower"
I replied "umm, yeah, but in YOUR apartment !!?" I walked down the hall, and there was water dripping off of all sides of the sink! Water was coming up from the drain....and it was pretty warm and smelled like soap.......we grabbed a bucket and kept 'bailing' the water from the sink dumping it out in the bathtub.
Brent called Ted, no answer.
Ben came to our door and asked if knew where Ted was, because he wasn't answering the door......putting 2 and 2 together, inspector Berg figured out that the hot soapy water that filled our bathroom had to be none other than Ted taking a nice hot shower. And though we're into conservation.....umm.....bathwater is not something we'd prefer to recycle. :)

Ted finally answered......... sheepishly, and came down stairs to see what had happened due to his insatiable need to be clean. :)
And his wonderful in-laws were there helping us dry up the floor........poor Ted - can a guy just take a shower without the neighborhood knowing about it? :)

I can't wait to tell our kids all of the funny tales that come from living in the same building as our Wright friends. What a trip ~
Outski,
Jen

2007-08-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 16:20
"Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he whose trust is in the Lord"

Simple common sense -
(Just reminding myself)

1.) Give thought to the word in all aspects of life
2.) It's hard to do if you're not regularly reading God's word.
ie...lay aside some 'to-do's' to be in God's presence.

2007-08-23T08:29:00.000-07:00

Mercy

Sitting around Chipotle with my little brother and his wife Sarah shortly after Brent and I had gotten back together, we asked them what were some of helpful things brought up in pre-marital counseling.
The one that I remembered the best hit me today.
Jesse said that the BBC pastor told him that in their marriage when one of them sins against the other, the one who was sinned against has the opportunity to pursue the heart of the one who sinned against them.

At first I pulled a Frank.....and said "Wait......what?"

Because the last thing that I want to do when I'm butt hurt is go to the person who did it and show them love. There is this "Oh, I'll forgive them, but they need to do and say this and thus to win me back - then we're golden."

Though, after thinking about it recently.......that is not how Christ is with us.
When we sin, we get all sheepish and even if we want to go to him, sometimes we just meander about, looking at the cross out of the corner of our eye..........scared and sad that we did something wrong......wondering if it will be forgiven and our conscience cleansed....wanting it, but fearing screwing up again........

But God is the father in the story of the prodigal son. Waiting, watching....ready to forgive and runs to meet us when we run to him.........and he kisses our heads and throws a party because we have returned and repented. There is nothing to earn because we've received, Mercy.

Um...no wonder we're called sheep!?
Animals are funny.....my dog used to poop on the carpet when she was a baby dog.........and as soon as we came home, ZOOM - under the bed she went.....to hide.

My all-over-the-board point is that the counsel is beautifully reflective of Christ and his church.

When we screw up and hurt each other......the one in the wrong usually knows that they are in the wrong......and they are sometimes unsure if they can say the right thing or what to do to at all..........
So, the hurt one has the opportunity to overcome the evil with good and repay a blessing.
Saying something edifying and loving - soaked with forgiveness and acceptance so that the relationship is grounded in mercy.
I'm thinking that this will make for a blessed marriage....and rich and deep friendships.

I don't want to be one of the ones of whom it is said:
2 Tim 3:5
"having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power"

1 Peter 3:9
"Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing."

Let us pursue the hearts of those in the church who hurt us.......and fulfill our calling.
In Christ Jesus,
Jen2

2007-08-17T12:40:00.000-07:00

2ND post for the day - Couldn't help it.

SO many people ask me questions or insinuate questions like
"Where do Calvinism and evangelism meet?"
"If God has decided already who will be saved, why do evangelism?"

One main point that I should make is that the modern mission movement started by God-loving Calvinist-doctrine-loving people.
Surely, I'm still working out how prayer fits in, but I do know that God has ordained the end as well as the means to that end.

Acts 18:9b "Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no one will attack you to harm you, for I have many in this city who are my people."

My mentor and her husband love the Lord unlike anyone I've ever met. Their kindness and humility towards the friend, the visitor and the stranger is the most amazing thing to behold.
They are trusting the Lord who said that HE would be with them, and they believe at God has many people in Minneapolis who belong to God. I call them closet Calvinists......because they preach the bible and the Sovereignty of God straight from the word beautifully.

I read this recent update from about their latest ventures and....well, tried not to cry too much at work.........
Bit o'background:
Due to the firmness of the grip on the heart of James Mullen, the family started their missionary work prior to raising enough support even to make their mortgage payment.....talk about faith.....but wait, it gets better.
Below I retyped one of the articles from a recent missions update........yep, the one that made me cry. Good luck.

IT MUST BE GOD
Armed with fliers declaring that "Satan wants you to be ignorant; God wants you to know Him in TRUTH" James and a group from our church took to the streets of our neighborhood in north Minneapolis Thursday evening, 7/19 at 6:15pm. The purpose was to invite people to a service at the church that would begin at 7pm. Spontaneity marks the lives of many who believe here.

That was the inaugural meeting of "The Cross and the Community" an evangelistic outreach partnership between our church, Family Baptist (Girard Ave N and 22nd Ave)
and Christ Satisfies Ministries. This new ministry opportunity aims to reach those in our community who are out and about and bring them into the church for a time of hearing the truth of God's word, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs and enjoying fellowship and food. James and Pastor Lee will share preaching responsibilities with the focus being various aspects of Christ's work on the cross.

Unaware of how this approach would be received by people, we began to pray that the Lord would bless the meeting and bring at least 10 people from the community. We asked friends and ministry partners around the country to pray and appealed to the body at our church to be on their knees.

Just after 7pm with many fliers distributed and most of those from the church who had done the inviting returned and ready to hear the word, the worship time began and James headed up to the front of the sanctuary ready to preach about Jesus, the suffering Servant, prophesied about in Is 53. As he took the podium there were a couple of guests from the community along with those from the church, seemingly not the 10 neighborhood people for which we had hoped. Beginning to get discouraged, he bowed his head in prayer reminding himself that this was God's show and not his own and trusting the Lord could and would see fit to use His Word preached to convict and rescue sinners whether 1 or 100 were present. Upon looking up after his opening prayer, James was amazed to see many, many more people from the community filling in the seats in front of him!
Even some of the gang members/drug dealers that he ministers to throughout the week and whom he invited were sitting there in the church. "The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made." Ps 145:33b
Between 15-20 people from the community were present along with our brothers and sisters for a total of about 40. Praise the LORD!

When the service was finished, the group retired to the gym for pizza. Many of our neighbors and people from the streets were able to talk with believers and ask serious questions about Jesus, sin, death and their own future. A teenage mom who was there approached James with a broken and humble frame asking what she should read from the Bible. Not only was he able to direct her to the Gospel of John, but he was also able to point her to an older woman in the church who walked this young girl through the scriptures sharing details about the saving Gospel of Jesus Christ. Before the evening was over, she came back to James with tears rolling down her cheeks to share that she had repented of her sins and received the Lord Jesus. God is so good, so gracious and kind. A young man from the streets who is pretty hard and tough talked with James afterwards and said that he would be back the following week.

With great rejoicing Jame, our pastor and all involved were blessed to be vessels of Truth in the lives of some of our neighbors in north Minneapolis.

This past Thursday, 7/26, at the second meeting of "The Cross and the Community" the Lord once again demonstrated His Love for men through the gospel invitation. Again, we prayed for many to attend the service and enlisted the prayers of others to that same end. With fliers in hand a group of brothers ans sisters took to the streets once more on foot and with vehicles.
James, along with another man and his wife drove one of the church's large vans up and down and in and out of the nearby streets handing out fliers, offering rides and inviting people young and old back to Family Baptist to hear about Jesus.

Near Lowry and Lyndale a woman, perhaps in her fifties, said that she would attend with some of her grand kids and asked James to come back and pick them up. When he returned she, a girl around 11 and several young children piled into the van. Her daughter, the kids' mom, didn't make it in time for the van ride but later showed up at the church having taken the bus to get there!! The group then went off to one of the nearby streets to a house where many young men and women constantly hang out. Several hopped in and a full van headed back to the church.
This time the Lord blessed upfront, and many from the neighborhood were there at the start of the worship time. As the upbeat strains of the acoustic guitar launched into "Jesus, My Only Hope." voices rang out in song to the King. "Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker" Ps 95:6

James had the privilege of preaching again, this time on the doctrine of justification - our being acquitted and declared innocent in God's sight in addition to our being declared perfectly righteous - all through the sacrifice and work of Jesus Christ, the Father's gracious, indescribable gift to all who trust and believe. Hallelujah!
An amazing 56 people from the community who had no affiliation with the church were present!!
The time following the service was sweet as brothers and sisters were again able to minister Christ's love and the truth of God's word to our neighbors. The Lord was working. One homeless man who was pretty low in his circumstances expressed a great desire for change and intently listened with a tear stained cheek as a brother shared about the New Hope Center, a Christian-based recovery program which has a very strong biblical structure. Pray that he would submit to the Lord as his Savior and seek to put on a new life.

A teenage girl who rode along in the van with James and his group expressed a clear understanding of what had been taught. Pray that the Lord would move that knowledge beyond her intellect and into a saving knowledge and faith by the power of the Holy Spirit.

2007-08-17T07:35:00.000-07:00

Warnings in the Bible - primarily FOR believers ?

I'm reading a book by Thomas Schreiner and Ardel Caneday called "The Race Set Before Us, A Biblical Theology of Perseverance and Assurance" and seriously, there are few books that will shut a person up.....this is one of those books.

To live the life of a Christian in light of the reality of heaven and the threat of hell is a joyfully terrifying thing. When God does not give you over to the sins that you would choose if left without grace, there is great need to rejoice and......to tremble.

The most potent little point made that I've been thinking about is the statement that the WARNINGS in scripture are to the people in the church.....as a means of God's keeping them on the narrow path that leads to life. Notice the address at the beginning of the statement: "brothers"

Romans 8:12
"So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh.
For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him."

At the beginning of the book he points out a few different views that people have as far as perseverance and assurance.

The one, most destructive and deadly (in my little opinion) is the "Loss of Rewards" view.
The view has much more detail than this, but essentially it states that believers who professed Christ at some point in their lives and obeyed somewhat in their lives, will inherit eternal life, though they will lose rewards for not mortifying a certain beloved sin(s) that they continued in -while believing that God would simply forgive them of it.....also, their sin of omission (in not doing that which Christ commanded us, to "abound in love and good works"....."when were you hungry and we fed you not, or naked and clothed you not?.....I tell you truly, when you did not do it for one of the least of these, you did not do it for me."

And they will be banished with the hypocrites.

I think it is good to be quiet in light of our true desperate state before the Lord.......but as my bible study teacher said "The warnings are meant to affect you to stir you up to obey out of love and fear of the Lord, not to make you curl up into the spiritual fetal position"

May God bless you with fear and love and gratitude to Him today for the mercy you received today.....if you woke up believing AGAIN.....you have His grace with you.
In Christ Jesus.....7 years.....still shocked.....more so now than ever.
Jen2

2007-08-16T08:26:00.000-07:00

Sentiments.

How do we stay encouraged throughout our lives.......feeling as though your life actually matters and counts for other people and the hallowing of God's Name and the character building that results?

Lately, seeing the kindness of my fiance's friends in their unashamed love and gratitude for him as their brother.......has me feeling blessed and encouraged.
I know that Brent is not Jesus.......but certainly, I realize how God has given him a grace and compassion and sympathy that is supernatural.
Can a girl need ANYTHING more than that?
Is that not EXACTLY how Christ loves His church?

We fail and cry and repent.
He, hugs us and tells us it's forgiven......and that He's not going anywhere.
"Never will I leave you, nor forsake you."

We are stubborn and strong willed and hurt about something.
He, finds a way to get past the wall to penetrate the heart and in turn, we love Him even more.
"I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

We have a super hard day and grumble
He, listens well and brings fresh perspective - TRUTH to us.

We laugh and rejoice,
He rejoices with us.
"As the bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so shall your God rejoice over you."

May God change us to be more and more as a reflection of Christ and His church.
Brent, thank you for showing me Jesus' love and mercy toward me.......I love you more than Adam does. ;)

In the Love of Christ Jesus ~
Jennifer

2007-08-15T07:59:00.000-07:00

Ten Marks of A Flesh-Pleaser

In looking around for some solid Puritan Sermons (because they are so dead on much of the time, blunt and get me jealous for the holiness of my own heart)

How can we tell if we are walking by the Spirit or by the Flesh ?

V. The signs of a flesh-pleaser or sensualist are these
(which may be gathered from what is said already):

1. When a man in desire to please his appetite, referreth it not (actually or habitually) to a higher end, viz. the fitting himself to the service of God; but continues on only in the delightful times of it.

2. When he looks more desirously and industriously after the prosperity of his body than of his soul.

3. When he will not part with or forbear his pleasures, when God forbiddeth them, or when they hurt his soul, or when the necessities of his soul do call him more loudly another way, but he must have his delight whatever it cost him, and is so set upon it, that he cannot deny it to himself.

4. When the pleasures of his flesh exceed his delights in God, and his holy word and ways, and the forethoughts of endless pleasure; and this not only in the passion, but in the estimation, choice, and prosecution. When he had rather be at a play, or feast, or gaming, or getting good bargains or profits in the world, than to live in the life of faith, and love, a holy and heavenly conversation.

5. When men set their minds to contrive and study to make provision for the pleasures of the flesh; and this is first and sweetest in their thoughts.

6. When they had rather talk, or hear, or read of fleshly pleasures, than of spiritual and heavenly delights.

7. When they love the company of merry sensualists, better than the communion of saints, in which they may be exercised in the praises of their Maker.

8. When they account that the best calling, and condition and place for them to live in, where they have the pleasure of the flesh, where they have ease, and fare well, and want nothing for the body, rather than that where they have far better help and provision for the soul, though the flesh be pinched for it.

9. When he will be at more cost to please his flesh than to please God.

10. When he will believe or like no doctrine but libertinism, and hateth mortification as too strict preciseness. By these, and such other signs, sensuality may easily be known; yea, by the main bent of the life.

~ Richard Baxter

2007-08-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

TRUE Love, because it is from the book of beautiful truth....put into a poem to drive home the reality that "the steadfast love of the Lord is better than life."
Try not to weep your eyes out, those of you who belong to the Lord.....it's just that precious.

Like Gomer, "dark harlotry" runs in our blood. But God's love cascades over our crude lives. He makes us his wife, "blood-bought and beautified by grace."

The old man and his wife sat by
The winter fire and looked out high
Above the plains of Ephraim,
And saw around the last regime
Of Israel the shadows snake
Their way from east to west and take
Possession of Samaria.
"How long until Assyria,'
They thought, "would break Hoshea's rod,
And violate the wife of God?"
But strange as it may seem, the doom
They saw across the land left room
For hope. And when they looked into
Each other's eyes, as they would do
At night, they knew, as none could know
But they, that God would bend his bow
Against the charms of foreign men,
And take his faithless wife again.
They knew it could and would be done,
As surely as the rising sun
Drives darkness back unerringly,
And drowns it in the western sea.
They knew, because they had rehearsed
The tragedy and played it first
Themselves with passion and deceit.
"It's true that life is far more sweet,"
Hosea thought, "when it is lost,
Then bought again at dreadful cost;
And love grows strong when it must wait,
And deep when it is almost hate."

Such things as these he often said
To Gomer as they watched the red
And crimson echoes of the sky
Descend Mount Tabor's cliffs and die
In darkness far below.

And she
Would say to him, "Your love for me
Was like a mountain waterfall,
And I the jagged stone. Of all
The knives and hammers once applied
None made me smooth or clean. They tried,
But harlotry was in my blood,
Until your love became a flood
Cascading over my crude life
And kept me as your only wife."

They knew as none but they could know
What it would mean that long ago
The Lord allowed his love to swell,
And married faithless Israel.
The passing of the years now found
The children grown and gathered 'round
This night: Jezreel and Loammi,
Hosea's sons, and at his knee
Loruhamah. The room was sweet
With memories, and each replete
With pleasure and with ample pain.
Among the memories one main
Experience above the rest
Embraced them all. It was the best;
Indeed it was the mountain spring
Of every happy stream from which
The family ever drank, and rich
With hope. It was Hosea's love.
The children stood in wonder of
The way he loved, and Gomer too.
But this had not always been true.
Hosea used to say, "It's hard
To be a seer, and prophet bard.
The price is high when he must sing
A song of ruin over everything
In lyrics written with his life
And lose his children and his wife."
And so it was, Hosea heard
The Lord. It was the strangest word
A holy prophet ever got:
And every pointed precept shot
Like arrows at Hosea's life:
"Go take a harlot for your wife,"
Thus says the Lord, "And feel with me
The grief and pain of harlotry.
Her father's name is Diblaim;
He makes fertility with cream
And raisin cakes. He will not see
Her go without a price, for she
Has brought him profits from her trade.
Now go, and let her price be paid;
And bring her back and let her bear
Your son. Call him Jezreel. For there
Is coming soon a day when I
Will strike and break the bloody thigh
Of Jehu's brutal house, and seal
With blood the valley of Jezreel.
And after that, though she's defiled.
Go in, and get another child,
And make your tender face like rock.
Call her Loruahmah and lock
Your heart against all sympathy:
`Not pitied' is her name. No plea
From faithless Israel will wake
My sympathy till I forsake
My daughter in the wilderness.
Now multiply once more distress:
Hosea, go beget a son,
For there is yet one child to shun,
And call him Loammi, in shame,
For `Not My People' is his name."
Hosea used to walk along
The Jordan rim and sing the song
His father Beeri used to sing.
Sometimes the tune and truth would bring
Him peace, and he would pause and look
At all the turns the Jordan took,
To make its way down to the sea,
And he would chant from memory:

"Think not, my son, that God's great river
Of love flows simply to the sea,
He aims not straight, but to deliver
The wayward soul like you and me.
Follow the current where it goes,
With love and grace it ever flows."

The years went by, the children grew,
The river bent and Gomer knew
A dozen men. And finally
She left and traveled to the sea,
And sold herself to foreign priests
Who made the children serve at feasts
Until they had no shame.

And then
The God of grace came down again,
And said, "Hosea, go, embrace
Your wife beside the sea. And place
Your hand with blessing on the head
Of Loammi, and raise the dead
Loruhamah to life in me,
And tell Jezreel that I will be
For him a seed of hope to sow
In righteousness. Hosea, go,
The gracious river bends once more."
And so the prophet loved these four
Again, and sought them by the sea,
And bought them with the equity
Of everything he owned.

That was
The memory tonight, because
Hosea loved beyond the way
Of mortal man. What man would say,
"Love grows more strong when it must wait,
And deeper when it's almost hate."

Jezreel spoke softly for the rest,
"Father, once more let us be blessed.
What were the words from long ago
That gave you strength to love us so?
Would you please bless us with your rhyme,
And sing it for us one more time?"
"Think not, my son, that God's great river
Of love flows simply to the sea,
He aims not straight, but to deliver
The wayward soul like you and me.
Follow the current where it goes.
With love and grace it ever flows."
"And children," Gomer said with tears,
"Mark this, the miracle of years."
She looked Hosea in the face
And said, "Hosea, man of grace,
Dark harlotry was in my blood,
Until your love became a flood
Cascading over my crude life
And kept me as your only wife.
I love the very ground you trod,
And most of all I love your God."

This is the lamp of candle four:
A bride made ready at the door.
A shabby slave waits her embrace,
Blood-bought and beautified by grace.

~ Pastor John Piper

2007-08-06T08:28:00.001-07:00

Low and Weak in Faith and Love

There is this 'love' that we have for others that allows us to delight in them......we like the way they express themselves, make us laugh, like similar things, think similar ways....we appreciate feeling as though we are on the same page as other people. To be and feel known and accepted..... We love to be loved this way so much and sadly........we expect it.....we think that we deserve love. That American mentality keeps us from seeing the depth of the preciousness of the gospel. If we were so WORTHY of love......than what God did in Christ HE SHOULD have done....I mean, cause we're "so great and all"
Someone get me a yak bucket.
If the love directed toward us is somehow obligatory, how could it ever produce the kind of humility that it was intended to produce?
Ez 16:63
"That you may remember and be confounded, and never open your mouth again because of your shame, when I atone for you for all that you have done, declares the Lord GOD."

Lately, I've been noticing more and more.......that it only breeds arrogance when we sinners get the mindset that we are loved and accepted and delighted in by God (Is 62:5) (and other people) based on some intrinsic value in ourselves.....like we deserve to be forgiven ?

We fall into the trap that the Jews did with their expectation that OF COURSE eternal life belongs to them and all the blessings in this life simply because they are 'Abraham's seed'
Being irreverent in our conduct while attending church and reading God's word while walking around cheapening grace by continuing in the flesh........(I mean, the cursing, coarse jesting, worrying merely about things of this earth and not about the HUGE need to maintain communion with our Father as if our life depended on it....because it does)
I'm sick of myself.....and the only hope I have is that with God's hand heavy upon me......and His giving me a desire to have real love for other people.......perhaps He has not given me over to my sin. I long to see real love in the church here.......but sadly - the depth that I long for and the kind of Christian living that is most earthy and dependant on God is SOOO freaking rare in our kiddy pool deep Christianity. Sure, I've seen it, and it was beautiful and drew me in, and made me jealous for my own heart to be more holy.........and honestly, being around people who do not compromise anything brings conviction that is super emotionally and spiritually exhausting.........but it's so worth it.

It's about that time. Today is the day of choosing whom we will serve........self or the Lord our God. (yes, I'm still a Calvinist, and yes, I still believe you need to choose)

And plead desperately that the Lord will give you the faith and the desire to choose Him.......since the desire of the flesh is against God....the Spirit gives faith and ability to believe and cherish righteousness and holiness - God Himself.
Praise Him for keeping you believing today.

In Christ Jesus,
Jen

2007-07-23T09:01:00.001-07:00

This just in....
Studies show that 10 out of 10 people will die

"Whatever you eat, or drink, or whatever you do, do ALL for the glory of God."
1 Cor 10:31 "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." Romans 8:13 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The greatest motivation for all things we do in our lives cannot be for temporal ends. Meaning temporary results.....even if "we eat right, stay fit" - we die anyway.......so even being healthy is a temporary joy.....and I want soul satisfying - PERMANENT joy.

So.....umm, with eternity in mind......why workout?
This may be a touchy subject for some believers......those who, when I talk about taking care of our health sometimes fire back at me some verse like "physical training is of LITTLE value"......compared to the very important spiritual fitness that we give ourselves to in reading God's word" YES, yes that is true......but let's not use God's word as an way to get out of taking care of what God has given us.

"He loves thee too little, who loves anything together with thee, NOT for THY SAKE"
ie....Loving health and fitness and enjoying food without enjoying the giver of the ability to exercise and access to food, etc.......

Background ~ When my mom left my dad, I was about 12....and she and I were never really all that close to begin with.....and I never really had a role model.......until...well...... I remember that sometime shortly after that....I saw Baywatch for the first time, and became obsessed with wanting to be like Pam Anderson. I had heard people talk about how beautiful she was and somehow I put together that women have value and will be loved......if they are beautiful. I had every newspaper, magazine and even a poster of the Baywatch crew.....only so that I could mimic her......though I didn't have the motivation just yet........
When I was about 14-15 I had gained a BUNCH of weight.....weighing around 215lbs at 5'5'' (ack!) I was picked on quite a bit the first couple years of high school - which was really rough......especially since one of the best looking guys was one of the biggest jerks. So the summer between my sophomore year and junior year, I decided that that was over........ I colored my hair bleach blond, lost 100lbs in 4 months (extremely unhealthy, and had friends and parents turn me in thinking that I wasn't eating at all, though I did eat a little bit here and there) and started working out....a lot. Around that time, I met a guy who was obsessed with fitness and we ended up dating for 3 1/2 years.........bodybuilding and fitness shows - figure competitions, vanity abounded. I had entered a costume contest as Pam Anderson and won $2,000.......the biggest ego trip though, was when little kids or teenagers would come up to me at the mall or the state fair and ask me for my autograph.......agh.........got a huge head over that......thinking that I was somebody, when I was imitating someone else's vanity......I was a hopeless fool.
In April, 2000, however......my life came to a halt.

As true as the book of Eccles - I saw the fleeting pleasure of sin as just that......fleeting. I saw myself in truth.......
"My sin, my sin, my Savior - how sadly on thee thy fall."

Sitting in that seat in the auditorium on Easter, Apr 23, 2000........the connection. The sins committed by me - the honor and respect and glory I sought for myself in my vanity, the immoral life I was living (with a man I was not married to), the horrible way that I treated people..... my sin is what sent Christ Jesus to the cross. The girl who cared so much about what people thought about her, was in a puddle on the floor surrounded by 2000+ young adults that seemed to fade away in the shadows. No thought was taken regarding "image" except for how I must appear before a Holy God.......and the beauty of Christ and His most amazing love for sinners and scoffers - gripped my heart unlike any image in the world. Who dies for their enemies!!? Only the Son of God loves like that.......and those born of His Spirit.
In light of the gospel of Christ now, being NO longer as one in the world - no longer one of those women who are slaves to their flesh, beating their bodies into submission at the gym -seeking merely to turn heads and feel 'valuable' and to continue to look in the mirror with hopes to convince themselves that they are really remarkable.........my life is lived now in light of eternity.
I am not my own....I was bought with a price, therefore, the God who has been so merciful to me, who is worthy of my praises, my devotion, all of me......I will eat and drink and workout IN SUCH A WAY that those in the world will know that what I eat or drink or whatever I do - is not my ULTIMATE value - Christ Jesus is my everything. I don't say this to be frothy....

I simply mean that if you have Salvation for eternity, nothing else matters;
If you DON'T have salvation for eternity, nothing else matters.

My Goal is God Himself, at any cost, my dear Lord.

Sorry for being all over the place........
In Christ Jesus by His Mercy,
Jen2

2007-07-18T08:08:00.000-07:00

Heart Check - 53 cents

Foolishly us sheep sometimes get into 'mode' and just do life without taking into consideration that all that comes into the life of a believer is ordained of God for some greater END....(and is good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.)

The mundane can stunt growth if we're not careful.....just going through the motions of work with no view of eternity - ack~

So, the other day God shook me up out of my ''wedding planning mode".......
I went to buy some little gifts for a shower that I was throwing.......and found some great buys. (praise the Lord!)
Including these cute crystal candle holders......and candles (sold separately)
I put the candles in the holders to see how they looked and ended up just leaving them in there as I put my things up on the counter to purchase them.

Though I wasn't paying super close attention, the thought that the cashier may not have taken the candles out to ring them up separately flashed through my mind......then the thought of "well, if I don't look at the receipt, I won't know any different, and I can just be ignorant and get away with not having to hand her my check card again and pay for the little pink candles"
THEN I thought, "oh, no.....my heart is trying to excuse not paying for something......."
So, as I bit my lip, I looked at the receipt and then said to the cashier "umm, you didn't charge me for the candles, but only the candle holders." the WAR raged in my heart.....OVER 53 CENTS!!! A Gollum and Schmiegel sort of battle.

The money was not the point; The fact that I had to repent as I did what was right - knowing that I had just considered (evil) in just walking away (thief) makes me terrified.......and yet gives me joy.
God has not yet given me over to my sin.......repentance is a gift that I've been given yet again by Christ in His mercy.......dang.
I fear for the ones who thinks it is wrought autonomously by any foolish sinful human being.

Repentance is of God.....
Longing to get lower.....to understand our true standing before a Holy God -
Then - the Cross is magnified.

Jen2

2007-07-10T14:21:00.001-07:00

Where's YER HOPE at ?

Agh.....Constantly......being brought back to this, the crux of the matter.
"HOPE IN God" the word tells us
(through David's Holy Spirit inspired preaching to HIMSELF)

And if we're not hoping in God, and we're truly His children.........there are many things that he will knock out of our life.......so that we are cast more and more fully onto Him as our only hope, and our source of joy and strength and peace

It is a terrifyingly wonderful thing....and it makes your heart feel all out of control, when God takes away hopes you had for things in this life......letting go has some greiving involved....but it's not Joyless by any means...........
You look to your friends, who are not perfect, who are not Christ....no matter how great they are - they fail. You look to your spouse, to the closest relationship that a human can possibly know and it doesn't take much time to realize that they are in the same boat as you are -
(brace yourself, you're married to an imperfect self-seeking by nature- sinner)
You fail them, and humanly speaking, you cannot bear the weight of expectations they might carry from walking around in our romanticized, phony, finicky, lustful, and kiddy-pool-deep-love culture.
Everything in our culture (and unfortunately in MANY ''christian" books) points us to a view of love that makes much of US......

I don't think that romance is wrong, but basing a marriage relationship off of such things is just silliness. (to quote one of my favorite pastors, Alistair Begg)

Matt 23:23
"Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others."

Being told 'woe to you" by God himself is.........umm.......terrifying if you let your heart wrap around the words Christ spoke.
His desire is not only for us to bring the gifts to the altar.......but to seek justice and to be merciful and faithful in all things.....demonstrating that we trust Him.

God help us keep our troth,
and measure love by blood and oath.
(snip taken from Pastor Piper's poem - "Pilate's wife")
Working it out with fear and trembling - no joke
Jen2

2007-07-03T07:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Christian Sisters...........
a MUST READ, after much prayer ~

"For Women Only" book by Shaunti Feldhahn

My dear friend (and maid of honor) gave me this book last week.......to help me get a better understanding of what it is to the wife of a God-fearing man in a culture like ours.....and although it is by far the hardest book (emotionally) that I've ever read......it is good, and helpful...
soooo good. Being able to respect, love and honor is more practical than I thought.
It's much more than just saying "I respect you" or complimenting an accomplishment of a man.....

I would caution any woman who struggles with self centeredness - not to read this book until she has prayed earnestly that God would allow her to read it with a heart that desires to understand her husband and how he's wired, with the end in mind to bless him and be more encouraging and more devoted to his good.

I only mention the caution because unfortunately, I still had and have some 'western culture' in my heart and head that is being brought to the surface to be burned away (painfully) by our faithful God. My hope is to be a blessing and a fountain of joy for Brent so that he would abound in thanksgiving to God, and see the power of God in my life as I surrender my will and my heart to be molded to be his devoted and faithful wife.
In the mix of all of the reading, I recommend thinking often about the verse in
Prov 31:12
"She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life."

I feel free when I think about how to bless him......challenged and excited..... but if I fall into the "what about jennifer?" mentality - my joy is stifled, and I feel robbed and wronged and it gets hard to see grace and to read the word with any kind of profit.

To be totally honest......the hardest chapter of the book is about wives taking care of their appearance - always. It's such a taboo in the Christian culture.....and if you mention it to some women - their response will be that they feel hurt or pressured or unloved.
(ahem, me too, if left to myself without God's grace)

It's sooo odd. We women want to be attractive to our husbands, but we don't want to be loved because of our attractiveness, we want to be loved regardless of how we look......
In the book, there were many polls taken of God-fearing men, to get to the bottom of their hearts on these issues........and I have to say....reading about how men feel when their wives don't take care of themselves was just heart breaking.....they feel like their wife does not care about them, about their happiness...and most times, the man will not dare to say a thing to his wife, because he really does love her for who she is and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings....and sometimes the men can feel as though it is sinful to want to desire his wife more physically. SO not the case brothers !
But yes, we women are very fragile in this area, because of our disgusting culture, influenced by hell itself, that perverts the good and God-given natural desire in men to desire beauty....
Both men and women seem to be crippled in their marriages because of our hyper sensual culture....and we need to fight off the worldly mindset of "looks are everything" and fight off the popular christian mindset of "looks don't matter at all or you're sinful"
God made men visual....God made women with the desire to be desirable.......it's as plain as the day is long.

On the more encouraging side - Men feel loved and honored and blessed when their wife goes out of her way to take care of her appearance.....working out, eating right, etc....WOW.
After reading that chapter and wrestling over the last 24 hours......mostly because there is an undercurrent in our Christian culture that makes it seem like men shouldn't care about their wife's appearance.......and men shouldn't be deeply attracted to their spouse's exterior nor care about it at all or they are sinful, fleshly and worldly minded.
THAT is a huge lie, trapping men between a rock and a hard place.
Truth is that they love their wives as they are, but would be blessed if the wife made efforts to be in the best shape she could, and wore a bit of makeup- even if he is the only one she's going to be around. A man feels loved and is more encouraged to fight against the culture he lives in, knowing that the wife he has is fighting for his delight in her for the glory of God.

God delights himself in his bride.....the church. Men are commanded to be intoxicated by their wives.........and I'm agreeing with this very very difficult book that out of love for God and for our husband's joy and encouragement - we women should be doing all that we can to help them obey that command to delight themselves in their own wives.

Let the sisters who are able to receive this, receive it.
God created men to admire beauty.......there's no way around it.......and to embrace it within a redeemed marriage will be a refreshing thing because of Christ.

2007-07-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

Matt 5:6
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

With the recent news that a dear brother in Christ (former boss of mine) has been diagnosed with leukemia.....a right view of the shortness of my own life has given me better perspective....again.
No wonder Edwards resolved to think about death daily.

Hungering for righteousness....to love more deeply and to forgive quickly- not counting sin against a brother or sister because Christ has ransomed them.....AGH......

Is it just me or does it get tempting for others to think about the 'hurt' we feel when we're wronged and close off to the person who hurt us, rather than extending grace and love and the open embrace that Christ is always waiting to give us stupid sinners.

The depth of the love and acceptance that the Father has for us in Christ is just staggering.......
We're side by side in the war against sin......not enemies.
Scattered thoughts today..........

In Christ Jesus with you ~
Jen2

2007-06-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

Remember what it felt like - Living in the Moment ?

It came so easy when we were 8.....you didn't need to think through so many different "what if's"......you didn't have to tell yourself to "HAVE FAITH" that your parents would provide dinner everyday.....(faith that is real, seems to not have to be mustered up.)

My dad sacrificed so much of himself and his desires for new snowmobiles and etc....for us kids, and thinking about how I trusted him, without any kind of effort - to provide food for me, and school clothes, and that he could perhaps get me the bike I wanted SO bad for my birthday.
I didn't trust in the provision, I trusted in my DAD and his character.....easily.
(though I wouldn't have been able to articulate that back in the day....)

As I'm moving into a completely different phase of my life, I find myself fighting to remember that child-like faith, to trust only in God Himself.....in His Character as is revealed in His word .......I mean, think about the sacrificial love of the Father in Christ Jesus......umm...yeah, we can trust Him.
Just as the prodigal son trusted in the kindness and forgiveness of his father enough to even consider going home.
(to the father against whom he had sinned against; shaming the family name grievously)
The humble boldness to seek forgiveness........a whole other blog topic......sigh.

Time to find out more about the responsibilities in the family of God now that we are no longer babies in the faith................

Rejoice in Hope friends -
Jen2

2007-06-20T07:36:00.000-07:00

Engagement Day Pictures are now on Picasa, thanks to Ted and Gina !!

See link under "photo albums" in the right hand column........

** Ted and Gina sold seperately.....together.

2007-06-14T09:10:00.000-07:00

Marriage was God's Idea ~

The Lord has continually brought us back to reality...to the very reality that relationships are about Christ and His church. (selflessness, understanding, and grace and magnanomous forgiveness)

We have been in the process of being refined (painfully) over the last year.......
and both Brent and I have as our deepest hope - that we will be made to be more like Christ....we want to have HIS heart. Something prayed and earnestly desired, but agh....it is worked out through suffering........

Jesus didn't just tell us he loved us - he was whipped and beaten for our transgressions.
He didn't just buy us a dozen roses and put us on a pedestal, nor did he tell us 'how great we were" - he was crucified for his wretched sinful bride in order that we could be with him one day.

He suffered for his bride -
He loved her when she was MOST unlovely, and at a time when she was living as His ENEMY.

What love is this ???
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13)

Love in marriage is to reflect that of our Savior.....may God give us the strength and faith it takes to love like that.

Learning as we go ~

2007-06-12T09:20:00.000-07:00

Brent and Jennifer (Berg) ~ Engagement Story

Not sure if I will be able to show everyone the DVD that our dear friend Ted had made for us of the actual engagement........(though you will see it at our wedding I think ! :)
(thanks Ted and Gina again......for everything you did......and for being so good at fibbing.....er in Gina's case - "subject changing")

Here's how it went down ~

Looking back….I should have picked up on things a bit better…….but was trying to guard my heart so that I wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t propose this past weekend…….I wasn’t thinking too much about any little thing like I was when a few friends and I were at Minnehaha the week before....…… I think that that little excursion helped me to get my mind on the here and now and just enjoy my time with Brent rather than stirring with expectations.

Brent and I went camping Friday night with Ted and Gina (who are engaged and set to be married in October this year- YEY!)
Don't worry though, it was wholesome.....guys on one side girls on the other....and we were all bundled up in many layers at night cuz it was SUPER chilly.

Brent brought his guitar and when I saw it I was excited to think that we were going to get to sing worship songs …….and thanked him for bringing it even………he said (without being any kind of shady) “yeah, I brought a bunch of worship songs too……..”

Friday night we all went on a walk and checked out the stars…..Brent and I stopped at this one spot and Ted and Gina felt like exploring a wee bit more ....... so they just kept walking on the trail ………it was beautiful out.......and would have been a good time to propose, now that I come to think of it…..hmm……but he had other plans.

So, Saturday we spent the day hiking and fishing – it was super restful and peaceful………..perfect weather beautiful views – just amazing. After all the fishing and sweating and such, we got back to the camp site and took showers..........then we all ate dinner together, Brent had taken out his guitar and was just playing random chords…...I asked him if he could play that song that I love so much, he fumbled around and said, “sorry hun, I can’t remember how it goes”…….
Ted and B were casually talking about weddings and whatnot, and Brent asked me what kind of rings are my style….and that he was planning on looking soon, but that he hadn't yet……and suggested that maybe I could show him some that I like.
SERIOUSLY – I was bummed…….I thought….”wait….I thought he would have BOUGHT it already……but ….?” B could tell I was bummed too......but I fought being too bummed and forced a smile and said that I would be happy with any kind of ring, as long as it's from him.

Anyhow, shortly after that, Ted had a great idea to bring our chairs out to the scenic overlook where he and Gina had walked to the night before……..and for Brent to bring his guitar for worship out there.
Needless to say, I was pumped….worship Jesus in the wilderness??!!!! DUDE !

We walked down there, peaced out and B was calm as ever….no red flags or anything.
Ted, being Ted…..brought a video camera to take ‘stock’ footage of the scenery (which Rock TV often uses) and still….I didn’t think anything of it…..because it was Ted.

We got there, and set up our chairs and Ted took some footage of the scenery and then put the camera on a tripod……facing B and I …….I didn’t notice for a wee bit, but then asked him if it was on and he said “No..it’s off……” all casual-like.

We sang some great songs, and my heart was just resting and loving Jesus………..taking in God’s creation and his majesty…….and I wanted to pray……..so I said so.
Brent looked at Ted, then moved to the edge of his seat and said, “well, actually I have a song for you”
He started playing his guitar and I knew right away that it was my favorite song

“Bring it on Home to me”
He sang it really well.........and I felt like we were all alone in the world.
What are the lyrics you ask?

“You got someone here wants to make it alright

Someone who loves you more than life, right here.

You got willing arms that'll hold you tight

A hand to lead you on through the night, right here.

I know your heart can get all tangled up inside

But don't you keep it to yourself.

When your long day is over

And you can barely drag your feet

The weight of the world is on your shoulders

I know what you need, Bring it on home to me

You know I know you like the back of my hand

But did you know I'm gonna do all that I can right here

I'm gonna lie with you till you fall asleep

When the morning comes I'm still gonna be right here (yes I am)

So take your worries and just drop them at the door

Baby leave it all behind.

Baby let me be your safe harbor, Don't let the water come and carry you away

[Chorus]

You got someone here wants to make it alright

Someone who loves you more than life, right here”

As he was singing (and after he finished) he looked at me with such a sweetness in his eyes;
Then he reached down into his guitar case and pulled out a little white box and came over in front of me and got down on one knee and told me he loved me…..and asked

“Will you marry me?”

I didn’t even see the ring to know what it looked like, and I’m not sure if I even answered him right way………….my heart was melted so fast and I was bawling so hard--- I just wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him weeping for joy.
We got a few more pictures taken and walked back to camp……..Ted and Gina gave us a gift of “his and her” camping mugs.....and a patch from the state park where we got engaged.

This verse hit me as I fell asleep that night praising the Lord that I get to experience God's steadfast love through our relationship.

Though tried and tested as by fire, It never failed....

There is no explanation other than that it seems to be the steadfast love of the Lord poured into our hearts by our Heavenly Father.....we love the gift of each other, but we love the giver more than life itself.

To Christ Alone be the glory in His church, His bride....beloved, redeemed, not to be forsaken. We love you Father.

Prov 13:12
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.”

2007-06-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

The Adventures of Brent and Jennifer

~ Continued ~

Love suffers long and is kind;

Love does not envy;

Love does not parade itself, it is not puffed up; Does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

Does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.

Saturday evening, June 9th we became officially engaged........with the most incredible proposal........it couldn't have been better.

(sorry about the fragmented sentences.....I'm still in a state of blessed shock and thanksgiving to our God)

I will post the "how it went down" in the near future, but I have much work to do here at the bank.

To our dear friends who have consistently given us encouraging counsel ~

We thank God for you.

2007-06-07T07:05:00.001-07:00

Marriage is like a Motorcycle Ride ..................

Just a random thought as I drove into work this morning.....that the same need to trust when tempted to fret happens when you're subject to another - in marriage or when you put your life in someone else's hands via - riding on the back of a motorcycle. :)
It's about trusting the God of the husband first, but also, the husband himself in his God-given leadership role.

So here's what I got - my heart's hope is to be a blessing to him and to enjoy the time myself
I'm thinking that as women, we need to:

* Trust his judgement because he has a clear view of the road and believe that he's going to do his best to avoid potholes. ~ Yet remembering that it is ultimately in the Lord providence if we do hit a pothole, lest I grumble in hitting rough terrain. The opposite of trust is fretting.
The husband will be blessed when the wife is resting in the Lord through all circumstances.

* Trust where he's taking me, because sometimes I have no idea. To be thankful - that we take detours to enjoy the view :) Take it all in, it is from the hand of the Sovereign God who loves us both.

* Hang on tight. After all, he left his mother and father for this. :) Gen 2:24

* Even when after a time of riding my back gets tired, or I get a bit chilly.......resisting the temptation to complain with a heart to encourage.
(The after affect of complaining will be far worse than any momentary uncomfortableness.)

Prov 21:19
"It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All this is just helping me soak up these verses ~
Hab 3:17-19
"Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's;
he makes me tread on my high places."

Rest in this, knowing that He who keeps your heart beating watches over you, he gives you faith to sustain you in all trials and persecutions.
Ps 121:1-4
"I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. "

Selah.

(of course, this is all just a bunch of letters clumped into words on a blog page, unless God shows up and lights up the heart with joy and grace to believe it)

2007-06-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Recent "Ah- HA" moment

I tell you what.....relationships are............... sanctifying. (duh)

God meets (me) us in completely different ways and we can see more little tid-bits about the gospel that just makes the heart want to burst - because it is SO beautiful.

The most recent thing brought to light in my thinking was about a wife's role with her husband.....what is that supposed to look like ? How is she supposed to relate to him as her head, her shepherd.............and I wonder the most about the amazingly depicted picture of "relationship" in the Holy TRINITY.

The pondering ~

Looking back to Genesis 2:20, when God gave us the reason for his creation of the female, she was created to be Adam's helper. "The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him."

John 14:26
"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you."

Jesus said that the Holy Spirit was the Helper that he was providing for us, and that the role of the Helper was to remind us of God's word....... (which is really......the only way to fight against sin in our own hearts and WIN)

And if you put that understanding of the word helper into the Genesis text---and think about the fall of creation........
Eve was created to be Adam's Helper, and out of love for him she was to remind him of
WHAT GOD HAS SAID. ie.."You are not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil."
(she should have been seeking HIS eternal good, his right relationship with the Father should have been her heart's priority)

But, because she didn't do that - all of creation groans, and every generation of mankind feels the consequences.

The calling of a wife seems to be much higher than just merely doing the laundry or tending babies. Our life is to be about the word of GOD, so that our own hearts will bear the lamb-like, dove-like temperament of the Lord Jesus as we remind our husbands of what our Great God has said....for the sake of his hope and joy in the Lord, and that God's attributes would be manifested to the world.

God's promises. His commands. His encouragement. His warnings. For the sake of the soul of the one who leads us ladies.....keep your eyes on Jesus and your nose in his word.

Brought to you by the number 7, the letter A, and God's Mercy,
Jen2

2007-06-01T08:24:00.000-07:00

The Centrality of LOVE in salvation.

It's so odd how God gives joy to believers. When we lose our lives, we gain life. wha???
When we lay down the desire to be honored and adored, and spend time wondering how to bless others, and how we might make Jesus known among those who've heard his name but never seen His heart in actions........surpisingly - JOY happens.

Edwards' take on the most commonly used text at make-believer weddings, is just amazing.
1 Cor 13:1
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had heard it said when I first was saved that "you can put the word Jesus in place of the word "love" in this text."
And while that would be fully true..........Christ is more described as the wisdom and knowledge of God in the scriptures........and the Holy Spirit seems to be the Love of God in the bible.

That love is the Holy Spirit. So we can have all kinds of "knowledge" and even a kind of faith.......but if we have not Love (the Holy Spirit) it profits us nothing......which makes sense, if you think about it - because
Mark 8:36 "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his life?"
What good is knowledge if you do not have salvation !!!?
What good is being able to speak in tongues if you have not love for your brother as EVIDENCE that you are born of God???!!!

It profits us nothing.

Being born of the spirit is a mysterious thing........but the scripture tells us that one born of God will have corresponding fruit....ie..love to God and to others that is supernatural.
And since Love never ends.......it is eternal...it is GOD himself ruling in the soul of a believer that their actions are the affects of the Headship of the Living God in our lives.

1 John 4:8
"Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."

1 John 4:16
"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

God didn't mince words, he said love for our brothers and sisters is great evidence that we are abiding in Him, we are His children, and have recieved the Holy Spirit.

Gal 5:22
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control, against such things there is no law."

Romans 13:8
"Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law."

Romans 13:10
"Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfilling of the law."

Gal 5:14
"For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Peaced out, broken and empty vessel that needs the Lord to fill me up with love for His people............
what a joyful place to be,

Love from Above and in truth ~
Jen2

2007-05-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Nothing Worthwhile is Easy

Ever notice this and still have a hard time believing it?
When things are hard, our natural human inclination seems to want to just run toward ease.
I know that Christ like love "takes no thought for itself, and commits to love even if and when it hurts to" And God is faithful.

To our dear friends (of Brent and I)
We cannot tell you how much it means that you are in our lives, giving us grace and solid counsel and insight. We thank God for your support and love as we submit our hearts and hopes to Him.

May the Lord do what seems good to Him.

James 1:2-
"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. "

1 Peter 5:6
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you"

Amazingly held by Grace,
Jen2

2007-05-17T13:56:00.000-07:00

On the Mark....On the Money......whatever - it's ON - that's all I got to say.

http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001498.cfm

This article (also posted on the OA ministry blog) is called the Fruit of Immaturity and it is
Right ON ~ and I just realized that it was written by a brother from BBC.........that's encouraging.

Spiritual Immaturity in us believers comes out mainly in our self-seeking ways, the inability to make decisions and the huge reluctance to commit to anything....everything from plans for the weekend to deciding who and when to marry.

Tis' time for us to grow up - in love....to move ahead, press on with nothing held back.

I dare you to read it ~ hehe
:)
Yer buddy,
Jen2

2007-05-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Love in Truth

1 Tim 1:5
"The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."
A new view....questions and convictions generally lead to pleading with God....I know you believers feel me here. I've never really cared how I've come across to people......though sometimes have been told that I'm "forward, blunt, abrasive, etc"

Now, all of the sudden - I care

In California, there was some faithful family in Christ doing street preaching - it was a blessing to see soldiers of Christ unwavering in their diligence, truly.
But something was 'off'. (Upon seeing the splinter of someone else, - I found a log in my own eye; Seriously, they were made of the same kind of wood.)
The sharing was of a cocky nature, forthcoming but arrogant of the knowledge of the precious truths... And as I listened, all kinds of texts hit me a bit deeper than they had before. Both in how I am in my relationships with family in Christ and unbelievers alike.

Prov 16:32
"Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city"

Gal 5:22 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control"

When coming along side one caught up in a sinful state.........compassion

Gal 6:1 "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness."

2 Tim 2:24
"And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will."

1 Peter 3:15
"..........but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame."

(and that Christ's Name might not be reviled because of my words/actions)

So - the questions stirring in all my activity with believers and unbelievers alike..................
Am I edifying others by the way that I'm bringing truth to them?
Do they see the heart of Christ as I talk to them??
Am I doing as the text Heb 10:24 says about "considering one another"- how to stir them up to love and good works? (not how I'd be encouraged, but what might encourage this person or that person)

I need to be assured of who God is - ALL of who He is if I am to be a faithful witness in my speech and behavior;
As my brother and Piper have said, what you behold, you become.

Lord, have your way in your church!!

2007-05-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Gods Word is our primary weapon in the fight for Joy and Hope

Unexpected blessings.....

Yesterday in all the chaos of trying to get back in the groove here at work....a teller came in and 'interrupted' my paper sorting and asked if I'd count the vault with her. (a routine that normally others handle and I'm a back up....though I rarely ever fill in)

I sighed and said 'sure'......all the while wondering how I'm going to get all of my piles worked through by the weekend.
We walked back and an older gentleman, whom I did not recognize said "hello young lady, how are you today?" with an expression and a tone that seemed like he was talking to an old friend. I said that I was doing very well, considering how busy it's been and did the Minnesota thing and asked him how HE was doing.
He said "very well by God's grace"
My little heart jumped......A BELIEVER !!

We sat for a bit and talked, (mostly him talking).....
A fountain of God's word seemed to be flowing from a deep pool in this man.
With the little bit I shared about how I was praying and seeking how to help some of my loved ones who are struggling with anxiety and such, He encouraged me with one of my favorite texts, Rev 12:11
“And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death”

He brought it home to my heart deeper than ever in stating that the testimony is not simply “their salvation story”
but the testimony IS every word that proceeds from the mouth of God…..the Bible.
He said the greatest way to combat temptations to depression and anxiety (usually happens when satan comes to cast doubt on what God has said) -

We can say definitively -
"IT IS WRITTEN............" and quote ANY text from the bible – just like Jesus did, knowing that faith IS believing what God has said.
This is walking by the spirit.....abiding in the word through memorizing and meditation so that the Holy Spirit can call it to our hearts to convict and guide us.

It is written
Isaiah 31:8
"It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

It IS Written
Is 41:10
"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you,I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"

Can't believe it's taken me so long to get a tiny little bit of knowledge to grasp this simple concept.

oiy vey.
God is amazing....that's all I got ~
Later Brethren !
Jennifer

2007-05-02T10:28:00.000-07:00

Where in the................????
CALIFORNIA baby !

I'm out here with a Joey friend........and don't have access to my email for some odd reason. So Huey and Hibby - HIEEE !!!

What a blessing to be here......
Got to see the ocean that God made yesterday for the first time in my life......it was a lot like Lake Superior surprisingly. You know, except for the whole palm tree deal, and well, the waves are A LOT bigger. :)

I feel like a little kid - all amazed at every little thing......all giddy and everything.

On Friday, Joey and I are going to go to the open air preaching in the promonade that Ray Comfort started. DUDE !! I can't wait !!! Her commencement is on Saturday and I get to meet her papa. (whom she speaks super highly of)
Then Johnny Mac is preaching from Luke on Sunday.....
Until then, we intend to relax and talk about every little thing.....at the beach. :)

Oh, and people out here are not as rude as everyone said they were (even the people on the plane who are from here were warning me not to make eye contact with people unless I was looking to get into a fight) ....but they have actually been very friendly....then again, it's only my first 24 hours out here......

Of course, the conversation about L.A somehow ended up as a conversation about Jesus......(yeah, like that never happens)
The couple that I talked with on the plane on the way out are Mormons.......who've got the gospel all wrong. The main thing I spent my time arguing (gently) is that no sinfilled fallen human can earn salvation...we all deserve to be condemned (they believe only the "really bad people" are going to hell).....so I pulled at that thread for the entire 3 hour flight. (choosing to avoid diving into how WRONG it is to think that satan is Jesus' brother - I figure that if they get grace to see the Gospel rightly - God will clean up all of the other errors in their thinking)
I shared how we cannot 'choose' to be saved - that they might let go of the thinking that they can choose to be an object of mercy......and that God is the ultimate chooser in the universe. We are the beggars. I read all of Romans 9 to them and by God's grace they desired to hear my thunderclap testimony. It's times like this that I am grateful that no one told me to "pray this prayer" or what I "needed to do to be saved" or that I had to "ask Jesus into my heart"
My salvation was very obviously - not my doing........and there is no ground for boasting except of what Christ had done in giving me eyes to see Him in truth and eyes to weep over my sin.
Oh, the amazing MERCY of God the Father, my Father.

Wellp.......That's the Daasy report - coming to you live from O.C. California, by the Grace of God.

Laters ~
Jen2

2007-04-26T08:02:00.000-07:00

Another Odd Dream ~

Woke up at 1:43am, no joke.....in the middle of a dream that I was being beaten because of my faith in Christ. The ODD thing is...that 143 is code for I LOVE YOU. (one letter, four letters, three letters)

I find it amazing sometimes how God is kind to do things uniquely in our lives that will get our attention set on Him.
He knows me better than I know myself, and how to get my attention.....and how I will interpret things that happen.

This deal I took to mean,
"I love you, suffer well"

(don't get all worried for me friends.........I only take things to heart that line up with Scripture- God's word dominates)

2007-04-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

The Beauty of the seemingly mundane ~

"Everyday love" in marriage - and our relationship with the Father seem so similar. Days go by, things get familiar....we get to know His word more and more and it becomes us......and in the marriages that I admire most - the couples seem to KNOW each other so very well that they can read the slightest eye flicker, or hand gesture or know that a laugh is merely a "courtesy" one, when everyone else hasn't got a clue. (ie...if you're Steph, you buy the coffee with all the favorite/specifics that Tex prefers.)

I think that that is what makes the deep love in marriage such an amazing thing to behold...
And likewise, the intimacy of truly knowing the LORD.
By knowing God's word well, our disposition changes......and without even perhaps our needing to consciously think through things, we walk away from those things that we know He would not be pleased to see us do - Because we love Him.
We don't need to make a list of reasons TO DO or NOT TO DO something before our feet start moving in the direction we KNOW would please Him. It is the way of the Spirit of God in guiding our steps. The deepest feelings of love are solid because they are based on growing knowledge of the one loved.

Christ IS the knowledge of God
2 Cor 4:6
"For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ."

Col 2:2
"being knit together in love, to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ......."

We love him because we've known him......as "Adam knew Eve and she conceived and bore a son."
Intimate.....radical.....umm....DUDE.......wow.

Of course, this thought came to my mind by Ozzie Chambers, and well, Rascal Flatts.... :) Their song "Everyday Love"
Love in marriage usually causes me to think of Christ and His church.......
The true eternal romance.

2007-04-17T06:51:00.000-07:00

Another Active "Letting"

Couple favorite verses that free the heart to trust the Lord in all things this side of heaven. (relationships/finances/persecution, all of the 'unknowns'...and etc..)

Faith is believing what God has said.

Psalm 37:5
"Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act."

2 Chron 16:9
"The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. "

Active letting involves - seeking and committing our hearts to do what pleases the Father who mercifully saved us through crushing His Son.

2007-04-16T08:45:00.000-07:00

Anyone seen my sheep ? ~ Jesus

If you find a sheep that is all dirty, bites and swears and is just all around disobedient....it may belong to Jesus. You'll know them by the way that they react when you tell them to follow you back to Christ......
ie...try using something from God's word....that's the ticket.
If they recognize the language that you're speaking to them, and they know that you tell the truth and that you serve the one who IS....they will follow you back to the Shepherd, the overseer and lover of their soul - joyfully. (sometimes, yes, they even skip :))

Just be aware that in some cases, they might continue to bite and squirm, but that doesn't mean that they are not necessarily one of Jesus' sheep. They may have had other people try to pick them up or drag them along back to the shepherd. It is far better for those sheep to just love them and be there with them in the dirt until they see how much the shepherd loves them via your steadfast love.

And He has said to us sheep "Never will I leave you, nor forsake you."

(ahem, note: God's word washes the dirt off, and you'll need to wash after each time being in the "dirt" (world) for any length of time, lather, rinse, and repeat)

Don't pretend that they don't have dirt on them.....but also, certainly don't just pretend to love them either..... Love them as the one who sent you loves you and in that you will show yourself to be truly of the flock of God.

Luke 6:35
"Love your enemies. Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked."

2007-04-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

From the Mouths of Babes

This morning when I was watching Titus and Pheobe, they were telling me stories about how they fell down and got owies.

Titus (3 yrs) told me how the Lord let him fall down a couple stairs, but that God didn't let him fall "utterly"....in that God saved him from falling down all of the stairs.

Praise the Lord - he knows how to apply God's word in daily circumstance!

I believe it was his way of working out Psalm 37:24
"Though he fall, he shall not be cast headlong,
for the LORD upholds his hand. "

2007-04-05T20:08:00.000-07:00

I JUST KNOW by Disciple

"What makes you different from one another?
Why do you argue about who you follow ?
There is no man that you belong to ~
There's only ONE God that can claim you ~

I don't care, if you drink grape juice or if it's wine,
and I don't care if you, get out of church on time.
What does it matter if someone lets out a "hallelujah" shout?
Have we forgotten - what praising Yahweh is all about?!?

I just know Jesus is the way,
I just know Jesus is the truth,
I just know Jesus is the LIFE,
I just know Jesus is my God !"

2007-04-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

Biter Sheep
Dear friends of the blogosphere.......anyone else notice when God brings people into your life, (unbelievers and make-believers) AND THEN He brings up His Gospel....if you dare to ''go there" with them and are unashamed of the Christ ~ God gives you a fresh sense of the preciousness of what He was really up to at Calvary??
Nothing sweeter to remind us that WE desperately need Jesus.........

He's been so kind with putting lost sheep in my path. Three that I would appreciate prayer for.

Ty - I've known him for 11 years, he's like a brother to me and knew me well - before I was saved and now....he knows that I'm different, but hasn't a clue what is the cause, he doesn't believe that there is a God because his "truth" is obtained via the discovery channel. (everything on the discovery channel is "fact" you know......sigh......sarcasm)
He's been mocking me more now lately than ever........Oh, I hope and pray that his mocking and other sins are forgiven and not stored up as wrath against him! I love him very much.

Jim - a middle aged, post modern mentality type - new client of mine who has too much money, and heard much about God's wrath the other day in my office. For the better part of a 2 hour meeting. He's going to be receiving the book "Jesus among other gods" by Raavi Z from me in the coming week or so......he's excited to read it and has a sense of sobriety about God's justice now that will hopefully help him see himself in truth. Praise the Lord, I didn't get fired for saying the things I did....to him and other clients~

Tracy - a waitress who is in the 3rd step of the AA meetings. She's been sober for 7 months and God brought her to Allison, Jamie and I Saturday night at a restaurant in St Paul. (get this, she wasn't even our server - she just walked right up and started sharing her life story with us!!)
Ps - for those unfamiliar with the AA Big Book - the third step is the first one that involves the "higher power" - unbelievable.
We didn't get to share Christ with her there, but Jamie exchanged numbers with her and Tracy has already text messaged her. Please pray that we would get to spend time with her and love her with grace and truth.

All this for the King !!

"Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness"

Eph 2:1-10
"And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience-- among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ--by grace you have been saved-- and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

Destined toward wrath - but mercifully turned around.......

Jennifer

2007-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

Proverbs 14:10
"Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy."

I found this proverb to be so true...........though every once in awhile, I'm blessed with that deep sense of unity with brothers and sisters in love for and joy in - Jesus. Anyone who knows me- even a little bit, is probably annoyed every now and again by my question "What is God doing in your life?" (Charlie calls it the 'subway game' - makes it seem less invasive I think)

That's my feeble attempt to talk about things more important than the weather - or even ministry. But sadly it doesn't work too often.......we often fall into this "private life with Jesus" mentality that my catholic grandparents lift up. That is SOOO not how we are supposed to be....we were not meant to be Lone Rangers.
The depth of relationships that we all desire - we will never have if we do not take a chance- and open our hearts to our friends. Agh - American "individualistic" culture needs to be disciplined out of our hearts so that we can be more like the church in the book of Acts.

I thank the Lord (almost) every day for my best friends.......those people who in those times when we talk about how it will feel to be before the Throne of Grace, before the Mercy seat....
Thinking about it - together - bringing up abstract thoughts of Christ and texts that God calls to our hearts- I really think that we do feel something of what heaven will be like........
UNITY in JOY. We can look at each other while we're talking and somehow KNOW that the other person is feeling what we're feeling about Jesus and the truths that we're talking about.......JUST a tremendous blessing to focus upward with our family in the Lord.
(Of course, we laugh together too - but even the joy in that, is of those who know why we have no need to fear death.........nor man, nor demons......because of the magnanimous love of God in Christ.)

To my friends that I love to dwell on truth with - your being in my life is precious to me, and I thank God that you can be so open and genuine. (Rockers, BBCer's)
Jesse and Sarah, Huey and Louie, Toys, Charlie and Alyssa, Tex and Steph, Mike K, James and Anne, Kristin......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ on a side note - related, sort of.......
This morning, JUST floored by an older song called "I boast no more" No idea who sings it.....and I'm not going to look it up......since the brother probably doesn't want accolades anyhow :)

"The best obedience of my hands
Dares not appear before Thy throne;
But faith can answer Thy demands,
By pleading what my Lord has done."

God demands our whole hearted 110% full obedience in all things..........which if a person would just think about for 10 minutes - in light of the reality that God is the I AM and can command of us anything - and he is right IN his commanding us since he has creator rights....
If I didn't know Christ - I would never leave my house!!

Focus on Him today............and eveything will fall into line.
with love from above,
Jen2

2007-03-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

Sunday School Basics

Praise the Lord for story time in my Preschool I class.
A dear brother teaches the HUGE truths so very well that it rocks my faith once in awhile....bringing me back to the beauty found in the basics.

He and his wife made up this little song called "Faith is"

"Faith is, O faith is, believing what God said.
Faith is, O faith is, believing what God said.
Faith is, O faith is, believing what God said; God will do it like He said."

Ah ! The great grace given to the BBC parents to take critical truths and turn them into catchy little songs - such a blessing.....

So, our lesson was about how the serpent was lifted up in the wilderness after Israel's disobedience and the grumblers were all bit by poisonous serpents.........but of those who were bitten, if they looked upon the bronze serpent - God told them that they would be spared.
It was not that the bronze serpent could do anything.....but the point was that God had given a simple command that was to be obeyed in Faith that what He said was true.
(He also made such a great point about how the bronze serpent is a "type" of something to come....and how it points to God's plan to save us from our sins by "looking unto Jesus.")

Seeing Jesus as the only promise of forgiveness offered to us by God. The only way of escaping the inevitable future of wrath and fury that a sinner should expect to come upon them.
If we have put our faith in what God said as truth (as in that little song) and we fix our eyes on Jesus - the author and perfecter of our faith.......we will be saved. God said so.

Our hearts goal should be to not take our eyes off of Him.......

1 Cor 15:55
"O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?"

Rev 12:11
"And they have conquered Him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. For they loved not their lives even unto death."

To our great High Priest, King, Prophet, the Sacrifice and the Altar that makes the sacrifice Holy.......Jesus the Christ......1 4 3.

2007-03-21T09:55:00.000-07:00

Hibby - Quote of the Week :)

"I’m in a weird mood myself today. Lyndon just called and I told him I was crazy once. That’s when they put me in the circle room and told me to sit in the corner. CORNER! There were no corners! So I started to dig. That’s when I found the worms. WORMS! I hate worms! They drive me crazy. …I was crazy once.

He told me I was weird."

She makes me feel less crazy......every time we talk......*sigh*
Thanks Hibby !!!

2007-03-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

Challenged to examine blogging before the Lord......

It is a sweet thing that the Lord gives us brothers and sisters who have His spirit to challenge us. A dear brother, of whom I have come to respect his thoughts and opinions, brought up some really good thoughts about blogging.........and motives.

Ozzie said:

"The main idea in the region of religion is - Your eyes upon God, not on men. Do not have as your motive the desire to be known as a praying man. Have no other motive than to know your Father in heaven. It is impossible to conduct your life as a disciple without definite times of secret prayer"

Is it not the nature of the fallen heart to desire to be appreciated and known and praised?
Even our dear Pastor John acknowledged the reality of the flesh's never ending desire to be made much of......and so how does that work with our blogging?

I dunno.....it's a good thing to think about though ~

Laters~
Jen2

2007-03-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

2007-03-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

More Joy in Heaven ~

You know what is amazing ? When someone you have loved and prayed for - one of whom you sinned with previously - comes to see the truths of God.
That there IS forgiveness, and you can tell that they are repentant toward God.
I'm on the edge of tears of joy this afternoon (and probably will be the rest of my day) as I just had lunch with just such a person....One that I've prayed for - who has known me IN MY sin - has come to realize that God forgives......... and more importantly, that he needs to be forgiven.

My deepest desire is that he will see and truly perceive - that Jesus is the treasure - the precious innocent Lamb - the one who took the punishment for our sins. There is definitely something going on that is not of the world in this man - and after talking to him -
I am left again, marveling about how I've been "kept" lately........through trials, in spite of sin and failures, some that I can't even see.............what kind of God are we talking about here??!!
dang.
Is there any human on earth that would go and put themselves in the electric chair - in the place of a proven guilty - child molester ?? Well, our sin, our lust, pride, lack of love etc - are ALL high treason against the God who created us, and He Himself came in human flesh as a baby, grew up was tempted in every way that we are as we grew up - yet was blameless - completely perfect - without sin - and having compassion on us, took our death penalty.....crushing the power of sin and death......

Christology - the most precious of the doctrines.......

love Him today ~
In Christ because He first loved me,
Jen2

2007-03-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

True Lowliness of Mind
A lesson from Eddy, put into 2007 English terms :)
(Round 2)

Jonathan Edwards description of one who is truly of a humble disposition is that he is led by the vigor of a lowly spirit within, and that he does not put himself forward to be the one to teach, guide or manage others, he is far more apt to have the desire to be taught. "Be ye swift to hear, and slow to speak." And when they do speak, he says, it is not with a bold masterly air, but humility disposes them to speak, rather, trembling.

The best description I've read regarding true lowliness of mind was that the falsely humble will look upward - to the place that they feel their proper station is, and in view of the short distance that they have descended, they call this "humility" and admire it, and also, they think that God does too. The truly humble, on the other hand, will look down from where he is, no matter how low he is brought, and be convinced that it is a shameful thing that one so sinful as he is brought no lower before God. In his mind, he has not reached the depths of his proper station, and he calls that distance pride, and loathes it. Believing that any humility he may have is worthy to be called little, and therefore not worth mentioning in comparison to the remaining corruption.In lowliness of mind, consider others better than yourselves.......it should not be a hard thing to do, since we see our own insides.

We only need to get a better, a more true picture of the heights to which our love and obedience ought to ascend.The more we comprehend of what we ought to be doing, the more we will see how far we fall short......which produces the broken and contrite heart that the Lord God loves.
I only write what convicts my little heart....... my brother tells me to preach to myself...so this is sort of how I'm working that out.
May the Lord take us lower...and strip us of pride for His name's sake.
In Christ by sheer mercy - Still ~
Jen2

A re-post because that's just how amazing Edwards is.........by the grace of God.

2007-03-10T07:57:00.000-08:00

Christology in Layman's terms ~

"I'm no holier than thou pal, I'm not bashin' you
I just want to be frank like a Hebrew National
Get it straight the human race's a death row inmate
One liberates, but He's the one that most men hate
When sin takes or should I say took the world captive
Death came after, then universal disaster
Just before they wrote the final chapter -
Out of the blue the best made a move like a true chess master
And absolutely brought sin and death to its knees
By dying on a tree with no leaves, true indeed
Jesus is who He be, the only One that saves men
From the heavenlies but down to earth like the pavement
Cheer this champion, no more dissin' Him
On the count of three start kissin' him1,2,3
ahhh feel the romance of the Father Abba,
The lover man with more rank than Shabba
Some think death ends the drama, but I'm a
Remind you death is not a period it's just a comma"

~ The Cross Movement