To Repent or not to Repent - Is that even a question?
Bear with me here..... Did you ever notice how easy it is to see clearly an opportunity for someone else to live what they believe - yet if you were in the same position, you would never see it?
The crux of the matter is that there is a person that I know, let's call them Pat* for their anonymity. So, Pat tells me this story of an acquaintance, an unbelieving acquaintance, who just railed them. Pat had gone to the retail place of employment of the unbeliever and was having polite conversation, when out of nowhere the unbeliever works themselves up into a lather about some issue, of which Pat has no knowledge of and proceeds to yell at Pat.
Pat is dumbfounded......and as Pat tells me this story, I can see the 'I'm right and what was done to me was wrong here and I'm clinging to my rights" type attitude in everything coming out of this person's lips. (this does not say much about me, since it truly DOES take one to know one, and I wouldn't recognize this sin, unless I was guilty of it myself from time to time - thank GOD for my little brother who lovingly gets in my face about my hardness of heart and appeals to me with the Love of God in Christ Jesus)
Sum it up - Pat, I believe had done nothing wrong....BUT this unbeliever accused Pat in front of Pat's spouse and the unbeliever's spouse unjustly.
What does Pat do here? The flesh and the world would say "write this unbeliever off, you don't want friends like that anyway." Sadly, Pat is avoiding this unbeliever and doesn't feel the need to go to them in humility and say, "However I have offended you, I want you to know that I am very sorry and I wanted to know if you'd let me do what it takes to make it right." (seriously, the hardest thing to do is apologize when you haven't any idea that you have done anything worth apologizing........but how much humility does it take to do such a thing? = A lot.)
But who else was wrongly accused and assaulted, spit on, and murdered for the false accusations? Our precious Christ was..........and he says to our unsettled hearts that are trying to cling to our 'rights' - "Pick up your cross daily, and follow me, this is the Calvary road, the narrow way that leads to life"
WHAT glory would be to the Lamb of God - if we walked in his footsteps. How many unbelievers would be quieted in their angry rages and false accusations to pay attention to the good news, if we who bear his Name - acted like we belonged to him?
Oh, great God - change our hearts....we are foolish and stubborn of heart. Please remove the blind spots where our sin hides and keep us from being tricked by our American freedom mentality that forsakes those who sin against us.........because YOU never forsake us stupid sinful sheep. Break our hearts Father, for the sake of your Name.
So, I had a conversation last night with our small group leader about blogging......and I forget how helpful it is in getting my heart to the crux of the matter..........to aid in articulating thoughts and emotions so that I can discern what God might be doing.
Truth is, that I've been struggling with so much randomness that it's hard to narrow down to one topic. Some of it is just sorting through my current struggle to be a better wife. I want to be the homemaker....to have the home neat and in order always, and to be able to have time to cook and search out healthy recipes and etc. But the season I'm in doesn't really allow for that. I work my tail off at work, and keeping up with bills and budgeting, our social calendar and working out. The things that SEEM most critical. Then, I relax and/or read in my free time. But, should there BE FREE TIME?? My sister in law is very admirable. She's the most organized woman I know. Her home is huge, and yet ALWAYS clean. She was over last weekend, and I just asked her some questions about how she does it with 3 small children.......she makes it sound so easy...but also tells me that she gets up at 6am and doesn't sit down until 9pm. dood.
The sermon last Sunday was about the Prov 31 woman....how she stays awake late into the night working, and yet rises before her household to prepare for the day. HOW DOES THIS PROVERBS CHICK do it?? I know that if I'm training (working out) as hard as I have been, the studies I've read show that I NEED 8hours of sleep to help my body recoup. That means, bed by 10pm, up at 6am.
So where do I get this time that I need to devote to my home from? Do I forsake spending time with people during the week to tend to chores and my household for the sake of my husband? Is THAT most honoring to my Father? Is this what God asks of me as my PRIORITY??
I think so......though I'm not on the CONVICTION side of it yet.
That's HARD for me, because I love people so very much and would look for any reason to get out to spend time with them. (especially some who are a tremendous blessing - as we have REAL fellowship and a burden for the lost)
I've been fighting it a bit....though I had so looked forward to being a blessing to my husband......it's hard to be all things at once.
I will seek the Lord in this. He will supply all that I need to be what He requires and desires from me.
If you are one of the many people who struggle with 'old english' style writing from the puritans John Owen and Jonathan Edwards....I highly recommend the book 'The Enemy Within"
My husband and I are reading it currently, and it's filled with texts that cut to the heart.......as God's word was intended to. You have to get low to get high, as Christ will lift you up.
"He who is bowed down is speedily released." "God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
Admitting our own 'good deeds' as being mostly self serving will heat up the luke warm, coasting style love for others into what we are truly called to. I mean that 'love' that is offered in place of the sacrifical love that is required of us, that pours out of a broken hearted love for what Jesus has done for such pathetic wretches.
Kris Lundgaard wrote the book.......using today's terminology and up to date examples to hit us where we need it most - the heart. I don't have much time to go into it, but the one piece that is sticking with me today is what he said about how loves differ. (I forget the exact quote but it was something like this)
"Buying a birthday gift for a friend is a bit like 'choking down' a double fudge brownie sundae, but letting a homeless person sleep in our homeis more like eating gravel."
This thought pricks my heart in that area that I guard and call 'wisdom' .......love and compassion and the law is summed up by this - that you love your neighbor as yourself.
How disturbing this should be for those who are 'in the church' who find it hard to EVEN love those who love them.....yikes..........How is love for enemies ever to manifest itself -if the basic love for brothers and sisters isn't there? (total sidenote.....see 1 John, as this isn't possible....)
May God get us out of our worship of self and comfort and ease and give us devotion to Him that can affect hearts for eternity.
I'm not sure what to make of the place I'm in lately. I'm really happy........and really ready for whatever is next.......and I can't sit still.
Things are going well, a little too well......... This may sound crazy, but it seems like without trials we (humans) get a bit too comfortable with this life......
So, speaking of comfortable - today marks the first day that I've heard gun shots fired outside my home. God didn't even let my pulse raise......I know that this is WHY we're here. I called 911 to report it, as it sounded like it was in my backyard.....and then text my husband to let him know. 6:18am; Seems to be the time when the night crawlers get ready to head to bed. (my husband lovingly reminded me who controls bullets, though I was already peaced out about it :)
If you don't know or haven't heard, we bought a home in North Minneapolis, and have recently started to pursue membership at a local congregation here; The people in this congregation have a tremendous love and drive to reach the gang members and drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes in the area. They even just recently did an outreach last Sunday and spoke with about 48 gangsters...sharing the need to turn from sin and be reconciled to God before God pulls their card. My husband is involved in the ministry to the poor in the community via the food donations distribution, but is hoping to get involved on the front lines with the gang bangers.
As of right now, I try not to think about what could happen if he goes onto gang turf at night and meets some gangster who has a gun and doesn't want to hear the gospel. "What would I do without my husband?" comes into my mind often.....but the fear that gets stirred up is destroyed by the truth very quickly by God's grace.
These people are killing each other, many are within weeks/months of standing before a Holy God. I fear for them much more than for my husband, who soul was ransomed by God over 10 years ago. What a legacy he would leave, loving those who hate him, risking his life to tell them of the good news that God has every right to send us to hell, but has made a way of escape.
Jesus
My prayer now is that my husband would be ever more distracted by eternal things.......seeing thugs as eternal beings, in need of mercy, just like the rest of us. My co-workers and friends and family are no different....their sinis just different. Jesus said that Lust is the same as Adultery, and Hatred is the same as Murder......that the sin of the heart is what God sees, and our OWN consciences will accuse us on judgment day. We know we do wrong, but we shhh our conscience ....just like taking the battery out of the smoke detector, so that it quits annoying us.
Today is the day. God said that the first time Jesus came, he came NOT to condemn the world but to save it. NEXT time he comes however, he will be angry with those who have spurned the blood of the covenant, either by believing that they can EARN his favor, or by their rejecting His provision of the substitutionary bleeder.
"The best obedience of my hands, Dares not appear before Thy throne. But Faith can lift, Thy demands, By pleading what my Lord has done."
Boasting and hoping ONLY in the cross of my Savior, jen2
When the Love of a Sinner reflects their Savior.........
I feel so foolish so often.....seeing my behavior not line up with the truth that I subscribe to. One of my good friends described being appalled by her own behavior as somehow being outside of herself watching herself speak cruel words to her husband and thinking "wow, you're really mean"
The need for self reflection time was provoked by a dear sister from my former church who said quite bluntly "your sin looks so very wicked when committed by someone else"
owie.
If I was a girl who knew me......who saw how blessed I was to have the husband I have, I'd feel the weight of the scripture MORE I think. SAD. What applies to how a woman is to love and respect her husband in the hard times? AND what am I believing about my FATHER's giving me to such a man?
All in all, my husband is a man who strives......he has come to rescue me from my pathetic self too many times to count when I've been trapped inside my own mind by lies that threaten to define my reality and destroy my marriage.
I don't deserve him. Him, who is not perfect either....who has his own struggles......continues to lay aside his own concerns and hopes to come and get low with me in my muck. My heart melts every time by the sincere love in his voice......he reflects Jesus much more than I ever give him credit for.
So, we're studying Hosea for my bible study...his character, his life's purpose.....and I see my husband's role in my life..............and his. He is getting a better understanding of what it is like to love an imperfect bride, what God's love is REALLY like for his church......the height and depth and breadth......and I'm learning how humbling it really is to be loved by such a one.
Covenant love is such a peculiar thing.
I have some issue, some idolatry of some expectation of some sort that is not met....and I give myself over to my idolatry ....by being so hurt and so discontent that my marriage isn't this or that, and in a BIG way reflect the harlotry of Gomer.......she continues to run from a man who loves her....and her husband goes to find her, in the midst of her worldly pursuits (her prostitution) and he brings her back to himself.
This is the love of the Father......the love of His Son for his Bride, the church. "Never will I leave you nor forsake you."
Ramble ramble. I love him......Christ Jesus. and I love seeing him in my dear husband, Brent. To God be the glory in his church.
Here I am......getting mocked again. :)
I'm pretty sure that God moves me around into different positions and etc for two reasons, one: to sanctify me by making clear just how rebellious and wicked my heart is so that he can change me and two: the LOST sheep are here somewhere. (always)
I'm not thinking on the human idea of "Success" as being only when people come to trust in Christ.........but the questions being more like -
Did I represent Him well? Was I faithful? Was I a coward?
Did I count Christ as my treasure ABOVE the praises of people, ABOVE my job security?
That is where the battle is for us and it sometimes discourages me when I hear people saying that they guard what they say at work and call it "wisdom"
Back in 2000, I worked for UsBank as a lender.......the security guard OVERHEARD a conversation about Jesus that I had with a client and went to my supervisor and said she was offended. So, I got written up for it.
Shortly after that, another situation....this time with a professing believer co-worker of mine, one whom I had had fellowship with, but was a bit skeptical of her conversion.......my doubt was semi-confirmed when she begun dating a muslim man and having him sleep over in her bed with her 3 small children home. He moved in with her and though I was a baby Christian, I knew the word well enough to know that that was 'off'. I wrote her a letter from the grief of my heart and mailed it to her home. (knowing that it wasn't something to discuss at work, as it was pretty sensitive stuff) Well, she brought it to work, and though it was worded in the most kind way........she was so ANGRY with me and gave it to my supervisor.....and then I was written up again. (now I know that I could have pursued the bank and required a transfer due to freedom of speech laws, but then, I was just worn out from it all....so I quit a couple months later)
The moral of this story.......I didn't fire back insults at her.....but told her that I cared which resulted in her cursing me out and that was that.
The SAME SUN that melts the ice - hardened the clay.
The same truth will affect different hearts - differently. To some we are a fearful smell of death and judgement.....to others, a life giving perfume.
To M&I bank I went.....in 2003.
Enter, banker training, sit in the front row to minimize my distractions.....and 1 minute before class starts, a nice young man walks in and sits in the seat next to me. He has NO idea what he's in for. Lunch break after lunch break that entire week, we discussed the things of the Lord, and he had questions like no one I'd ever talked to before.....
I shared ONLY the law with him, because he didn't see the NEED for a Savior.......also, I gave him a disciple CD (GREAT God fearing band) and invited him to the concert that was that weekend. They shared the gospel and he repented in tears.....the fruit that came from that brother immediately was like nothing I'd ever seen before.....and though he struggles like all of us, he continues to bear fruit today.
To North Star Resource Group as an executive assistant to a very difficult couple of men.
The Lord put me there for a few reasons I think.....one, to quiet me down, to slow me down in my responses to people who deal harshly....because it was a very harsh and arrogant environment where people who are higher up look at you as though you're nothing but the one who washes their toilet. (which is GOOD for someone who wants to take on the character and form of a servant)
Anycrux, I met a guy there, who was a good friend of mine......but who mocked me and scoffed at my faith and my thoughts of sin - which was especially hard, because this person knew me very very well and SAW my sin.....some of the worst of me.....and for the longest time, I thought my testimony was destroyed and he'd never see Jesus if he was looking at me in the filth of my sin.
(I actually lost my patience with him a number of times - so not cool)
Moral of that story - I learned that Christ is MIGHTY to save - that guy came to know Christ about a year or so later, and he called me up and asked me to lunch....where he apologized for mocking me and said that he understood now the severity of sin and told me that he had been saved by grace. God used me despite.....me. I could weep just thinking about that.
Fast forward to today.........I work at a small credit union.....
I LOVE my co-workers as if they were my own family......there are 14 or so of us....the president is a wonderful God fearing man who prays for his employees often. The two guys in my dept are like brothers to me......I feel like I've known them forever......and it's like a repeat of my experiences to see them mock and scoff at God, the same ways that other NOW believers did.
Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders;
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers.
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished;
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished.
Sigh. I am not offended, but knowing the one who is offended, terrifies me for them if they do not take refuge in the one who gave them life.........
(please pray for these if you would)
let us never forget that our purpose in life is NOT to have a purpose in THIS life.
Let goods and kindred go - this mortal life also, the body they may kill, God's truth abideth still.
HIS KINGDOM IS FOREVER!!!
Those around you are eternal beings......they will go to one of two places.......and if we are not faithful to tell them that the King is returning for His faithful - we are cruel indeed.
Ez 33:1
"The word of the LORD came to me: "Son of man, speak to your countrymen and say to them: 'When I bring the sword against a land, and the people of the land choose one of their men and make him their watchman, and he sees the sword coming against the land and blows the trumpet to warn the people, then if anyone hears the trumpet but does not take warning and the sword comes and takes his life, his blood will be on his own head. Since he heard the sound of the trumpet but did not take warning, his blood will be on his own head. If he had taken warning, he would have saved himself. But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet to warn the people and the sword comes and takes the life of one of them, that man will be taken away because of his sin, but I will hold the watchman accountable for his blood.'"
Has anyone ever asked you for prayer - and yet they ask with an air that there is no hope ?? I only noticed this recently, because the people who I pray with and for lately have a true heart that God is going to provide for us what we ask in His Name.
I LOVE this! The faith to trust His reply is so precious and I've personally had some huge answers to prayer lately..........
I hope to grow much in the area of asking with the faith of a child.
